Monday, May 14, 2012

Monday Catch-Up

My sister says she checks my blog compulsively, hoping for an update. I don't want to assume that others do that too, as if I'm some sort of famous person, but I do feel bad when I let days and days go by without filling you in. Does it make you worry and wonder?

If I leave you on a sad note, do you worry that I am down for the count, under the covers until the next blog post appears? If I leave on an "up" note-- do I ever do that?--- do you think, "Wow, Anna's doing great?"

The reality is that during the course of a day, or even an hour, I am up; I am down; I am all over the place. Each day holds its blessings, and its pain.

Last week we had the UP of Margaret doing an AMAZING job as Lucy in "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" at school. You've known for years that this girl had dramatic flair, and being in her first play channeled that spunkiness beautifully:

When the narrator talked about "Lucy the Valiant" at the end, I thought. "Margaret, valiant, yes." Not willingly, for sure, but valiant all the same.

She has really, really wanted to play Lucy, ever since Jack played Lucy's brother Edmund the last time the school put on the play. We would practice his lines around the kitchen table. I was the White Witch, and Margaret was Lucy.

The play program this year said, "In Loving Memory of Jack Donaldson. With Aslan."

Wow. Beautiful. I know.

So, it was sweet to see Margaret get to use her gift of acting to entertain. And it was bitter without Jack there to cheer her on, or to critique her every move. Sweet/Bitter. Bittersweet.

Same with her class's Medieval Feast on Friday. She was an archer and did a lovely job. In the back of our minds, however, was Jack, our little dictator, The Lord of the Manor .

And Mother's Day?

There was the bitter of not having this little group together:

Mother's Day 2011 photos. That is a DART in my dress. A DART. Thank you. Seriously, if anyone enjoys Photoshop and would be willing to de-nipplify/dartify these pics for me, I would be GRATEFUL!

And the sweet this year of this hug after Margaret's soccer game:

A tough day, indeed, made much more bearable by cards, love gifts, flowers, texts and emails from friends loving on us. Thank you. By the new blue ribbons festooning fences in town. Thank you. By the prayers sent up by moms gratefully holding their kids close and wishing I could hold both of mine. Thank you.

And today, the school is attending a Shakespeare Festival. One year ago Jack played MacBeth.
This year his name and his favorite Bible verse (Luke 1:37) adorn the progams and the back of the kids' t-shirts.

Ouch. Bitter/Sweet.

So today's post is really just to let you know I'm here.

I'm up.

I'm down.

And I'm glad you are with me.


Renee said...

I must admit, I check your blog regularly as well....I want to know how you're doing and what, if there is anything in particular, I can pray for.
I will say though, I made the decision that after today I'm not checking your blog until I am home from work. I was a tearful mess sitting here at my desk. I was hoping no one would need me for at least five minutes while I got myself together...
Thank you, again, for sharing your ups and downs with us. So glad your family is a part of a school and a community that cares for and supports their own during these hard times.

Meggan Hayes said...

I am a complete stranger but am a photoshop wiz and would gladly get that "dart" out of those pics for you! So you can see that I am pretty normal you can check out my blog at daysatthehayes(dot)blogspot(dot)com. And if you feel comfortable email the full res pics to meggan(dot)hayes(at)gmail(dot)com and will make them all spiffy. It's the least I can do for you and your sweet family.

Jennifer Kay said...

Oh my gosh as I was leaning toward the computer screen to figure out if that was a nipple you announced DART and I almost lost it. At my desk. At work. SOOOOOO FUNNY!

Initially what I was thinking however was that the picture of you and the two kids together was a SWEET picture.

Try to edit pictures, no obligation (you don't even have to sign up) and it does an awesome job.

L said...

A photoshopper has stepped up already! Yay! Especially since my only related skill is giggling at said dart. Love you so much. Margaret the Valiant. Jack with Aslan. Oh my. Love. Hugs and tears right here at my desk.

Cassie Bustamante said...

i read your blog when you post.... whenever that is. :) and way to go margaret!!!! the valiant!

Anonymous said...

With Aslan. Breathtaking.Thank you for reminding me what is important. I just spent a frustrating morning trying--unsuccessfully--to fix the laptop that I dropped and appear to have broken. As I read this beautiful post (on my old and slow backup computer), I am reminded that the "things" of this world do not matter AT ALL. Thank you for sharing your life with us, as painful as it can be. My faith has been strengthened because of yours.

