College Students and Depression: Resources and IMPORTANT SURVEY FOR YOU

This is a sponsored post.

Sending a child off to college for the first time has been a learning experience! Sure we miss her, but it has been great to be more hands-off and to start developing an adult relationship with our daughter. I am so proud of her for everything she has figured out on her own so far. We got to see her one Sunday to go apple picking and we'll see her again soon for the holidays. 

I can't think of another life-stage with as much rapid-fire change as the beginning of college, from deciding where and when to eat, navigating a campus, living with strangers, doing schoolwork without your parents breathing down your neck, deciding how much partying is too much, making friends, and managing one's time. It's startling, really. And with all of the happy posts on social media, you can get the impression that you are the only one experiencing any struggles adjusting. Ugh. That's just one more reason to be glad there wasn't social media when I was in college! 

You may remember that I teamed up with Med-IQ to help generate awareness and education around teen depression and reduce the stigma associated with mental illness. Med-IQ is an accredited medical education company that provides an exceptional educational experience for physicians, nurses, pharmacists, and other health-care professionals. 

Like our daughter, other college students are figuring out how to "Adult" for the first time in their lives, and parents are figuring out how to be supportive without micromanaging. It sure is nice not to know how much (or how little) sleep she's getting or how much Netflix she watches, but being several hours away and communicating only through text and the occasional FaceTime, means we can't really know how she's doing like we would if she were home. Like other parents, I've found myself wondering: is what I'm hearing discomfort at starting something new, is it homesickness, or could it be more serious?

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, and winter break shortly thereafter, NOW is an excellent time for parents of college students to check-in and see how your student is coping emotionally. 

If your college student's campus is anything like my daughter's, there has likely been tons of illness and germs going around-- kind of like the preschool petri dish all over again! Talking about staying well on campus could lead easily into asking if your student knows what the campus offers for mental health wellness, and how your student has been feeling about his or her mental health. 

If you're still having trouble broaching mental health with your teen, remember there are great online tools that can spark conversation.

I shared a quick mental health assessment tool with Margaret and her friends before school started, shared it on this blog earlier, and even took it myself several weeks ago when I wanted to know if the MAJOR FUNK I found myself in as I stared down a milestone birthday close on the heels of the most eternally long, infernally hot summer on record was something to worry about. It's great to share with your student as a way to check-in. 

Other online tools such as this excellent College Guide put out by the National Alliance of Mental Illness can spark dialogue between you and your teen. 

The holidays also provide an excellent time to discuss what an "every day problem" is versus a mental health issue. Just the nature of starting something new means there are many problems to navigate! In discussing the problems they've faced first semester, you can help your student label something an everyday problem (such as a roommate struggle) versus a mental health issue. This is not to diminish the problems these kids face, but rather to help give them tools to evaluate them so they will know if they are in a crisis. 

Statistics tell us that depression and anxiety are rampant on college campuses, and that suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for this age group. It's disheartening and can be scary. For them. For us. 

The promising news is that I've heard from several friends whose children, in the first month of college, sought guidance and help from their respective college counseling centers! That is a huge WIN because that means that kids really are getting the message that mental health is as important as physical health. They know where the student health centers are, so why not the counseling centers? Many of our kids already see the value of getting a "check-up from the neck up!" Let's not shy away from bringing up the topic of mental health with all college kids this Thanksgiving and winter break. 

Information is power. We know that talking about depression and suicide does not cause depression and suicide. 

Let's not lose heart. Let's stay tuned in. Let's keep learning. Let's keep talking. 

Important:Med-IQ is conducting an anonymous survey and would appreciate your input. The survey, which includes additional education on this topic, will take less than 15 minutes (more like 5!) to complete. Survey responses are shared only in aggregate. Your responses to these survey questions will provide Med-IQ with important information about your experiences with depression and mental health in your college-age child which will help us develop future educational initiatives. Please take the SURVEY HERE.

Once you’ve completed the survey you will have the option of providing your email address to be entered into a drawing administered by SOMA Strategies to win 1 of 10 $100 Visa cards. If you choose to enter, your email address will not be sold, kept, or stored; email addresses are used only to randomly draw the winners and notify them of their prize. 

I was compensated by Med-IQ through an educational grant from Otsuka America Pharmaceutical, Inc and Lundbeck to write about depression in college-aged students. All opinions are my own.

