Monday, March 15, 2010
I know you have been waiting with baited breath to find out what kind of mess I’ve gotten myself into. Ok, maybe not. But I’ll share anyway.
Did I get myself knocked up? No, that was 1998 and 2000. Did I tell my neighbor I used to date her husband? No, that was 2003.
The mess I’ve gotten myself into shall from this time forward be referred to as “The Great Meat Debacle of 2010” or TGMD for short. I’m hoping I’m safe leaving off the ’10 because I certainly hope this won’t be a yearly thing.
On Thursday, after a very full week at work, I was tossing a tennis ball to Shadow in the driveway when 2 men pulled up in a flashy van. Normally, when door to door salesmen approach, I do what anyone else would do— pull the shades and pretend I’m not home. On Thursday, however, I was cornered in the driveway, and before I knew it, I was engaged in their spiel.
They started opening boxes of frozen meat in my driveway, trying to convince me to buy CASES of the stuff, at GREATLY reduced prices. “We’re almost GIVING this stuff away!”
Now, I’ve been known to have a soft heart, even when it is undeserved, but I’m not really known for being gullible.
Did I used to take flowers to the creepy shirtless guy and his great dane who lurked around our elementary school because I thought they looked sad? Sure.
Did I buy overpriced candies and unwanted candles from my students who were trying to save up for class trips to New York? Sure.
Have I occasionally bought an unwanted magazine subscription here or there? Fine.
But I don’t easily fall for a scam.
Thursday was different. First of all, I had skipped lunch. They say not to grocery shop on an empty stomach, but what if the grocery store, a la meat truck, comes to you? My hunger made me vulnerable.
I’ve also been going through a big “I’m so darn tired of cooking phase,” so to see those hundreds of little steaks, chicken breasts, and salmon steaks all vacuum sealed and waiting for me, I started imagining not having to make dinner decisions for the next 6 months or so, and that appealed to me.
Looking back, here are some of the tactics the guys used on me:
Told me my neighbors bought from them (LIE)
Told me they needed to sell me the meat because a neighbor’s freezer was broken (LIE)
Started opening packages even when I said I was not interested.
Blocked my driveway with their truck.
Took up so much of my time that when I tried to decline and slip away, it felt as if I’d already passed the point of no return.
Appealed to me as a mother, wife, and cheapskate.
Made me feel sorry for them, “We’re taking a loss on this…”
Showed me pictures of their children
I guess you know how this is going to end.
By the time Tom pulled up, providing a perfect opportunity for a Good Cop/Bad Cop getaway, I was too far gone.
Tom firmly said we didn’t want the meat, but at that moment he was no longer my husband; he was just some shmuck trying to stand between me my own little Meat-Lover’s Paradise.
I bought $700 of meat I didn’t need and didn’t really want.
Tom was pissed.
I felt stupid.
He immediately googled the company and found reams of complaints about their sales tactics, but it was too late. Our freezer was stuffed. I knew that every time I pulled a steak out of the freezer to eat, I'd really be eating crow.
Tune in tomorrow for the rest of the story…