Baby Shower!

While I wish we could all get together over decaffeinated tea and cupcakes to celebrate the impending arrival of the miraculous Baby D, I know we are a bit too far flung for that. And you might feel compelled to bring the sweetest little presents, too.

Sounds wonderful, but a bit overwhelming!

Instead, I'm hoping some of you might feel moved to celebrate Baby D in one of two ways that  support moms and babies who don't have the resources Tim and I do.

I read an article in the paper today about how low-income families spend nearly 14 percent of their after-tax income on diapers, while for middle-income families, it's closer to 3 percent! I have great laundry facilities in my home if I want to use cloth diapers, and enough money to cover initial cloth diaper purchases if I choose to go in that direction. I can easily have disposable diapers delivered to my home in bulk, or I can hop in my car to find  the best deals; but for many people, buying diapers means taking multiple busses to buy overpriced, smaller packs that run out quickly, and even leave them debating whether to re-use disposables in order to stretch a pack just a little bit longer.

If an online baby shower interests you, it's easy to send monetary or physical donations to the DC Diaper Bank in Baby Donaldson's name. DC Diaper Bank provides diapers to 30 social service organizations that are already helping families in need.

If you would like to help a mom and a baby in a different way, you know I love the offerings in the World Vision Catalog. The New Mother and Baby Kit provides a bassinet, new baby essentials such as cloth diapers, blankets, a bucket for clean water, soap, and parent support/training for a needy mom around the world. No amount of donation is too small!

There's absolutely NO PRESSURE to participate, but I thought it would be neat to share these opportunities with you as we await the baby's arrival.

With Love and Thanks.

Bump Watch, 34 Weeks!

I'll be at 35 weeks on Monday, so I thought you might like an updated picture of baby and mama!

Things are going well!

The baby is super active, and last night Margaret and I got to see one of those alien-like pokes where it looked like a whole hand or foot was coming out of my side. Very cool!

Please continue to pray that he is developing well, that he comes at the right time for him, and that I can get some much-needed sleep before he makes his debut. My feet have also started swelling a lot, so I'm just hoping that is still in the normal range. The doc didn't seem concerned yesterday, but all I can think of is Lady Sybil from Downton Abbey and her swollen little foot, and also how pre-eclampsia risk goes way up with maternal age and the longer you go between having babies. Eek.

Thank you for caring about us, and TGIF!

Dear Body,

I got out of the shower today and I saw my belly stretching out so far it looked like I might tip over. My breasts, formerly of the marble in a tube sock variety, were full and flush, and didn't look like they belonged to me. Veins popped out where they shouldn't, and unless this baby weighs 40+ pounds and has taken up residency in my rear end, I know that what I was looking at was not "all baby" as folks say.

The image I saw in the mirror surprised me, but filled me with gratitude.

This has been a challenging pregnancy in some ways, but you have done a lot of hard work, Body. I'm guessing you thought this part of your service wrapped up more than a decade ago. But here you are, providing this baby boy with what he needs, keeping him in the safest place for him right now. Figuring out how to move and maneuver and make space inside you for this new life. It's not easy or comfortable, but you are doing it, just as Tim, Margaret and I will recalibrate our lives based on this little guy when he's on the outside, with us.

I want to thank you.

This work you are doing came not when I was a busy young teacher in my 20's, or a strong and fit yoga aficionado of 31, but after many years of being sedentary. Of cocooning during grief. Of not giving you the best foods for you. Of not sleeping enough, or taking vitamins. Of injury and repeated illnesses that came after my heart broke.

To be called into service this way likely surprised you, and this pregnancy has taxed you beyond what you experienced the others times, but still you pump the blood, carry the girth, and feed the baby.

You didn't get to coast these final years into menopause and the unique "joys" it will bring.

I know that in a few months I'll probably be rushing you, wanting you to go back to the "before" too quickly, if that's even possible. I'll complain about trying to find clothes that fit, and wonder if, while nursing a baby, you will ever feel like you are completely "mine" again.

But you have done something miraculous. Getting this far was never a given. Ever.

Thank you, Body.

Love, Anna

Falling Softly

(25 weeks tomorrow!)

After church today, we stopped by someone's house to pick up a maternity dress I'd bought on a yard sale site. As I got out of the car, I stumbled in my boots and pitched forward. I don't know where I start and stop these days, so keeping my balance is a challenge. Righting myself, I continued to the door and grabbed the dress, leaving the money under the mat. But by then, tears had sprung up in my eyes.

I'm not sure why I was crying. I know it was scary to think a fall could have hurt the baby, but I didn't even fall. And I know that I don't have a good relationship with driveways since I blew out my shoulder on ours 2 years ago.

But to start crying?

I haven't cried ONCE over the fact that I'm 46, pregnant, and scared, and that starting over feels like both a blessing and a burden.

I haven't cried for Jack in a while-- not on Christmas when I bought a present for him to "give" Margaret, or when I patted his empty stocking, as if somehow wanting him here enough could make it so. Not even at New Year's, which conjures a host of unwelcome feelings, particularly about leaving him further in the past.

