Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Missing Kissing

I plan to advise my children, when I get up the nerve to talk about it in about 30 years, to wait to have sex. I know, I know. This may not seem very novel. I would advise them for the obvious reasons: avoiding teen pregnancy and STD’s, not linking yourself forever with somebody who is just, “Eehh...” and because God designed sex for marriage. But in addition, it’s because I feel sorry for kissing. I don’t mean I feel sorry that I’ve kissed people; I mean that with all this sex going on, earlier and earlier, I think kissing is getting, well, the shaft.

In college I was a lot less “festive” than my friends (thanks for the description Glennon!) Because of this I was able to avoid a lot of the angst and drama my more festive friends experienced. I had pretty clearly drawn boundaries when it came to sex, so there wasn’t much question about what was on or off limits. This cut down on my stress level, and it also meant I got to have loads of fun kissing. Long, soulful kisses, playful kisses, make-out sessions that went on for hours. There was no rushing.

Kissing was the main event, the entrée shall we say, and I loved it.

I had every reason to believe that while it may be impossible to recapture the feeling of a first kiss, my life would be forever filled with kiss-fests such as those.

What I didn’t realize is that once you have sex, kissing slips from entrée status to lowly appetizer. It gets demoted from flank steak and mashed potatoes to soggy mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce. It becomes a means to an end. And I don’t know about you, but sometimes I’m just too tired, or bloated, or cranky to order an appetizer anyway.

I simply do not approve that kissing becomes merely a brief stop along the road to bow chick a wow wow. Please don’t think I blame my husband for this. I mean, it’s mainly me. I am apt to say something like, “I don’t feel like brushing my teeth, can we just skip the kissing?” Classy, huh?

Kids, pets, mortgages, jobs, traffic, laziness, DVR's and ice-damming have all contributed to the decline.

Bed and breakfasts, watching my husband do housework, letting me sleep in, and Mike's Hard Lemonade improve kissing's plight somewhat.

I guess I would just want to advise my offspring not to rush, as they say on The Bachelor, “to the next level” if it means neglecting a perfectly good order of potato skins right in front of them.

You won’t be hearing from me for a while. My family and I are taking an “Electronic Fast” for the first week of Lent, which I just realized starts tomorrow(!) No electronics except for phone and work email. We are hoping the extra time will bring us closer to God and to our family. I know I’ll have some serious Facebook and blog withdrawal. Tom will have to cut loose from his Crackberry and college basketball. For Molly, it’s TV, and for Jake it’s the Wii. I'm more than a leetle nervous.

Maybe Tom and I will rediscover the lost art of kissing if we don’t kill each other first


Brenda Susan said...

Wonderful observation & I agree totally! Kissing had had a bum rap! Let the kissing revival begin!

purejoy said...

kudos to you for the fast. if i wasn't married to my computer for work i would throw it in the ocean!! hope this is a meaningful time for you!
happy kissing!

citymouse said...

I think you're right about kissing. Hubs and I kiss all the time but we don's KISS like we used to. Hmmm. I admire your resolve to make God more of a priority in your life (as opposed to our electronic dependency.) We'll miss you but will be here when you return.

vawriter said...

It's not quite midnight--are you still there? I wanted to say I love this blog, agree completely (about kissing and fasting,both) and just wish I had the guts to do it. (The fasting, not the kissing!)

I once had a strange friend who said he was more upset that his girl made out with a guy than he would have been if she'd actually "had sex"--a term I loathe. Sounds like "I'll have the meatloaf and a side of sex, please." So casual.

I'll miss you. Come back refreshed in every way!

Shay said...

I was laughing soooo hard over your "bow chick a wow wow" comment.

I think kissing is romantic and innocent and I totally agree with your idea that it's really lost the place it deserves in the whole wham bam thankyou ma'am culture.

I have lamented publically the fact that for many people these days sex has become a recreational sport.

Enjoy your rest from the mad electronic world. Looking forward to seeing you back here soon.

Lynn Kellan said...

I love how you turn a phrase... kissing has gotten "the shaft!?" Too funny! I can't wait to hear about how your family does without electronics. You are a very brave woman! :)

Anonymous said...

I love this post :)
I was also noticeably less 'festive' than the typical high school and college crowd. I would love to say that was because I was wise enough to have such a comprehensive understanding of the pros & cons of kissing. But it was more about the fear of getting pregnant and ending up on the poverty train.

