It's a Wonderful Life

Here's my latest article!

There Will Never be a Better Christmas Movie Than It's a Wonderful Life

 I hope you check it out over at For Her.

Valentine Gratitude Box

If you recall last year we had a Valentine Gratitude box in the kitchen in which to put sweet notes to each other. We read them aloud on Feb 14th.

Margaret doesn't want to do it this year, because even though Jack apparently chose NOT to participate, he was a big part of the activity last year. I blogged about my favorite funny responses last February, and I think they illustrate the sweet and playful way Margaret related to Jack and our whole family!

I really hope you'll check that post out, replacing Molly/Margaret and Jake/Jack.

Here are some others that didn't make that post, but that sure DO make me miss LAST Valentine's Day a lot:

Jack, I love your loyalty. Love, Dad

Anna, I love your mothering instincts. Love, Tim

Thanks for getting me up on time, Margaret! Love, Mom

Tim, You are a stud. Love, Anna

I like the way Margaret didn't get upset when I forgot to wash her pants. xo, Mom

Jack, you are a good friend. Love, Mom

Margaret, you are a ton of fun! Love, Mom

Margaret, I love how you are my early morning buddy. Love, Dad

Jack, I love how you have a compassionate heart, especially for people who are less fortunate. Dad

Shadow, Thanks for being such a good car rider. Love, Mom

Tim, Thank you for cooking yummy food for us! xo, Anna

Mom, I like your chicken soup. - M

Shadow, I like your cuteness!- M

Margaret, I love your sense of humor! Love, Dad

Jack, You have the cutest hair ever. Sorry Justin Bieber, you lose! Mom

Margaret, reading "Holes" with you is fun. I wonder how it will turn out?!" Love, Mom

I love the way Jack doesn't let his nosebleeds get him down. Love, Mom

I love how Tim has gotten the kids into skiing! Love, Anna

Who is the best builder? Jack is! Love, Mom

Jack, your artwork looks great! Love, Mom

Margaret, I love watching you dance Hip-Hop Love, Mom

Jack, I love how you keep your promises. Love, Dad

I love the way Margaret and Jack help calm me down when I get stressed-- xo, Mom

Margaret, Shopping with you is FUN! xo, Mom

Margaret, I love watching you play soccer! Love, Dad

I love the discussions Jack and I get into at bedtime. Love, Mom

Margaret, you are a good friend. Love, Mom

Like, OMG! Margaret is sooo funny! xo, Mom

I enjoyed my lunch date with Dad. xo, Mom

Shadow, I love your enthusiastic greetings. It makes me feel loved when you are always so happy to see us. Love, Dad (editor's note: the longest note is from Tim to a dog.)

Jack-- Go black diamond slopes! Impressive! xo, Mom

Jack, I love playing games with you. Love, Dad

Anna, I love the way you write. Tim

You get the idea. If someone could send me a time machine for Valentine's Day, I'd be mighty grateful.

Love to you all!

The Spirit of Christmas Past and Present

When Tim and I met with our counselor today, we talked about which Christmas traditions we wanted to keep this year, and which ones we would alter. Of course "want" is not the right word, because we really just want our old lives back, but you know what I mean.

We've been following Margaret's lead on Christmas, and she wants it to be as much like "before" as possible. Thus, our trees are up, the house is decorated, I've completed our 2011 photo album, and we'll be going to Chevy's for Christmas Eve lunch, which could or could not be a hellish experience.

Since the accident, I have discovered I prefer to lean into my grief, rather than try to avoid it. For me this means spending time with people who are willing and able to talk about Jack. I figure I probably have about 40 (!) or so years left on this earth to talk about other things, but for now, if someone isn't willing to talk about what happened, or to process with me, or to at least acknowledge our loss, I really don't have the time or inclination.

I don't mean that every waking moment has to be about Jack's death, for we still have school and jobs and housekeeping and small talk, but I consider grieving Jack to be significant, important work and I want to face it instead of avoiding it.

Christmas has been like this, too. Going through the homemade ornaments and remembering the story surrounding each one is a way of leaning into grief and experiencing it, rather than trying to pretend that by leaving them boxed up, we didn't lose our sweet son. Yes, it is hard to see them, to touch them, but the ornaments provide a natural springboard to be able to talk about Jack.

When we hold up his preschool "Peanut Jesus" (a peanut in its shell, swaddled with toilet paper and nestled in a mini raisin box) or his pathetic reindeer ornament which is really just a bare clothespin with a googly eye stuck on it-- Rudolph the One-eyed Cyclops-- we are acknowledging and feeling our huge loss while celebrating great memories.

One tradition that is definitely a keeper is the Christmas morning scavenger hunt, passed down from Tim's family. Tim writes a poem that goes from one clue to the next and eventually leads the kids to a final, "big" present. One year found us all down at the mailbox in our pj's, having been led there by poetic clues which had the kids plug certain coordinates into a handheld GPS. Another time the kids had to open a certain computer file to find their next clue. And so on and so on...


Big presents ranged from an electronic keyboard to the air hockey table that Tim and I spent most of Christmas Eve assembling. I went through a dozen sugar cookies during the frustrating process before giving up around 2 a.m. Tim stuck with it, aided by about 4 rum and cokes. Christmas morning our neighbor had to sneak into the basement under the pretense of borrowing a tool to help us turn the table, now fully assembled but upside down, onto its feet.