Anonymous said...

Lost it when I saw, "With Aslan".

luv2run said...

Fortunately or unfortunately I am one of those compulsive checkers. Just a quick click of the key multiple times a day to keep my life grounded! Because this is one of the pieces of my puzzle in life that helps me get through things. I can't explain it.....but I appreciate your words, good, bad, up or down, I really will come back for more!!!!!

Life is NOT easy! I am feeling that way a lot these days.....

Zoey said...

Anna, I follow your blog, but I will be honest, I have to be in the right frame of mind to before I read your posts. I am amazed constantly at your grace, and I always hug my kids a little tighter after I'm done. I think of you often, and I thought of you repeatedly yesterday. I know you get 1001 of these comments daily, but I hope that they help a tiny bit.

Love to you.

Nicole said...

I cry, I pray. You remind me to enjoy every moment we have here.

Lisa said...

With Aslan. *sob* Oh, how touching. So happy to hear that Margaret had her moment to shine as Lucy...and she is quite valiant.

mrscravitz said...

I do read your blog each time you update it in Google reader. I can not imagine going thru what you do, and as I read your blog, you bring an understanding, if there is one. I know life is very difficult for you right now, and for this, my heart just breaks. "I" miss Jack, of whom I have never met, yet thru his death you have brought him to life on the pages of your blog. Jack had so much wisdom. Thank you for sharing him with me. (and everyone)

Princess Kate said...

I saw you and Tim Sunday at the soccer field (we were leaving when you were coming) and I wanted SO much to hug you and tell you what you mean to me and I just couldn't. I felt like I would be bugging you and I didn't want to do that. I was SO disappointed in myself for not letting you know what an impact JACK is making on me and how your blog has changed my life. I hope I get another shot some day. Prayers are always coming your way from me.

Anonymous said...

I check every night...not exactly sure why. I can't explain. I pray for you often and think about you daily. I get chills when I look at your pictures. I'm amazed and in awe of you. You're beautiful and you're making and downs and in betweens. Prayers for you all.

Debbie said...

I check your blog every day too, famous person ;)

And I thought of you yesterday on Mother's Day, and gave my two cuties extra kisses for you and Jack.

Unknown said...

Oh Anna, I do check compulsively. And I am up and down and all over the place with you, which feels like the right place to be.

Wish I lived closer though. Hugs.

PS Gorgeous Margaret!

missy said...

'With Aslan.'
....and I couldn't read on. Wow. Sobs. It is a beautiful thing that God is creating through this nightmare.

Eliza said...

With Aslan. Oh goodness...I lost it for a minute there. I am one of those crazy blog readers that "checks in on you" often. I so appreciate your honesty and voice...prayers.


A Speckled Trout said...

I check often when you don't post, then I check often when you do so I can reread and absorb what you write.

Thank you for writing this today feels like a phone call from a friend who's checking in.

Kim said...

Yes, we are with you, and yes, I check daily, or nearly daily.

Annabelle said...


If not for my google dashboard I'd be checking every day :) When more than one blog update, I save you for last. The depth and magnitude center me. Someday, with Aslan, as you see what this blog has done for all of will be blessed as we are each time you find the strength to update.

Thank you.

Heidi said...

Up, down, wherever...we're here.
A big, big hug to you.

Anonymous said...

I check your blog daily:) It looks like you've lost weight, are you eating? Margaret is looking more like Jack:)

Anonymous said...

“It is as hard to explain how this sunlit land was different from the old Narnia as it would be to tell you how the fruits of that country taste. Perhaps you will get some idea of it if you think like this. You may have been in a room in which there was a window that looked out on a lovely bay of the sea or a green valley that wound away among mountains. And in the wall of that room opposite to the window there may have been a looking-glass. And as you turned away from the window you suddenly caught sight of that sea or that valley, all over again, in the looking glass. And the sea in the mirror, or the valley in the mirror, were in one sense just the same as the real ones: yet at the same time they were somehow different - deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know. The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like that. The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more.”

I think that in spite of the ups and downs, which are only too understandable, you are traveling toward a deeper country, and making Jack very proud.

booksandcandy said...

