So I was having a fabulous dinner with college friends this weekend when one of them mentioned a guy I dated a bit in college. She had seen him on Facebook. I continued eating my salad, but all I could think of was “Holy Batman! He’s on Facebook?!”
After nearly 20 years of nary a peep and zero updates through friends, I now had a chance to see how he’d been doing. Most other exes of mine are still friends. Tom and I go on double dates with a guy I dated for 2 years and his wife. One lives 2 doors down . Several came to our wedding.
But this one was different. He was the last guy I dated before Tom. He was at a tough time in life when he just seemed rudderless, and I worried about him. We had no closure, as we were just “hanging out,” and then one day we weren’t.
Earlier, when I dated a guy who didn’t seem that into me, I was secretly relieved when he later informed me he was gay. So, I think I tried to convince myself that if THIS guy hadn’t really hung around, captivated by my sparkling personality and inescapable beauty, he must be gay, too. File that under “Narcissistic” please.
Anyhoo, I had wondered over the years, because although I had been able to see other exes find their way, establish careers, and start families—I had heard NOTH-ing about him.
Well, upon my Facebook perusing, I see that not only is he NOT gay (hot wife, adorable kids—I know there are exceptions to this, but still…) he has established a great career in a town where you don’t have to wait a freakin' hour to get into the parking garage to go to a darn movie (just venting here), and he appears to have a fantastic quality of life.
But this one was different. He was the last guy I dated before Tom. He was at a tough time in life when he just seemed rudderless, and I worried about him. We had no closure, as we were just “hanging out,” and then one day we weren’t.
Earlier, when I dated a guy who didn’t seem that into me, I was secretly relieved when he later informed me he was gay. So, I think I tried to convince myself that if THIS guy hadn’t really hung around, captivated by my sparkling personality and inescapable beauty, he must be gay, too. File that under “Narcissistic” please.
Anyhoo, I had wondered over the years, because although I had been able to see other exes find their way, establish careers, and start families—I had heard NOTH-ing about him.
Well, upon my Facebook perusing, I see that not only is he NOT gay (hot wife, adorable kids—I know there are exceptions to this, but still…) he has established a great career in a town where you don’t have to wait a freakin' hour to get into the parking garage to go to a darn movie (just venting here), and he appears to have a fantastic quality of life.
During my Facebook stalking (PLEASE tell me he has not yet discovered the “See Who Has Been Viewing Your Profile” function!) I had mixed emotions.
You see, a wee little part of me fantasized that he’d be miserable because he didn’t have me to give his life meaning and purpose. File under "Narcissistic part deux," please.
Because I had neither seen him nor heard from him, in my mind he was still that endearing yet confused 22 year old needing someone to help him. I had stuck him in a box, but he had obviously crawled out of it a looooong time ago, while I went right on worrying. And, really, he was never mine to worry about in the first place.
Have you ever put someone in a box, or in a corner ("Nobody puts Baby in a corner!") only to be surprised when they didn't stay there? Has anyone done this to you?
