Thursday, July 2, 2009

Lazy for You...

I went to bed mad and woke up furious. I am mad at Tom, and at me. I just can’t deal with the fact that we can’t seem to get important things done. We continually say, “We really need to talk about X, Y, or Z,” but we’d much rather stare blankly at the computer screen or a Yankees game until bedtime than actually come to a decision about anything.

We are both youngest children. Our pastor told us before we got married that it could cause problems, and he was right. Both of us expect someone else to take care of things.

What woke me up so pissed at 5 this morning? We still haven’t decided where to send the kids to school next year! Our payment to our current (private) school? Was due May 1.

The thing is, I don’t want to blindly pay and keep doing the same-old same-old for the 5th year in a row without even considering the alternative, our neighborhood school which is ranked the 4th best in the entire state. Could we have gone to the special open house for the school and for the GT center? Sure, but it was May 6. LOSERS!

Somehow we’ve managed to go on 3 trips, and muddle through the countless demands of everyday life, but we haven’t sat down to figure out where to send the kids and summer’s a wastin.’ The kids are in limbo, which is stressing them out.

I feel as if I’ve done my part by getting the kids tested for academic level, by gathering information, and talking to people, but I am NOT sure what’s best and I’m NOT comfortable making this decision on my own. I have prayed for clarity, but haven't gotten any yet. A friend of mine said, “NO decision IS a decision.” Story of our lives.

What I saw as Tom’s easy-going attitude when we fell in love now seems passive and annoying, and I've got enough passive and annoying myself to carry us through.

And although this kid/school issue is the biggest one we are facing right now, there are numerous other examples of our total suckiness.

Leaky toilet? We’ve got one. Can’t wait to see the water bill. New Shed in the back yard? It has existed only in our minds for the past 6 years. Disney Cruise we promised the kids when they were 4 and 6? Dream on, TWEENS! Anything with the remotest amount of complication or struggle or involving detailed conversation? No one wants to tackle it around here.

I was incredulous when our IT guy at work helped me out today. His whole life revolves around what Tom and I hate—trouble shooting, decision-making and problem solving. “It’s just one great big puzzle to me!” he said with a big smile on his face. Meanwhile, I wanted to curl up on the floor in the fetal position.

I’ve always been amazed by take-charge people—people of action. Need I remind you it took Tom and me 5 years to decide to get married? I have friends who have decided on and gotten divorces in the time it takes us to call a darn electrician. Seriously.

And tougher issues? Some if not all of the inhabitants of this house would probably benefit from some sort of therapy, but unless a therapist parachutes into our living room unannounced, it just ain’t going to happen. Referrals? Co-pays? Research? Not our thing.

I have secretly worried that if one of us becomes seriously ill, the other will say, “Well, he/she led a nice life,” instead of digging deep and fighting for the best doctors, the best treatment, and the best care. I really wish I were kidding.

I am convinced that if Shadow the dog hadn’t fallen into our laps via my sister, there would be no canine in our house, although we had “talked about it” for two years prior. And our non-existent 3rd child? Ditto.

It’s just so easy to get caught up in the day to day—where the kids need to be and when, what to eat, what our job and church obligations are—that we fail to look at the big picture. Big goals, big dreams, big decisions. The good news is, we are pretty content little picture people, and we tend to enjoy the moment, but I think we could benefit greatly from a visionary in our house.

Or at least someone who would make a gyno appointment for me.


Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Hi, Anna, thanks for stopping by! What a cute blog you have. And I totally think the beadboard wallpaper would look good on walls. I have a little project that I'm gonna do around my whirlpool tub with chairrail & I'm def. going to use this wallpaper with it to trim it out. Much easier than the real thing. I doubt seriously if anyone would know the difference it it and the real thing. I am sold on it!

Hope you'll come back to see me again. I'm always up to some fun projects.

Christy said...