I check your blog all the time, in fact you are on my google reader and I was checking today and your new post came on. I don't know why I feel I need to check in I just do.
I have to stop reading on my lunch break though because up, down, all around I always cry. Sometimes I cry because I can see how much you miss Jack,sometimes I cry because I am so so so JEALOUS of your faith, sometimes I cry because you are so amazingly strong and sometimes I check it because heck I just need to cry, I miss my two babies I never got a chance to hold and I feel so stupid that I do miss them so I use your blog as that release.
I am sure this comment doesn't make any sense. I hope I haven't offended you in any way. I have nothing but the upmost respect for you. Many many hugs

IrishRN07 said...

Is 3 times a day compulsive? Perhaps. ;)

Thank you for this post and for your update. I'm so glad that there are moments of peace every day; I hope they get longer and more frequent.

BTW, too thin Anna. Too thin. I'm sending cookies. Is that weird?

spedhead said...

I do compulsively check your blog also. I am excited when I see a new entry because I know it is probably going to make me laugh and maybe also cry, but no matter what you write it gives me strength. You suffered what most of us would consider to be the worst, and you and your family are making your way and carving a new life. Actually, when you take a couple days off I hope you are too busy enjoying family time, etc, to blog. And you do leave us on both ups and downs. I think you come across as a very positive person, despite your honesty about how bad this past year has sucked. You honor Jack by making us all feel like we know him, by lovingly sharing stories and how he has impacted you and so many friends and loved ones. It does just seem so senseless that he is gone.

As I looked at the pictures I was hoping you would comment on the DART, lol. I think you are hilarious and I am always impressed by both your humor and honesty.

spedhead said...

I forgot to mention how lovely Margaret is and I am glad she has been busy having so much fun :)

Pip said...

Hi Anna
I do check on you most days and appreciate your honesty. Thoughts of your family pop in my head while I'm hanging washing on the line (it must be those little boy clothes). Sending you prayers and love.

Patricia said...

I do admit that I check your blog daily for an update....just to see how you are - if everything is have inspired me to live in the moment, and to be very, very grateful for the people I have been blessed to be given in my life. my children especially. I say a prayer for you and your family every night. And we are all in it for the long haul - the ups and the downs.......

Fiona, Lilyfield Life said...

hi Anna - I was thinking of you on mothers day and hoping you were going ok. thank goodness for your spunky little girl.
cheers Fiona

Beth Zimmerman said...

Love you, sweet girl! Continuing to pray!

mia said...

checking in always, concerned... praying and loving you and your sweet family.xoxo

Ellen aka Ellie said...

With Aslan. I love that!

Yay Margaret!

Yay ups!

But the downs, they are to be expected.

I don't check your blog, I read your when your title is in bold in my reader. On my reader?

Don't worry about our worry, do what works for you--and for your sister.

If you dedartify the dress, you'll have to tell the story anyway. So don't bother.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

The pictures from last year are so cute. I am so sorry Jack is not here for you to hug. ((HUGS)) You know you are in my prayers and I know that you are in Gods hands. I love when I see a post from you but you don't need to post daily.
So glad that Margaret was in the play and what a sweet thing dedicating the play to Jack.

Julia said...

Happy Mother's Day...a day to stop and celebrate. But if, like you, have lost a child or like me, have a broken relationship with your is painful to face. You are and will always be Jack's that is worthy of celebrating. I am the kind of mother to my children that I needed from my that is what I celebrated. Up. Down. That's where we all are.

I continue to check on you because I care so much about you and your family. Especially the well being of Margaret.

By the way, just the other day, I stepped outside and a Blue Jay flew across my very small backyard. It flew from one side to the other quickly and landed on a tree. I have NEVER seen a Blue Jay in my yard. EVER. I would like to think Jack had something to do with that. For sure, I thought of Jack and sent up a prayer for you.

xoxo, Julia

Anonymous said...

Anna, I can't help but notice and comment on how you always seem to be clutching at Jack. It's almost as if you knew to hold on to him as tight as you could for the time you had with him.


Anonymous said...

Still thinking of you, praying for you...every day.
lisa G in CT

Laura at Ms. Smartie Pants said...

