So on Christmas Eve morning, before our annual Mexican lunch at Chevy’s, dropping cookies off for local firefighters, watching “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and going to church, Mom had a pity party.
I hadn’t slept well because I was disappointed and disgruntled. Tom and I had gone to pick up our new car (my first car ever with power windows!) just in time for Christmas. I pictured something like this, without the BMW part, of course.
After signing all the papers and paying, we took the keys and walked out to drive home. It was the wrong car. Crap. Weeks of deciding, and figuring and waiting--- for what? Of course on the way over I had told Tom very dramatically, “I am so sick of car shopping. If I have to go back to the dealer after tonight, I will poke my eyes out with a screwdriver.” Ooops.
So I tossed and turned, wondering when I’d ever get my new car. Wondering how we were going to cram the 4 of us PLUS THE DOG into a Volkswagen Jetta for our 5 hour trip to my sister’s. Picturing my feet scrunched up on the dash like they were for our Thanksgiving trip. Imagining blod clots and much pissed-off -ness by me.
I grumped around downstairs for a while then crawled back in bed to stew.
Then I noticed I had my period. Three days of fantasizing about a surprise after-40 pregnancy went up in smoke. The whole scenario of having teenagers and a toddler at the same time, with an unplanned (and therefore surely meant to be) child who would be easy, docile, and bring the whole family together just like a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie disappeared too.
When I finally got a grip and put on my big girl underwear (NOT panties, mind you) to start the day, Molly and I began baking. Seconds later, in her exuberance to point out something incredibly important (colorful sprinkles?), she clocked my in the left eye. Stinging tears, a possibly detached retina, and we kept on baking. It wasn’t exactly a screwdriver through the eye, but it wasn’t fun, either.
I thought I was hiding my grumpiness pretty well (unless the zits gave me away) until we got to Chevy’s. Molly announced to Tom and Jake, and anyone else in the parking lot, “Watch out. Mom’s grouchy because she has her period.”
I confess - I laughed out loud at many points during your post. I love how your kid announced that you were having your period! How mortifying!
That'll be a Christmas memory to file away for years to come...
that may be the best (or worst) christmas eve story ever.
Merry Christmas, Anna! Thanks for all the laughs this year...including today!
bwaaa haaa haaa (i'm not laughing at you).
Now you can rejoice because Christmas is OVER! Yay for periods that turn you into a different person! I cannot blame anything on my periods anymore. Gotta figure out some other way!
Oh Anna - that all sounds so festive!
I am almost a little to happy when I get my period. After OD'ing on babies in 2005-2006, I don't think I'll EVER have a pregnancy fantasty again.
What a funny story - hopefully you didn't get any clots on your trip!!! And so good of you to drop off cookies for your local volunteer fire fighters - I need to do that too!
I can't believe you had a pity party without me. I'm sorry. But at least you can laugh at it, or at the very least, let us.
btw, the second I read "after 40 baby", I started menstruating. I may never stop, you made me so nervous.
You are a beautiful family. Really.
Anna, I love the way you write!
Ouch! on so many levels - the car dealership snafu alone would put a Charlie Brown style cloud over my head! Hope the drive and the rest of the day went ok.
So what kind of car are you getting?????
Your kids are really funny!
On a serious note, why not have minivans instead? It’s because you have a big family, and I know how hard it is to travel on the road with kids. My nieces, for example, love to bring their toys together with their pillows whenever we hit the road. Oh, how space exhausting!
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