Monday, July 14, 2008

Return to Sender?

Somehow, recent catalog and online ordering on my part has yielded a catalog heretofore unknown to me: The Vermont Country Store: Purveyors of the Practical and Hard-to-Find. I am not sure what I did that prompted them to target me as a customer, but boy does it make me feel old. Who knew so many caftans were available in one place?

This catalog operates on nostalgia, and I must admit that some of the items do take me back. Classic Tretorn sneakers remind me of my dad. The Lanz of Salzburg nightgowns that my mom, sister and I all wore, and Charles Chips Potato Chips in the big yellow cans transport me back to simpler times.

I hate to admit, however, that callus scrapers and “Tired Old Ass Cream” might be relevant to me at not quite 40 years old. In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll tell you I did have to wear the surgical support hose on page 23 for my entire second pregnancy! What an experience that was-- chasing a toddler in the sandbox and at the pool in the heat of July wearing granny stockings.

If you read my earlier post on perfumes from the past, you’ll be happy to know you can still buy Love’s Baby Soft, White Shoulders (a personal fave!) and even GeeYour Hair Smells Terrific Shampoo.

What surprised me the most were the pages labeled, “Intimate Solutions for the Next Stage of Your Life.” Oh my goodness. I would NOT want to have to explain these items to Jake or Molly. It’s nice to know the caftan crowd still knows how to have a good time.

I hesitate (ok, for about a millisecond) to even make fun of this catalog because more and more items seem useful to me the longer I peruse the pages. I’ve actually been looking for a cooling bandana for Shadow to wear on our walks and there’s a very reasonably priced one. We could even get a matching set-- one for her and one for me.

My mouth did start watering when I saw the Bit-O-Honey and Chiclets. I may be able to resist those, but on page 105 is something I’ve dreamed about since 1979. It was on many an unfulfilled birthday list of mine, along with a Chia Pet and the craft kit that made shrunken heads out of apples. There it is in all its glory: The Original Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine. For only $19.95!

Aargh. I cannot tell you how badly I crave it, but I’m afraid if I place an order, I’ll be put on the AARP mailing list before my time.


Kate Coveny Hood said...

I loved my Snoopy Sno Cone machine! Although I was never allowed the Easy Bake Oven... Still bitter about that - that and the hamsters and gerbils I was refused. Just kidding about the rodents - as a grownup, I can now relate to why my parents refused me any pets involving wood chips.

Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

I wouldn't despair. We had 2 gerbils, Bonnie and Clyde, and Bonnie ATE Clyde!

Anonymous said...

Tretorns! Had 'em. Lanz nightgowns! Had 'em. Love's baby soft! Everybody had it. I'm enjoying this trip down memory lane -- thank you :)