I don't wanna sound like I am creepin, but yes I check on you most days. When I do I imagine that you are all over the place with your emotions, I just want you to know you aren't alone. I haven't said this before because I don't want it to come off wrong but the timing of you loosing Jack has happened as my youngest left the nest. And while I KNOW, strongly know, it doesn't compare to you loosing your dear sweet Jack there have been times I have felt as if I am mourning too. We all live our lives and build our hopes and dreams for our kids and sometimes they don't turn out like we had thought or hoped. I have spent the last several months wishing I could turn back the clock to when my children were younger and you wishing you could turn it back to when Jack was still here, either way there's pain, (please know I know yours is much more difficult). If only we could always get what we want! Glad to see you all keepin on!

Anonymous said...

The ups, the downs, throughout it all I'm glad to see Margaret is still able to shine. I know she must miss Jack terribly, but it's nice that she is doing wonderful things. Thank you for the update -- gives us a window into the roller coaster. I love that Jack's school is honoring him in so many different ways -- what a special place. The dart - hilarious! I thought it was a dart, but glad you clarified as I did notice something!

Sending you, Tim and Margaret prayers for peace.

Mandy said...

Anna, you bless me! Thank you!!!

New Mom said...

I must check in at least 10 times a day. And even after you've posted, I'll still check in multiple times more. But I can never comment until I've let it all settle in. I'm usually speechless after initially reading your precious posts. Today I just kept saying, "With Aslan. WOW." That was at once heartbreaking and like a breath of fresh peaceful air. I just think of Aslan's strong, loving and capable arms holding all those we love. It's a beautifully tangible picture of Jesus. Thank you so much for the update!

starnes family said...

I'm glad you're up at times.

I thought about you a lot yesterday. Mother's Day is a difficult day for many, I think. For me, because I'm estranged from my mother for 5 years now. For others, because they can't conceive, have had miscarriages, have lost children. It's hard for me to celebrate when I know that it's a reminder of so much pain for so many.

Keep your strength, sweet girl. I think you're doing remarkably well. I wish we were neighbors. (Not in a creepy way.) Then, we could have coffee or tea and just sit. And, cry or laugh or just sit. Sometimes that's good, too.

Nancy said...

I read your blog to check on how amazing you are and how you handle everything with grace. My heart breaks for you, but I know you have faith and many supportive people in your life.

My adult daughter stopped talking to me three months ago and I am longer able to see my one year old granddaughter. I feel such a loss that some days I lose my will to live. I am so hurt that she got mad over some little thing, and has ruined my life in the process. I come to this blog for strength. My prayers are with you

Anonymous said...

Another stranger who checks in on you, thinks about you, and worries about you. The "with Aslan" thing is just incredible. Margaret is an amazing girl, and she will be an incredible woman, just like her mama.

Millie xxx

Anonymous said...

I also check in on you every couple of days. I just can't seem to explain in simple words how I would do anything to rewind that day you lost Jack. I can not even fathom your hurt, but I also hurt for you. I think of you everyday Anna, everyday I either think of you or share your story. I wish I could fill in some of your loss. My husband is doing some work for a family that lost their 11 year old boy to a rare brain tumor. When he was diagnosed he quickly diminished in health an died about 9 months later. His parents are like you people of great faith and his mother has found a lot of comfort in founding and running a foundation to try and fight these tumors in children. She told my husband without the grief would consume her.
As many others have sad you have an amazing way with words and I think you could help so many others with their grief.
I am sorry that this happened to you Anna, I got down on my knees and prayed for you (and my Mom who is having a Pet Scan for her stage 4 breast cancer). I asked God to provide you and your family more daily comfort and peace. I hope it helped.
Much love, Jackie in New York

Beth Gourley said...


All I can say is that you are incredible!!! Thank you for letting us all into your daily lives. I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.
Beth Gourley

Mrs Changstein said...

I check all the time. Pray alot too. I consider being OCD or AR as a GIFT (Paul just forgot to mention those ones in his list of spiritual gifts...that's alright, I forgive him.) Those gifts are from my father (along with the unibrow - and thank you, dad, for those monthly eyebrow wax appointments).
I figure life is hard - when we don't hear from you, I just pray you're getting through. So glad that you have a wonderful community around you. (With Aslan. Slayed me.)

Anonymous said...

Yep - I do check up on you, usually when I am at work during the day. Usually I close the door partway in case what I read "gets" me - eg laugh, cry, snort, sigh. Hey, that rhymes!

Was hoping you'd had a good Mother's Day. Sounds like some really good things happened this week. Glad for that.