Links to external sites are provided as a convenience and for informational purposes only. They are not intended and should not be construed as legal or medical advice, nor are they endorsements of any organization. Med-IQ bears no responsibility for the accuracy, legality, or content of any external site. Contact the external site for answers to questions regarding its content. 

Helping College-Aged Students Deal with Depression

This is a sponsored post.

People sometimes ask me whether having lost one child, I am extra fearful about the safety of my other children. In general, I’d say no. Jack’s sudden death and the confluence of bizarre circumstances that led to it, convinced me that no amount of worrying can completely protect our kids from harm. Sure it’s scary, but there’s a certain freedom in that. 

My experiences with grief and trauma have, however, connected me to many families who have experienced teen depression and suicide, and with Margaret heading to college in the fall, this topic looms large! With suicide now the second-leading cause of death for college students, I know it must also be on the mind of many, many of you with high school and college-aged kids. I want to be informed for my family’s sake, and I want to share information with you.

I recently teamed up with Med-IQ to help generate awareness about depression among teens, and learn more about how I as a parent can identify risk factors and access resources. Med-IQ is an accredited medical education company that provides an exceptional educational experience for physicians, nurses, pharmacists, and other health-care professionals. Look for several posts from me on this topic as I learn more! 

Maybe your family is good at communicating, but mine isn’t. Sure, I may overshare on the internet, but at home it’s a different story. 

It reminds me of when Margaret was 6 years old. Two girls in her class were fighting over her. There was drama. Both of the other moms knew all about it because their daughters talked about it daily, yet I didn’t hear a peep from mine, who was smack-dab in the center of  it all. It was an early example of how much my family struggles when it comes to talking about uncomfortable issues and emotions. Heap grief and trauma on top of that and we struggle even more. 

Not that emotional well-being should be a hard issue to discuss, but it is still stigmatized, most particularly for boys and students of color. It is so much easier to talk about physical illness than mental illness; colleges want to change this. 

In fact, the doctors at Med-IQ stressed the importance of looking at mental health in the same way we look at the physical health of our teens. One of the psychiatrists from the University of Michigan, who has decades of experience helping college kids with depression put it this way: “Every student should have a check-up from the neck up!”

Don’t you love that? But how does one even start the conversation about depression and mental health in order to get this “check-up”? A College Guidefrom the National Alliance on Mental Illness gave me pointers. I am printing it out for Tim and Margaret to read so we can all have the same info. 

There is also a great online screeningtool that students can access at any time to see if they might need mental health services. It even connects directly to resources at specific colleges, including my daughter’s. I took the screening myself to see what it was like, and I think asking your child to take this quiz every 6 months or so might be a good way to open up conversation and “check in.”

Transitioning to college is going to be an adjustment in every way. New friends. Freedom. Academic stress. Readily available alcohol and drugs. I’d be lying if I said I’m not nervous about it. I found the following list to be a good starting point of what to look for now and revisit later when school starts:

Signs that your son/daughter might be depressed:

Feeling very sad or withdrawn for more than two weeks.

Severe out-of-control risk-taking behaviors

Sudden overwhelming fear for no reason

Not eating, throwing up, or using laxatives to lose weight.

Seeing, hearing or believing things that are not real

Repeatedly and excessively using drugs or alcohol

Drastic changes in mood, behavior, personality or sleeping habits

Extreme difficulty concentrating/staying still

Intense worries or fears that get in the way of daily activities.

Trying to harm oneself or planning to do so.

I also found this fact-sheet of statistics and risk-factors about college suicideto be very helpful. 

Some of the info really got me down, but everything I read says it’s better to be more informed, than less. If this is starting to sound discouraging, I’ll say I’ve also learned that certain positive or protective factors common on campuses that can mitigate the risk of suicide such as connectedness to the school community, physical activity and exercise, social support such as RA’s, faculty, and friends, plans for the future, and access to services. 

Collegeswant to support students. Parents want the same thing. When we have more knowledge, we are more equipped to help.

I hope you’ll follow along to learn more.

Important:Med-IQ is conducting an anonymous survey and would appreciate your input. The survey, which includes additional education on this topic, will take less than 15 minutes to complete. Survey responses are shared only in aggregate. Your responses to these survey questions will provide Med-IQ with important information about your experiences with depression and mental health in your college-age child which will help us develop future educational initiatives. Please take the SURVEY HERE.

