Thursday, February 3, 2011

Stepford Mom?

So it seems Molly sometimes doubts I am who I say I am.

We were snuggling in bed when she was about 5 years old and she starting rubbing my back.

Molly: "Do you know what I'm doing?"

Me: "Rubbing my back. I like it."

Molly: "I'm... checking for batteries."

Me: ...

Molly: "Sometimes I think my real mom got taken and was replace by a robot."

Alrighty then.

So I guess I shouldn't have been TOOOOO, TOOOOOO surprised when the following occurred during check-out at the Hampton Inn last weekend.

I looked up from my hot tea to see Molly looking frightened, leaning against the wall. Okay, maybe she was cowering.

Me: "What's the matter, Molly?"

Molly: "You're not my real mom."

Me: "What? Why?"

Molly: "When you were checking out, the lady asked your last name and you didn't answer her. You just said 'Umm' and had to look at the bill before you said 'See.' My real mommy would know what her name is."

Oh my. Poor thing. Her real mommy does know what her name is, usually. But with no fewer than 3 possible configurations of my name, 5 email accounts, multiple passwords for work and home, phone numbers-- home and cell, and even my new personalized license plates, I sometimes get a tad...confused. I was just glad I had pants on.

I would like to think if I were replaced by an imposter, my doppelganger would have more energy, more patience, could figure out elementary school math and would be a better cook that I am. But I guess we need to keep this whole thing semi-believable.



Ellen aka Ellie said...

To describe equivalent fractions to my students I tell them I am:
Miss Stewart
Mrs. Seaman
El Babe (okay I don't tell them that one, only two of my brothers use that one)
Many names for the same exact me, just like 1/2 is 2/4 is 5/10, etc.
You are not alone in your confusion, but your daughter is alone in her suspicions. Can't wait to read her version of Mommie Dearest one day...

Unknown said...

That's hysterical. Should we be worried about her--or you? Maybe she knows something we don't...

Christy said...

That is so funny Anna! I think half of my memory died when I had my first child. And the other half when I had my second. You do the math - I'm hopeless! Ha!

Gretchen said...

that is so hilarious Anna. I dont' know if I should laugh or cry. Or cry laughing. I know this has got to be true because you can't make this stuff up!!!

Cynthia said...

I think I was about her age when I thought my parents were imposters in zip up costumes! Truly! It only flared up in my imagination now and then, but I think I really thought that briefly. Crazy!

Debbie said...

You gotta love the vivid imagination of a child!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh no! No disassemble. (Just seriously dated myself)

M. said...

That reminds me of when I was a teen and out shopping with my mom, especially during the holidays. I was a real stinker and would “whisper” to her, but loud enough for the cashiers to hear me say “make sure you sign the right name this time”. Mom would get fluster and the people behind the counter would raise an eye brow trying to figure out if I was joking or serious. Good times, how awful of me.

Anonymous said...

Your sense of humor is sublime. Bit hearts and a {{squeezy hug}} to you today, with extra points for getting out of the hotel with your pants on. Nice work.


Heidi said...

OH.EM.GEE. This is hilarious. What has she been reading?!

Amy said...

My aunt once told her wide eyed boys that their mother was in the basement, tied up because she couldn't manage to be mean enough to make them behave and she was here to make sure the job got done.

I'm not sure if there was permanent emotional scarring from this little moment in time - one became a doctor, the other is in graduate school. They *seem* ok.

It's a family trait to lie in that generation. My mother once told those same little boys that there were actually flies in the "chocolate chip" cookies and not chocolate chips at all. They were quite suspicious about cookies for awhile after that.