Loved that person's Narnia comment about the "deeper" world. Now you are all part of it, valiant and perhaps slightly unwilling empaths.

Glad to see Marg is acting and playing soccer! Go Marg! Best to all of you - Coach Jess

Jana said...

Was thinking of you and praying for you yesterday.

Gina said...

That is one suspicious looking "DART"! (: Yes, I am a daily stalker, as well. Sometimes multiple times a day. I think about you and your family several times a day and pray as well. I am sure this Mother's Day was not an easy one. Seeing those pictures from last Mother's Day and then seeing the picture of you and Margaret this year just about ripped my heart out. I have a seven year old daughter and I think of Margaret often. I pray for God to guard and protect her heart and fill up the void in her heart as only HE can.

God has a plan in ALL of this. The Word says He works ALL things to our good. Continuing to pray for you and your family.

Much love,

mariann said...

Yup - check on you a fair amount. Mostly at night so I know how to pray for you. I pray for you when you are down and when you seem to be up -- I know it is a constant roller coaster.....and even that doesn't describe it well. My heart aches even more, and I pray even more fervently when you write about DCS events -- such a gargantuan, mammoth heartache in such a small place.
Love the DARTS -- that humor will go a loooooong way -- trust me. Much love -- Mariann

tacykay said...

Anna, I do check in on your blog often, but it's not because I worry about you. I check in because this is one of the most beautiful examples of a loving online community that I've ever seen. I know you're going to be okay because of all the people who carry you and your family in their hearts. I am though, so sorry for all the pain you feel. Wish I could take some of it away for you. Hugs to you and yours.

Anonymous said...

Hi Anna, I have never met you, but yes worry when you don't post, but understand it as well. You take care of your self, glad you had a good Mother's Day. Mary in NY

Anonymous said...

Um...yes, yes. Love you stalk you. Ok, maybe not stalk. But I check, and when things seem low I do worry and wonder and hope they improve.

My two favorite series as a bookwormish child were the Narnia books and the Anne books. And you've touched on them both recently. I read this blog because you write beautifully, your stories are meaningful to me, and I feel like if I ever met you, we'd have some things in common and find some things to chat about. Most "mommy" blogs I read, I'm pretty sure that the blogger and I would seem like aliens to one another, but not here.

Jana said...

And by "yesterday", I meant Mother's Day. But yesterday too :)

Four in Costa Rica said...

With Aslan. Two little words are so powerful! I mourn and grieve with you, Anna, and it eases the sting for me to remember that your precious son is living with the King of Kings! No more death, sorrow, crying, or pain--and God has wiped away all the tears from Jack's eyes. We know that this life is just a blink of an eye, though to our human selves it can sometimes feel like forever. Jack's faith is such an encouragement to press on to the goal. I hope to tell him that myself someday!

I check your blog regularly, and there was one time a while ago when you didn't post and I just kept praying it was because you were busy and having some especially good moments. We will continue to pray that the ups outweigh the downs as time passes.

I loooooooove the pictures of Margaret and that she played Lucy in the drama. Congratulations to your beautiful daughter who continues to inspire as we see her embracing life and blessing others with her talents and infectious smile. Thank you for sharing her and Jack with us.

Geri said...

I check in every few days. If there is a gap in between posts, I don't wonder or worry so much as think you are without words at that time. I never think oh anna is doing great!, even after an "up" or funny post, because I know how fleeting that is not even 9 months into your grief. And to be totally honest, I check in here for me (how's that for admitting my selfishness), because I find such eloquent, beautiful words here, whether you are up, down or somewhere in between. I hope you do continue to share whatever words you have with us. And if you run out, well that is okay too.

Christen said...

I don't always comment, but I wanted to let you know that I'm still praying and thinking of you and your family. Thank you for this post

Gina said...

Something just struck me really freakin' hard. You have introduced Jack to all of us who never got to me your son in person. We have gotten to know him even if from a distance. We have grown to love him and miss him. But it just struck me as I read another person's day, I will REALLY get to meet him!!!! Can't wait to greet him in heaven and tell him how he has affected my life and countless others.

The Green Family said...

Anna ~ Yes, I check on you daily. It seems like you help ground me on what is important. I'm addicted to your writing skills and feel like I know you.

I tear up at work and constantly ask myself 'What if that were me and I lost my Jayden?'

