Thursday, October 15, 2009

Put Through the Wringer



So in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and my recent milestone birthday, I had a mammogram today.

I thought it would be a great idea to get this done in my local doctor’s office rather than the massive radiology building downtown. Of course I planned this well before I discovered this office has become the apparent world epicenter of the swine flu.

Half the patients in the waiting area were wearing face masks and there was much sneezing and hacking. I tried to fill out the paperwork using only my elbows so my hand wouldn’t touch the communal pen, but that proved difficult.




The magazine rack? Empty. A sign said: “Due to the large number of cases of swine flu (H1N1) we will not be providing magazines at the present time.” Eww. Not the kind of thing someone like me needs to read. After years of inner turmoil and debate I had almost convinced myself that it was okay to read magazines in doctors’ offices, at least in the supposed “well waiting” areas. No more. One step forward, two steps back.

Anyway, when it was time for my mammogram, as I stood there in all my (8 years post-breastfeeding, marble in a tube-sock) glory, the technician asked, with a straight face, “Do you have implants?” Now I know she was just following policy, akin to 7-11’s “We Card Anyone Under 100 years Old,” but STILL. If what the technician saw today had ever been touched by a plastic surgeon’s knife, there’d be a lawsuit out there with my name as plaintiff.

The actual smooshing? Worse than I remembered—by the time she took the pics my boobs were somewhere between the thickness of a toaster strudel and a frozen waffle-- but I’m glad I got it done.

I hope you’ll remember to make an appointment, too.

14 comments:

Ali said...

Great post!

Deidra said...

Marble in a tube sock! Ha! Glad you kept your appointment. Good for you!

Shana said...

I'm scheduled for next week. Ick. My mom died of breast cancer and my previous doc had me doing mams every six months since I was in my late 20s. After I moved and got a new doc, new doc said it was overkill and I'm back to annual. YAY.

Just found out today that two teacher's at Carlie's school are out with swine flu. Not even sure what to do with that little piece of info.

Mwa said...

Thank you for doing your part to mobilise us all, but after that description of the process, I may wait another few years.

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

January is my Mammo-Month!

sokphal said...

Ugh. This all sounds like fun! Maybe in 10 years when it's my turn they'll have better technology...like LASER mammograms!

purejoy said...

such an important reminder. and it would make my day, no MONTH if i could be carded and asked if i had implants!!
i usually get a mamm for my birthday!

Christy said...

I'm a few years away from this joyful occasion! Fun post to read, not so fun to actually go through, it appears!

for a different kind of girl said...

This serves as my official reminder that I need to do this. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't done so yet, and I'm knocking on nearly 42. Making an appointment is going down on my 'to do' list today.

the mama bird diaries said...

That is scary about H1N1.

Glad you got it done.

Karly said...

Eeeeew, I'd never thought about doctor's office magazines before. Now I'll never be able to read one again!

Glad you got your boobies squished.

Leslie said...

Oh, yeah, I'm REAL inspired now... ;)

Drew said...

I don't have a problem wearing a mask for fear of swine flu. I might look like I need drug rehab for some mentally intoxicated induced decision, but hell, at least I won't have the flu.

Courtney said...

Okay, I've just discovered your blog and spent a (ridiculously) large amount of time reading your posts (which I love). This one, however, made me laugh out loud...which I REALLY love. I'm following you now, girl!