Once you’ve completed the survey you will have the option of providing your email address to be entered into a drawing administered by SOMA Strategies to win 1 of 10 $100 Visa cards. If you choose to enter, your email address will not be sold, kept, or stored; email addresses are used only to randomly draw the winners and notify them of their prize. 

I was compensated by Med-IQ through an educational grant from Otsuka America Pharmaceutical, Inc and Lundbeck to write about depression in college-aged students. All opinions are my own.

Links to external sites are provided as a convenience and for informational purposes only. They are not intended and should not be construed as legal or medical advice, nor are they endorsements of any organization. Med-IQ bears no responsibility for the accuracy, legality, or content of any external site. Contact the external site for answers to questions regarding its content. 

Regrets and Remembrances

It’s 2 a.m. and I can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking of a former student, Alex. Head bent over his desk, never making eye contact, rarely saying a word in class, he would turn in flawlessly written essays that blew the rest of the class’s work away. To me, the way he folded himself down inside his body, and tried to fade into the background was a sign of severe social anxiety. I thought of various medications and wondered if something could free this handsome, brilliant young man from whatever prison he was in.

Partway into the year, in a journal entry, Alex mentioned losing his mom to cancer. I thought it had happened long before, and I jotted in the margin that I, too, had lost my mom and still struggled with it if he ever wanted to talk. I didn’t know the wound was raw and fresh. His counselor had never told his teachers about the loss, just a few short months before.

If I had known how fresh his pain was, would I have done a better job reaching out? In my imagination, I take Alex under my wing, mentor him, and help him break down the walls he had built up around himself. In my imagination, I go on to see him with a cute but shy girlfriend and a small circle of friends, slowly coming out of his shell. But that’s not reality.

In those early years of teaching, some of my male students accused me of being a man hater. They thought I favored the female students who would gather in my classroom for lunch and eagerly soak up my fashion sense and advice about life. I was never a man hater, but as a teacher in my mid-twenties, I was concerned with propriety and my reputation in dealing with male high school students. I think I kept them at arm’s length.

So, instead of saving Alex, I praised his flawless essays, tried to encourage him, and sent him on his way at the end of the year. I followed his progress from afar, calling out to him as I saw him walking down the hallway, always alone. I defended him when his 12th grade English teacher came into the lounge griping, “This Alex So and So is the surliest boy I’ve ever met! He sits and glowers at me all day.” I told my colleague that that the glowering wasn’t for the teacher, but was for Alex himself. Even in my defense of Alex, I was off-base. What I took as poor social skills and teenage self-loathing was really grief, a grief that was killing him.

I think of a home without a mother. Alex’s siblings loved their mom just as much as he did, but they somehow managed to cope. I don’t know whether a more sensitive school counselor would have made a difference, or whether if he had sat in class crying rather than scowling he would have gotten more help.

I know that his father tried. His family continued to stay involved in church and Alex accepted Jesus. His father tried to get Alex involved in soccer, but the joking, crass language, and lack of sportsmanship rubbed Alex the wrong way. It didn’t fit into the structured way Alex thought the world should be. Alex’s dad tried. But a father is not a mother, and a mother is what Alex needed most.

I didn’t see Alex much his final two years in high school When he was accepted to one of the most prestigious schools in the country, I thought that would be his time to blossom. The next time I heard his name, however, what when I found out he had killed himself. I still don’t know how he did it, and I’ve never asked. That is not an image I want in my mind.

I pulled up outside his house to talk to his dad, my two toddlers strapped in their car seats, chattering away. He thanked me for looking out for his son, and I felt worse than ever. We talked about a brilliant boy who felt too deeply. Who silently held people to a certain standard that they couldn’t live up to. Who felt let down by life.

I know I would be a different teacher if I went back today. I would be more willing to reach out and get involved in the messiness of kids’ lives. I hope my kids encounter adults who are willing to reach out to them and care about them.

I think about my own son and I see a quiet boy who takes life very, very seriously. A friend of mine today called him an “old soul.” I see high test scores and good grades and I think-- “brilliant.” Now brilliant is good, but I wonder how one breeds resilience. For surely life is hard, and I can’t protect my kids from hardship. I can just pray they will be resilient enough to keep going in the face of it.

Every few months a guest orchestra plays at our church. The violin player looks just like Alex. I stare at him and imagine he’s still alive, making beautiful music. I imagine he is an overcomer.