I know words are only that..words. Here is me giving you my thoughts, love and prayers. ♥

Beth from Vienna said...

I have said many times that I don't know you, but I can't let you go. I check your blog many times a day. I think about you all the time. I noticed the new ribbons - I see everything. Your honesty and openness has made me a better mother and person. A distant acquaintance of mine passed away last night and because of you I feel moved to go to her viewing and her funeral JUST to let her family know that the short moments I had with her were filled with light and optimism. I wouldn't have felt it was necessary prior to you - now i know it is. Thank you for everything you are and do.

Elizabeth said...

I check your blog at least once, maybe twice a day, not because "you are some sort of famous person", but because, to me, you are a real person...with a real loss, and I can relate to that. You keep it real...with your ups and your downs. You make me realize that I must feel blessed for everything that I have and what I don't. Your writing, your words...keep me coming back - whether it's an up moment or a down moment.

Mouthy Housewife said...

Blogger wasn't letting me comment yesterday, but I hopefully I'm off probation today.

I was thinking about you a lot this weekend and sending prayers your way.

So much love to all of you. xo

mosey (kim) said...

I'm more than happy to de-nipplefy your photos - just send 'em over.

And I'm in awe of just how often you do keep us updated. I've barely written on my blog in months but you are a force of nature.
Sure wish I could have seen that play - one of my favourite book series EVER.


Mrs. E said...

I did think of you on Mother's Day. I knew it would be hard. That line about Jack with, that got to me.

Aimee said...

Happy Belated Mother's Day to a fabulous mom!! ;) I'm still here reading you're blog, can't miss it! ;)

Congrats to Margaret for a job well done, just as talented as the rest of the family! I'm sure Jack was watching ;)

Lots of thoughts and prayers continue for the Donaldson family.

Teachinfourth said...


I have to admit that the quote on the back of the program for the play was touching.

'With Aslan...' I like that.

I hope that you are able to feel the pain for as long as you need to. That you are able to still see the good in the world, because it's there, and know that this is all temporary...because it is.

Sheri said...

Dearest Anna - I am another one who checks in several times a day - I even have a sticky note on my computer that simply says "Anna" as a reminder to not only check in with your blog, but to pray and send loving thoughts your way. I was thinking of you so, so much on Mother's Day and am very grateful your had Margaret's hugs - and the love of so many friends - to see you through. And I am loving hearing about Jack and seeing how his life continues to touch so many people. What an incredible mom you are. xoxo.

Kathy at kissing the frog said...

Anna, I just found your blog today, and I have been searching to find out what happened to your son. I, too, lost a son in 2010 to cancer. I had a bittersweet Mother's Day on which I took a lovely picture of my other four sons, but everytime I look at it, I am missing the one who isn't here. My mother's heart is with you wrapping you in a knowing hug. I will be following your blog and keeping your family in my prayers.

cheryl said...

I'm glad to hear Margret did great at the play on Monday. I wish I could have been there after hearing about it, but life has a way of getting in the way of some of the things we wish we could do.

Let's share a hug again soon dear. Grab some coffee or tea.


Anonymous said...

I am with you whether you know it or not, and am always glad when you post--even though what you have to say may bring me to tears.

much love,

Michelle said...

I thought of you on Mothers Day this year. Sent you hope and wishes for strentgh on what must have been a hard day. And, thought of Jack again this week, when I spotted (and got a picture of!...) an oriole outside my window! I have NEVER seen one in this area. I think I will, from here on out, think of your Jack when I spot a rare bird.


Tracie said...

Still praying for you and thinking of you. So many people have a story and I thank you for sharing yours and your thoughts, heartaches and joys.

Unknown said...

I check your blog regularly. I like to read your updates, both happy and sad. Knowing you're still there and carrying on is such an amazing inspiration. I know that you're going through one of the most painful things a person can ever experience, but your words let me know that it's possible to survive. They give me hope to move through some of the difficult and painful situations in my own life. You give me strength and courage to pick myself up and try again each time life causes me to stumble or fall. I've never met you and probably never will, but you have become a regular part of my life, and for that I am so very grateful.

Mandy said...

I check, and worry when you don't post. Am amazed by your profundity when you do post. What an incredible supportive school you have. x

The Bipolar Diva said...