I haven't cried over lack of sleep, which sometimes amounts to just a few hours a night because of sore shoulders and a tiny bladder, although I know that sleep deprivation is taking its toll, and I worry it could set me up for the unfamiliar territory of postpartum depression.

Heck, I haven't even cried over the indignity of varicosities so elephantine they make standing and walking difficult, intimacy impossible, and, well, just bum me out on a daily basis.

As we pulled out of the driveway, Tim reached over to touch my hand. "You ok?" I nodded, but kept crying softly. Margaret was quiet in the back seat.

I guess sometimes we cry over nothing, like stumbling in a driveway. And sometimes nothing feels like a little bit of everything.

Baby Gear Advice Needed

Worlds are colliding!

At the very same time I'm packing up the kitchen, dining room, and living room finding things to get rid of in anticipation of our upcoming remodel, I'm putting together a list of must-haves for when the baby comes. Somehow, in the next three months, all of this will come together, right?

We are turning our kitchen, formal living room, and tiny formal dining room into a more open, but not completely open, space. Gulp.

If you have advice for me regarding baby products, either lifesavers or duds, please let me know in the comments.

I HAVE:

I got the following items from our yard sale site or from friends.

Changing table
Crib mattress
Bouncy seat
Bumbo seat
Inflatable bathtub insert
play mat
Peg Perego Primo Viaggio infant car seat (from a friend, no accidents)
Britax Advocate Convertible car seat (from a friend, no accidents)


KNOW I NEED:

Crib, here's the one I'd like to buy because the baby's room will be gray and yellow (Margaret has the decor under control :))
Breast pump and bottles
Nose Frida
Nail clippers
Thermometer
Infant bathtub or insert-- Is there a good one for washing baby in the sink or on the counter?
Fisher Price Rock and Play sleeper
Diapers
Wipes
Changing pad and cover
Crib sheets
Diaper trash can
Snap and Go Stroller
Boppy pillow
Clothes
Extra car seat base

FILL ME IN:

What am I missing? Please tell me about: sleep sacks, the DexBaby DayDreamer, swaddles, co-sleepers, The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD, baby wash, diaper creams, Moby wraps, Ergos, an infant car seat that swivels for getting in and out of the car...and anything else you can think of!

Is there one product you wish you had known about sooner?

Thanks for your insight!

(affiliate links included in this post)

It's A Glamorous Life

I had my monthly OB appointment today, and the baby seems fine!

The appointment itself had some ups and downs. I was running late, and got a bit frazzled when faced with a crowded parking garage. By the time I made it to the office, I had to pee, which is great, because that's the very first thing you do at each prenatal check-up-- provide a urine sample.

I sat on the toilet, relieving myself and also feeling relieved to have made it reasonably on-time despite a 30 minute fight with traffic. I looked down at the Dixie cup in my hand. Empty. I had peed all right, but I'd forgotten to pee in the cup.

Now, I am a prolific urinator, pregnant or not. Ask anyone who has been on a car trip with me. Just thinking of a waterfall or a raindrop will make me have to go. So, I sat there visualizing Niagara Falls, the ocean, and a tall glass of water, to no avail. I soon realized I'd have to wait a while before providing a sample.

Back in Reception, I explained my failure to produce and asked if I could please have a glass of water. Not a problem, they said. You might think a pre-natal appointment would be extensive, giving me ample time to work up a good pee, but I wasn't so sure. Because rather than gathering 'round me oohing and ah-ing, treating me like the Advanced Maternal Age Walking Miracle that I find myself to be, the professionals act, well, as if they've seen this kind of thing before, and this isn't the first baby to come around the bend. Thus, early visits are a quick blood pressure and fetal heartbeat check, a smile, and a "See you in a month." This is a blessing, because it means things are going well, but it didn't provide much time for the water to work its way through my system.

No fear! I KNEW I could produce. My bladder was filling by the second.

So, I said good bye to the nurse and headed back into the bathroom. However, I hadn't counted on the time and skill  it would take for me to wrassle myself out of various pregnancy undergarments while clutching a Dixie cup.

First there were the maternity jeans that come up to my chest.
A squeezy support tube top around my middle.
And the piece de resistance-- something that resembles a chastity belt, but that I like to fondly call The Vulva Holster, a utilitarian maze of straps and velcro designed to try to keep one's lady parts from dragging the ground whilst one walks. Mothering often robs us of our dignity, so why not start in utero?

I was doing fine with the wrangling, but I clearly did not expect what happened next.

As a germaphobe, especially around medical offices, I carry a jumbo pump bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse, to be used obsessively throughout my visits. My purse, weighed down by the pump, as well as my fears, jumped from the hook high on the door. Down it came, clocking me on the head and scattering my wallet and all the other contents onto the RESTROOM FLOOR.

At this point, the precious drops of liquid gold I'd worked so hard to produce over the last half hour did burst forth, not into the Dixie cup, but into the multitude of undergarments with which I struggled.

