Keeping it Real

Lest you mistakenly think our family life is all sweetness and light, I thought I'd share a picture I came across last night.

When Jack imagined taking his kids to Mount Vernon, I really don't think THIS is what he had in mind:

Vacation Round-up

Dear Readers,

Thank you for weighing in on whether or not I should read the bathroom copies of Us Weekly, etc., on my beach vacation. For the record, I did NOT. Considering, however, that we got evacuated Thursday morning because of Hurricane Irene, there's really no telling if I would have held-out had we stayed at the beach an entire week.

Highlights of the trip:

Hanging out playing cards and drinking wine with dear friends.

Reading Oliver Twist aloud in the car.

Watching back to back episodes of Friday Night Lights thanks to Tom and Netflix.

Private pool.

Perfect Weather, impending hurricane notwithstanding.

Date night with Tom. Out by 5:30, back by 6:30. Are we sizzling or what?



Yes, I'm wearing a shirt.
Speaking of back by 6:30, when I saw the pics Molly took of us before we left, I realized I was having An Inch of Gray Emergency. Nothing like capping off a hot date with some Root Touch Up on the deck. What a guy!


North Carolina Aquarium. We even saw box turtles mating.

Evacuation Trip to Great Wolf Lodge.
My face looked a lot like the kids' did when I realized that after almost a week of earnest-- okay obsessive-- lice prevention at the beach house (plastic bags, sequestered pillows, lots of laundry), I would have to rest my weary head at a KIDDIE RESORT. Oy vey.

Fine dining.

Yes, that's leftover beach house fridge salad, saved in a cooler for dinner at Great Wolf Lodge. Tom wanted to pizza delivery; I wanted the buffet. He thought the buffet was too expensive. Soooo, we ordered the kids the buffet and we adults sat there with ice water, scowling at each other.

Instead of breaking down and ordering, which I really should have done, I stuffed my face on bag salad, cheese, and Oreos back in the room, before falling asleep in bed-- with Molly. Nothing like keeping the aggressive in passive/aggressive.

Tom and the kids had fun on the awesome slides...

but none of us feels compelled to go again. It just wasn't really our vibe. If we're not even going to spring for meals there, you can bet the resort didn't get buy-in from us for: building our own wolves, having a robot serve us ice cream, getting kiddie pedicures, filling plastic cups with candy ($8!), and sporting temporary tattoos.

Let's remember that when Tom took Jake to Legoland in California, he bought him a $3 Lego mini-figure as a souvenir, and when I took Molly to the American Girl Doll Store in NYC, I got out of there having spent just $19. I would tell you that our entire honeymoon cruise bar tab amounted to $2.50, but that's simply too depressing.

Simply put, it was time to come home.

So now we're home, the laundry is in the machine, and we're awaiting a hurricane that may or may not batter the East Coast.

And you? What are YOU doing as summer winds down?

Please Take Me Home, Country Roads

Family Ski Trip: The Highs and the Lows

So we took the kids skiing this weekend. Here are some highlights and lowlights.

Low: Driving in a full-blown snowstorm up and down treacherous country roads.

High: Dramatically improving my lackluster prayer life during the drive.

Low: Having Tom scream, “Shut up! Shut up! Won’t you two ever just SHUT UP???” to the kids who were fighting, weeping and wailing in the back seat the entire car ride.

High: Finally sealing the deal that we wouldn’t ever be allowed to be judge-y with other parents. If you had told us 10 years ago that we’d use such language with our spawn, I mean precious children, we would have told said were crazy.

High: Saving $10,000 when Tom yelled at the kids in the car, “We were PLANNING on taking you kids to Europe this summer. Now I know we can’t take you ANYWHERE, EVER!”

Low: Saving that $10,000.

High: Taking a Jacuzzi bath with Molly in our hotel room.

Low: Having Molly look at me au naturel, scream in horror, and say, “I’m never growing up!”

Low: Wasting $100 upon discovering it was “Donate A Canned Good and get $10 Lift Tickets Day,” but finding ourselves absolutely can-less.

High: My saving us tons of money by generously abstaining from skiing (as I have since 1989).

High: Finding enough quarters in the crappy waiting area to buy a treat from the vending machine.

Low: Pushing the wrong button and getting a Baby Ruth.

High: Can't think of one.

Low: Having Molly, all zipped up and outfitted to ski, tell me she hated me, hated skiing and she would never ever ski in her whole entire life.

Low/High: Spending 2 hours talking her off the ledge by appealing to her Disney Channel and I-Carly sensibility by sharing with her that I always felt left out when my friends and BOYFRIENDS could ski, since I'd never learned how.

Super High: Seeing her go off with her class for a beginner’s lesson knowing she would kick skiing’s butt (and not mine for at least another hour and a half).

Low: The fighting, the fighting, did I mention the fighting?

High: Watching the kids swim and laugh together in the indoor pool, having more fun together than they have had all year.

High: Reading books inside the crappy waiting area while my family skied in 10 degree weather.

High: Watching Molly feed a cow-sized deer a kernel of corn without being stampeded by the deer's 6 cow-sized buddies.

Higher High:
Seeing Tom’s attitude and outlook on life improve as he shared his favorite pasttime with his smiling, skiing kids.

High: Finally getting ready to drive home!

Nadir: Mere moments after finishing a book about being a good Christian wife and mother, when Jake started wailing because he didn’t want to carry his skis, finding myself so pissed at his infantile behavior that I threw his ski boots onto the floor (sending one boot down a flight of stairs), snatching out of his hand the pack of Resee's Pieces I had just bought him, and storming out of the (very public) building.

Infantile? I’ll show him infantile!

Not sure how to wrap it up except to say that both kids really took to skiing, Tom and I have started talking again, and we're already planning a day trip before spring.

Wordless Wednesday-- Worst Mini Golf Outing Ever