Congratulations to Margaret! I bet she was wonderful! Check in when you can. Some days, as you know are tougher than others, so be on your own timetable, not everyone else's.

Susan said...

Truth be told, I check your blog regularly whether I comment or not.
It's weird really. I don't know you but feel like I do.
It's a mother thing.
Always thinking of you and of sweet Jack.

Anonymous said...

Dee from Tennessee

Prayers , prayers, prayers.

Yes, bittersweet - how could it not be?

DawnGes said...

Dear Anna,
You were in my thoughts and prayers constantly throughout this past weekend.

Thank you for your beautiful words. The image of Jack with Aslan is real--permanently etched in my mind's eye.

Love, hugs, prayers

Princess Kate said...

Just checking in to say that I am thinking about you today and praying for a peaceful day.

Salvimom said...

Dear Anna,

Happy belated mother's day. So glad you "checked in". I'm one of those that constantly checks your blog as well to see how you are holding up and to offer even a small sliver of consolation with a few pitiful words. I don't know you, but oh, how I love you. You are an amazing momma. You make me constantly reevaluate the choices I make with my own children, as I know that our time with them is not always as long as we hope. So as I sit here at work and (try) to hide these tears for you, all I can say is I LOVE YOU. HUGS FOR YOU. PRAYERS FOR YOU. As long as I am able. God bless you love.

Ury Salinas,
Seattle, WA

Anonymous said...

I check your blog regular too, even it means tears run down my face most of the time when I do. You put your feelings in words so well. God bless sweet lady. Thanks for letting us go on this journey with you.
BTW, your children are so, so beautiful- inside and out.

Baltimore, MD

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I think I've read this 10 times since you posted it.

Margaret is valiant. So are you.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Again, stop with the worrying about us. We all assume the ups and downs, right gang? Huge congrats to the reluctantly valiant Margaret on her theatrical debut. And, oh, yes... I was all set to ask you if you needed a cardigan given the nippy weather, but then you mentioned the "dart." Call 'em what you like, Anna, they look perky.

the mama bird diaries said...

I always think of you and want to know how you are doing. So thank you.

Leslie said...

Like most everyone here, I visit constantly. And hope and wonder all of the things you mentioned. And then I pray.

I was determined, DETERMINED to get through a post without bawling. So far, I've not been successful. Not even one time. I feel like if I can do that, I'm being strong for you - it's SO STUID. And I'm so weak. I was breathing through everything and not crying until "With Aslan." Da*%&@it. I'm so sorry he's there and not here.

I love the photos from last year, and I remember them well from last year :) I'm sure someone else already sent you photoshopped photos, but just in case, I'm emailing you with some today :)

Always reading, always praying.

Meredith Self said...

what a great post. thank you for sharing that.
with you through the ups and downs.

today, playing with amma in the rain...and...sending oodles of love to you and margaret.

last night, chat with chad about his thoughts on grieving his friend who died a year ago in a skateboarding accident. also, sending gratitude and love to you for helping me be there for chad. and just love for you and your loss.

Unknown said...

I used to think I was weird for thinking of you so often, of checking in to see how you were. Now its just part of my normal routine to pray for you, Tim, and Margaret.

The dart cracked me up.

Jack, with Aslan, had me crying.

Love to all of you.

prenni5 said...

Oh Anna...I thought of you on Mother's Day. Knew it would be tough. I loved the family pics and the one of you & Margaret from this year. If you are up and down then I would say you are 100% NORMAL for a woman in your shoes. Is there any other way to be?! I'm wishing you more UPS then DOWNS in the days ahead.

Alexandra said...

How do we do the undoable?


How do we become something bigger, stronger, braver, more determined than we thought we could ever be?


By living with the life they created for leaning and believing in what is ahead for us.

We have hope, because of HIM.

Thinking of you. Always.

With so much love.

Cameron said...

Anna, I have not been able to read your blog lately, so today I am catching up. I must say I was crying, and then I read the dart/nipple part and I have spent literally the last 5 minutes laughing. I know I am a stranger, even tho we do share 2 friends, Camey and Jill. But your words mean so much and I try to remember them while dealing with my own children and life journey. Know there are prayers and love sent up to for you, Tim, Margaret, and Jack daily.

Anonymous said...

I'd be happy to photoshop it for you...if you haven't already had it done.

if so email me at gina2pa@gmail.