We have a lot of sweet videos of the kids, always together, traipsing upstairs and down, inside and out of the house, Jack reading clues at lightning speed. Tim usually stays up pretty late working on the poems and I vacillate from being a bit annoyed that this is his contribution to Christmas, as I plan and shop and wrap and hide, to being grateful that this is his contribution to Christmas because it is so meaningful for our family. I predict there will be some tender late-night tears this year as Tim writes his clues for a sister instead of a sister/brother duo.


A month or so ago I found a little stack of paper scraps in the guest room with rhyming clues written on them. I asked Margaret what they were and she said they were from a scavenger hunt her brother had made for her just for the heck of it one random day. Here are the clues, in or out of order:


To find your clue step inside,
Go upstairs I have not lied.


Your next clue is out back,
Look under a pot and that's the fact.

Go back inside and take a peek
Under the bed where the dog sleeps.


Now that you have found this clue,
I think Margaret's bedroom will do.

For your next find go back downstairs,
Look near shells your clue is there.

Almost here you're getting hot,
Go to the kitchen and look in a pot.

To find your last one,
Go to the basement for some GAME FUN.


This is your last clue,
In the guest room there's something for you.



I asked Margaret what her prize was at the end of Jack's little game. She has absolutely no idea.

I guess just like with the now-dusty air hockey table, keyboard, and whatever else we gave the kids over the years, the thrill of the hunt, or the process, meant even more than the prize itself.

Valentine Box Summary

Lest you think we are living in a Hallmark Card over here, I'll give you the run-down of our Valentine Box Love Notes as viewed at breakfast this morning:

Tally:
Notes from Anna to others: 29.

Notes from Tom to others: 13.

Notes from Molly to HERSELF and OTHERS: 13

Notes from Jake: 0, zilch, nada

R-rated Notes from Tom to Anna: 1, fortunately slipped into her pocket.

Some Classics:

Dear Molly, I LOVE U and so does Everyone. Love, Molly.

Jake, I luv yur beard.- M

Jake, I like yur SASS!-M

Shadow, I H8T yur breath.- M

Shadow, Sorry I said that 'bout your breath.- M

Shadow, You smell like an angel.-M

Dad- I like how U make $$ :)-M

Dear Molly, You are AMAZING! Love, Jake (in Molly's handwriting)

Dear Molly, I will buy u anything u want.- Jake (in Molly's handwriting)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Tom and I got to go to a play this weekend, sans kids, so I'm feeling well-celebrated.

If you want to read one of my earliest posts, about an epically crappy V-Day, check this out.

Is it Taco Tuesday Yet?

Today over at Emmacallsmemama there is a “Traditions Party.” Head on over to read about bloggers' cherished family traditions.

I have a few family traditions to share with you, and I don’t mean just yelling at everyone to get ready in the morning, fighting in the car on the way to church, or eating at Taco Bell twice a week. Let’s just call those See-family HABITS, not traditions.


Birthdays:

The birthday boy or girl uses a special red plate, and has a birthday flag hanging from the flagpole in his/her honor. Yes that's a toaster strudel you see on the plate. I didn't say I cooked for them.

Christmas and Easter:
We used to do fondue before church on Christmas Eve, but Tom and I were the only ones who actually liked it. After our celebrity sighting at Chevy’s in NYC, we developed a new Christmas Eve lunch tradition—Mexican food—of course. I bet you didn’t know Mary and Joseph stopped at a Chevy’s on the way to Bethlehem. A girl’s gotta have her tableside guacamole, you know.

For present opening on Christmas morning, we do the taking turns thing, and for the final gift, Tom writes an elaborate poem that leads the kids all around the house on a treasure hunt. He knows his way around a rhyme, that guy. The final clue leads to the “big” present of the year. Warning: Don’t turn on the dryer on Christmas morning —there might be a Wii or a hamster in there.

We also make the kids locate their Easter baskets this way, or by attaching yarn to the basket and having them follow the yarn around the house.

Ice Cream for Breakfast Day:
I’ve already told you about “Ice Cream for Breakfast Day” on the first snow day of the year. Since you don’t know exactly when that will be, I suggest doing what I do—never letting your ice cream stash dip below ½ gallon. Yum.

Geocaching:
And, if you aren’t bored yet by this post, I’ll share our family’s new hobby, which is morphing into a tradition of sorts: Geocaching!

We combine our love of hiking, treasure hunts and gadgets (that would be Tom, not moi) to find little hidden “caches” in the most unlikely places. They are placed there by people all around the world. We choose a hunt on the Internet then head out with a handheld GPS. We hope to geocache in all 50 states by the time I am too decrepit to participate.

Want some outdoor, unplugged activity in which the kids don’t even realize they are exercising? Geocache. Our team is called “Team Shadow” because the dog always comes with us. If we ever make it to Hawaii, however, I think she’ll need to stay home

I guess the bottom line is that childhood is fleeting, and family traditions help make memories. They help connect us, and I want more of those connections. Traditions remind us there’s a lot more to life than homework, crow's feet, and cleaning the kitchen counter.

I’d love to hear some of your traditions, too!