Lazy for You...

I went to bed mad and woke up furious. I am mad at Tom, and at me. I just can’t deal with the fact that we can’t seem to get important things done. We continually say, “We really need to talk about X, Y, or Z,” but we’d much rather stare blankly at the computer screen or a Yankees game until bedtime than actually come to a decision about anything.

We are both youngest children. Our pastor told us before we got married that it could cause problems, and he was right. Both of us expect someone else to take care of things.

What woke me up so pissed at 5 this morning? We still haven’t decided where to send the kids to school next year! Our payment to our current (private) school? Was due May 1.

The thing is, I don’t want to blindly pay and keep doing the same-old same-old for the 5th year in a row without even considering the alternative, our neighborhood school which is ranked the 4th best in the entire state. Could we have gone to the special open house for the school and for the GT center? Sure, but it was May 6. LOSERS!

Somehow we’ve managed to go on 3 trips, and muddle through the countless demands of everyday life, but we haven’t sat down to figure out where to send the kids and summer’s a wastin.’ The kids are in limbo, which is stressing them out.

I feel as if I’ve done my part by getting the kids tested for academic level, by gathering information, and talking to people, but I am NOT sure what’s best and I’m NOT comfortable making this decision on my own. I have prayed for clarity, but haven't gotten any yet. A friend of mine said, “NO decision IS a decision.” Story of our lives.

What I saw as Tom’s easy-going attitude when we fell in love now seems passive and annoying, and I've got enough passive and annoying myself to carry us through.

And although this kid/school issue is the biggest one we are facing right now, there are numerous other examples of our total suckiness.

Leaky toilet? We’ve got one. Can’t wait to see the water bill. New Shed in the back yard? It has existed only in our minds for the past 6 years. Disney Cruise we promised the kids when they were 4 and 6? Dream on, TWEENS! Anything with the remotest amount of complication or struggle or involving detailed conversation? No one wants to tackle it around here.

I was incredulous when our IT guy at work helped me out today. His whole life revolves around what Tom and I hate—trouble shooting, decision-making and problem solving. “It’s just one great big puzzle to me!” he said with a big smile on his face. Meanwhile, I wanted to curl up on the floor in the fetal position.

I’ve always been amazed by take-charge people—people of action. Need I remind you it took Tom and me 5 years to decide to get married? I have friends who have decided on and gotten divorces in the time it takes us to call a darn electrician. Seriously.

And tougher issues? Some if not all of the inhabitants of this house would probably benefit from some sort of therapy, but unless a therapist parachutes into our living room unannounced, it just ain’t going to happen. Referrals? Co-pays? Research? Not our thing.

I have secretly worried that if one of us becomes seriously ill, the other will say, “Well, he/she led a nice life,” instead of digging deep and fighting for the best doctors, the best treatment, and the best care. I really wish I were kidding.

I am convinced that if Shadow the dog hadn’t fallen into our laps via my sister, there would be no canine in our house, although we had “talked about it” for two years prior. And our non-existent 3rd child? Ditto.

It’s just so easy to get caught up in the day to day—where the kids need to be and when, what to eat, what our job and church obligations are—that we fail to look at the big picture. Big goals, big dreams, big decisions. The good news is, we are pretty content little picture people, and we tend to enjoy the moment, but I think we could benefit greatly from a visionary in our house.

Or at least someone who would make a gyno appointment for me.

The Mother of All Compliments

Tom is a bit quiet and shy, so he’s not the most demonstrative guy in the world. Even with me. Before we got married, at our church's 3 hour mandatory communication class (yeah, we rocked that thing!), we had to write down our wants and needs for after marriage.

Here’s my list:

I need to sleep in until 9 a.m. on Saturdays.
I want to be told, on occasion, that I look good.

After 5 years of dating, I knew that I was marrying a morning person, who might be tempted to seize the day and drag me along with him into it, and I suspected he might also need a little nudge when it came to complimenting his wife.

I’m not a prima dona, or at list not too much of one, but we had experienced more than a few ill-fated attempts at compliments in the past. I had read somewhere that men want our needs spelled out for them, which is why I was so blunt. I was looking for-- “You look good. You look nice. You look pretty.”

You see, this is the guy who told me he was attracted to me for my personality. This is not sought-after information when you are 21 and as hot as you're ever going to be. This is the guy who, upon seeing me in my new floral, drop-waisted dress (it was 1992!) said, “You look HOMELY in that dress!”

Silence.

“Uh, it’s just so soft and pretty?”

“Okay, so are you trying to say I look “HOME-Y” in my dress? And if so, is this a good thing?”

“Yes.”

*******
Here’s Tom’s List:

I am not the enemy

Clean counters

Since Tom does not have a blog, and therefore a voice, we will not need to delve too deeply into the first item on his list, except perhaps to posit that w/ five years of dating me he knew that he might, perhaps, be my closest target when I got a teeny bit grumpy.

As for the second item, I guess he desired clean counters. We will not dwell too much on or judge him too harshly for the fact that he answered his questions in a non-standard fashion that deviated from the clearly established I want/ need format.

******

Soooooooo last night, with a newfound resolve to try to improve my self-image, or get some pre-Thanksgiving action, Tom took a deep breath and said, “Kids, you have the most beautiful mother in the world.” He looked uncomfortable, but he got it out just fine.

Molly: “No she’s NOT, I saw a newspaper picture of the best mother and it wasn’t her.”

Tom: “I never said BEST mother, I said most beautiful.”

Gee thanks guys. Kind of makes me what to go smear raw chicken all over the counters.