Oh Anna, that last line was hysterical! But the rest of the post? Oh, I wish I could help. I'm a total quick snap decision maker. Can't help it - it's in my DNA - BOTH my parents are while I can't say that I relate to this exactly, I do understand. Hopefully you guys can sit down and make a list of the pros and cons of public vs. private and make a decision soon! Good luck!!

Wishing True said...

Both my husband and I are oldest children and we have a hard time getting our act together too. I hate research and appointments and anything that involves me having to become knowledgeable about a subject that doesn't immediately interest me. Which is EXACTLY what I have to do for Oliver now. Whenever I think about it, I just want to take a nap.

Kristen said...

That is SO ME! Loved it. I'm also a youngest child, and Kevin's a first-child, but he has the same infliction. We get nothing done!

Pauline Wiles said...

Well, I'd say decisions are hard, but actions are hard too, so there is a double whammy that in order to get anything done, you have to do both parts, which is hugely hard if you're both easy-going people.

But the bright side of easy-going is your tolerance for not sweating the small stuff and the time you don't waste in worrying about what-ifs. (My hubbie is more easy going and I'm definitely a cross-the-bridge-long-before-it-actually-happens) type.

It might help you a little to make a list (I know, I'm so OCD!) and divide it into important vs urgent. And maybe a third category for neither. Matters of health and the kids well-being probably deserve prime attention, the garden shed, not so much!

And would it help to remember that very, very, very few of life's decisions are irreversible?

Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Anna, I'm so sorry our schedules didnt work out while I was in town. I would have loved to bat around the pro's and con's of public vs. private school..
I am like your IT guy... with a smile on my face when presented with a problem. I admire your "live in the moment" way of life... no matter how hard I try, I am always living years in the future.

In all seriousness, if you need help diving into the stats to compare the schools from an objective point of view, send me an email.

Heather said...


This is Heather Conn Byrd, Vanessa's sister. I have really enjoyed reading your blog and can identify with so much of it! :-) Except for all the beautiful repurposing you do. I'm afraid I'm completely clueless in that department. But apparently we share the same gyno, Dr. Whatwasyournameagain, and at least two of my youngest daughter's teeth (baby one's, thank goodness) have almost decayed right out of her head. But Lord knows I do love a good book...or blog post.

Thanks for the entertaining read!

Sokphal said...

As a single female I enjoy getting glimpses into family life. Not sure if I have any great advice for you, but I can tell you that my gyno is great! I'll make the appt for you...what's your schedule like?

Gretchen said...

Wait, what? Youngest children wait for other people to do things? Cuz in my marriage, being married to an only child (who expects everyone to do things HIS way) I am the one who does EVERYTHING. I'm sick of it!!! But I feel your pain with the school issue... except our local school district isn't state-ranked. It's more like, 'wah-wah-waahhhh'.

But, anyway, quit beating yourself up. No matter how much you get done there will always be more to do. Just do what you can and enjoy your day. And maybe find a friend who can help you stay accountable for the important stuff!

Shawn said...

Oh dear, I don't think that it is just he youngest in the family problem, cause my hubby and I are the same way! But we are both creative types, so the money matters, etc. go by the wayside.

We still haven't filed for taxes this year----AND haven't filed for the extension.

Don't even get me started....

Pamela said...

So, how's the car hunt going?

Be careful - just from your blog post alone, Robert will incorporate your to-do's on his list. Not that he will do them - he'll make the decision for you then keep after you until you do all of the requisite tasks and he can mark them off his list. True story.

Let me know when's good for you - I'll schedule our year of forty mammograms for us to go together. We'll have lunch afterwards and I'll have the films sent to your doctor. True story.

Oona Johnson said...

My parents put off decisions until the absolute last possible moment. Their toilet in the master bath above the kitchen has been causing a brown spot on the ceiling above the stove for three years now. They didn't do anything about it until on morning my mother came downstairs and it was full-blown gushing out of the ceiling. Now they are finally talking about redoing the kitchen they have been talking about for 10 years. Seriously. I have inherited this little gem of a problem. My fiance keeps saying "when we have a baby...". I am on the pill and he is almost 50... when is when?