This is another one of those cases when I wish I had your talent for blogging.... Jeff and I dated for many looong months before we agreed that we were out of danger of 'rushing into things'. Somehow we ended up in a couples sex ed class on campus that met for medical information and discussion. (Maybe it was a requirement for getting the birth control pills prescription?) We have been married now for 19+ years and we STILL laugh about the fact that the instructor/nurse brought in a speculum that was painted and dressed to look like a duck!!

We are both so glad we had those long months for so many reasons...
and we can tell our 3 daughters with honesty that those long months are the most treasured in our physical relationship. The kisses haven't been quite the same since.
And they will say, "Eee-eew!!!! Mo-om. TMI!!" But hopefully they will be listening.

Unknown said...

Hubby and I will celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary in April. Kissing is NOT something that has gone by the wayside for us, I'm thankful to say! We're both over 50 and kissing is one of our favorite pastimes!

slow panic said...

I miss kissing too.

You are going to love the fast. I've done it and I always feel so much better and it gives you some perspective.

The Bearded Lady (Laura) said...

I agree!!

Thanks for the encouragement of the electronic fast!! Definitely needed for us!!!

Amber said...

Loved this post.

Anonymous said...

Funny, I was just enjoying some kissing with my husband last night. Unfortunately, kissing falls by the wayside for us, because it often becomes a prelude to bow chick a wow wow, and in my mind, it shouldn't always have to lead to that. In his mind, it's exactly where kissing should lead. So I don't get to just smooch as often as I'd like to anymore, which is too bad. Back in the day, when I also had boundaries, I too could kiss for days on end without the bcww. It was GREAT. Yummy. Fraught.

I love the term "festive." That is the funniest euphemism I have heard in a while.

Well, I'll miss you while you are fasting, but can't wait to hear all about it afterwards.


the Hawks said...

I totally agree! My husband and I have made a conscious decision to have a little more of that on it's own.

Also, I'm so happy to read that you're observing Lent! I love Lent...

the Hawks said...

okay, and I must add one more thing: I've been married for 8 months, I'm turning 30 in a little less than 30 days, and my husband and I entered our marriage without ever being "festive" with others or each other. I work with teens and I can honestly tell them that we weren't in a drastic minority. So be encouraged that your own kids will listen--as my husband and I did to our parents. We're indebted to them for so many things, a couple of which are: we never compare each other to another experience, we never have to worry about STD's or future complications with children related to our pasts...
Thank you for posting on such a topic!

Cynthia said...

Rock on with the fast!! Good luck.

Ruhiyyih Rose said...

I love kissing my new hubby of 3 months so much!

I was 30 and he was 34 when we married...and we waited for each other, too. I am *so* glad my folks had that super uncomfortable talk with both my mom and my dad.

It was so worth the wait - and now my husband and I are making up for all the kissing we wanted to do in our 20's and did not get away with as much as we would've liked. Among other things!

Happy bloggy break!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You make me feel bad! I have never been all that romantic about kissing... Especially since we've all gotten old. What is it about people's breath getting bad as they get older. Makes me very nostalgic for the days of my youth when we were all prepetually minty fresh.

See you when you get back from detox.

Christy said...

Hahaha this post made me laugh several times Anna! You're so funny and I love your analogies. Hope you and Tom don't kill each other on your electronics break. More power to you both! See you upon your return!

Gretchen said...

Love that perspective! And, good luck with your lenten fast. I know it will be a good exercise for your whole family!

Although I wouldn't want to see your feed reader next Wednesday.

dearheart said...

Anna - There's a lot of funny lines in here and a good message too. (: Love the appetizer analogy.

Good luck with the fast. We'll miss you!

Deb said...

-->Great post! Kisses to you for writing it too. ;-)


Jen said...

I just had this conversation with a friend the other day! So true... I love reading your blog. Thanks for writing!

Itinerant Preacher said...

You have won an online award for creative writing. You can pick it up at my blog http://doodlesinwords.blogspot.com/

Sharon said...

How very, very true. I think I miss Kissing too. I might need to brush my teeth tonight!

(welcome back from your Fast. I bet it was a good week!)

Holly said...

What a Great post!!!! So very true!!! I loved kissing and festivities were off limits!!!! My Grandma, bless her heart, used to tell me and my cousin the best places to go "necking" in her little town and I have to say we found them all. I should explain...cousin and I were best friends and double dated a lot!!!!
Have a relaxing time away from the computer!!