Nooooooooooooo!

I wanted to seize my personal items from the floor, hoping that the faster I did it, the less germy they would become, but I was here to give a urine sample, and I wasn't leaving until I did. So I lunged back over the pot and managed to secure the remaining pee in the Dixie cup.

Whew.

Since I couldn't celebrate this small triumph with a glass of wine or even a McDonald's iced tea because of the caffeine, I treated myself to some quick thrift store shopping, where I scored some new-to-me maternity clothes.

And I only had to stop to use the bathroom twice.

A Third

When the kids were around 5 and 3, and my baby fever was in overdrive, I asked Jack what he would think of having another sibling.

"Can a baby play with me?" he asked.
"Well, not for a good while," I said. "But eventually."
"Then, no." he said.

He changed his tune a few years later:

"Mom, when are you having another baby?" By that time, I felt as if the window had closed. "You and Margaret are at an easy age now, but babies are HARD."

"You're only 36," he said.

Then, "You're only 37. You know if you had had one when you were 36, the baby would already be one by now."

Aargh.

Margaret was less pushy about the baby thing, but after I told her about China's one child policy, she figured that adoption was the best way. She wouldn't just get another sibling, she would get a SISTER!

She wrote on a piece of paper in Sharpie, "ADOPT GIRL FROM CINA" and stuck it on the fridge. It was spelled wrong, but the meaning was clear. Jack added his 2 cents to the bottom in pencil, "no."

I'm not sure whether this meant Jack was anti-adoption, anti-CINA, or whether he was holding out hope for a brother, but the years just continued to add up and our indecision became a decision.

Same conversation every year.

38
39
40

Jack said, "Have another baby, you're only 41!" just two weeks before the accident. I told him about my old eggs, but he wasn't buying it.

So, I'm guessing he's pleased with how things are unfolding, even though he would be 17 years older than this baby. He won't be here to play with him, drive him places, and help his mom out. But I do think he will be watching over all of us. And Margaret won't get the sister she always wanted. But there will finally be three of them: Jack, Margaret, and, Baby Brother.

It's interesting to think of those conversations over the years. Was Jack's unrelenting pressure because he wanted another playmate, or was it because deep down the tug of the universe was letting him know he didn't want Margaret to be left alone? 

It's a mystery.

And I'm adding it to my list of questions for when I get to heaven.

Baby Gender Reveal! It's a...

Last week was pretty terrible, but it got a whole LOT better toward the end. My morning sickness had abated, so I felt energy I hadn't had since summer. I wanted to get things done! I wanted to enjoy the fall weather! 

On Tuesday, a friend and I went for a walk, and I felt a sharp pain in my back. Kind of like 4 1/2 years ago when I reached into the fridge for a jug of milk and felt a pop. Yep, my back "went out" and since I'm pregnant, there wasn't much to do about it except ice it, use a heating pad, and be in pain. By Friday, I could barely move. Thoughts like, "How will I ever take care of a baby? I can't lift anything with my torn shoulder, and now I can't even walk!" flooded me with insecurity and doubt.

Saturday I woke up feeling better and we decided to go ahead with a gender reveal party with our Bible study group and their kids. Tim and Margaret did EVERYTHING for the party while I rested my back and read. 

At around noon these guys showed up with the most gorgeous cake they had made from scratch! Inside, the cake color would indicate whether we are having a girl or a boy. Dawn and her family (including baker extraordinaire, daughter Ellie) had known the gender for A WEEK but did a great job of not giving it away. Well, Jack's friend on the left did say a little something as they were leaving that made Margaret and me wonder...

Margaret and a friend did the decorating, and had a little chalkboard set up for people to vote BOY or GIRL. They also made necklaces to wear, indicating people's guesses.When our Bible study groups got there, in the late afternoon, we were, gulp, ready to find out!

Here we are about to cut into the cake. Wait, where did Tim go? He was out in the driveway waiting for the pizza guy.

After we found Tim, it was cake cutting time! Some people wondered if Tim and I had peeked at the contents of the envelope and knew the gender already. Nope. We wanted to be surprised.

If you would like to see a one minute video clip of the cake cutting, head to the An Inch of Gray Facebook page. I tried to put it here, but it wouldn't let me.

Oh, if you are going to go watch the video, don't read any further until you have done it. I don't want to ruin the surprise.

***








Ok? Good.

Here, are the photos right after we found out:

IT'S A BOY! Sooooo exciting!

I kept apologizing to Margaret that we didn't get her a sister with whom she could wear matching preppy dresses or show how to do makeup, but she handled it beautifully!

My back held out, and it was a wonderful experience to share with a few of the friends who have walked with us so closely through the good and bad, including my sister, her 2 precious kids, and others you will recognize from Rare Bird like Cindy, Jenn, and the young pastor.

Everyone was gone by 6:30 pm, and Tim, Margaret, and I set out to eat the huge bowl of homemade guacamole we forgot to put out for the party.

p.s. The cake was DELICIOUS!