Itching to Talk to You

So much and yet so little to write on a Monday.

I could update you on my shoulders...(torn labrum is feeling MUCH better, thank you, and my husband and I are back to sharing the same bed!)

Or on how it feels to have the book "out there" for real people to read (not weird at all)

Or how I coped with our town's high school homecoming festivities without Jack (left town, had a great time, tried not to look at FB. Peeked anyway, gah!)

Or what it's like to have a kid whose math homework is now way too hard for me to help with (humbling)

Or that Tim and I almost jetted off to Paris for his work, but instead stayed home and got hooked on the True Detective DVD's he got me for my birthday (saved money, scary, good)

Or whether you think I should start signing every text with a simple new embellishment. (To Tim: "Please buy dog food. XOXO, NYT Best Selling Author" To my sister: "Period through jeans again. XOXO, NYT Best Selling Author" Is that too much? It's not, right?)

Oh I just don't know. Monday is making me feel all over the place, so let's just go with this morning's events-- a visit to the dermatologist followed by a wait at the pharmacy that was, I'm certain, long enough for me to pick up every single germ that lurked in the back of Rite Aid. And far too long for my bladder to hold its 3 cups of tea, but heck if I was going to use a bathroom in a PHARMACY, so I held it during a drive home laced with an, "I think I can, I think I can!" pep talk for myself.

But then, because of leaving the garage door open for our garage-mahal builders, the door to the house was locked but I had no key. I was locked out with a full bladder and a yard not wooded enough to provide an acceptable level of privacy, should I have to go outdoors.

A plan emerged.

Tim was getting a physical back in town, where I'd just come from; perhaps I could head him off at the pass and get a key from him before he headed to work. And instead of just waiting for me in the doctor's office parking garage, he suggested Starbucks. So we had a 10:30 a.m. date, which is pretty spiffy for a Monday morning.

Yes, my part of the date consisted saying, "Hey!" and running to the bathroom, but moments later it  seemed pretty date-like as he slid a house key across table with a smile. Had this been Mad Men, not my suburban life, and had I not just come from a dermatologist who diagnosed me with an itchy, creepy skin virus  over my entire body, well, this story could have ended differently.

Instead, Tim headed to work and I to the gas station.

But you should have seen how hot he looked as we parted ways and he whispered,  "Try Shell. We might have gas points there."

After a few more errands and an ill-fated search for red lentils at the store, I'm back home, Shadow at my feet, trying to ease my way into this week.

I hope your week is filled with love, laughter, and non-rashy days.

Vertigo

I've been dealing with vertigo for about two weeks now. First come the bed spins, the whoosh in my ears and my stomach when I try to sit up, and then, once upright, the strange, loopy way of looking at the world.

I wonder, why do the trees lunge and dip for me, when I suspect they are still standing at attention for others?

Mid-way into the second week, I begin to feel so much better. Driving is okay. My balance returns.  It is a relief to feel almost like myself again, to know the vertigo is a temporary affliction that leaves me pretty much clinging to my bed during the regular end of the school year craziness-- so that's kind of a win.

In some ways, the vertigo took me back to the early days of shock and grief.

Back then, there was a real sense that the world I was looking at was a different one than others saw. I remember the leaves on the trees being so astounding clear and individualized, and the sky so alarmingly blue, that I felt extra vulnerable, as if I'd somehow stepped outside but forgotten my skin. People and things moved all around me, but felt separated from me, as if we were all running smoothly on conveyor belts, turning this way and that, like the maid in the Jetsons. I craved connection, and stability, and the way things were before.

My house and yard looked exactly the same, as did my pretty little town, but a growing awareness that something horrific had happened, right here, made it all feel seem off-kilter and sinister. The old world of school, and work, and kids, and church ceased to exist in a flash, in a moment. The new upside down one, of learning how to outlive a precious child, flashed its skewed existence at me day after day until I could begin to get my bearings.

It would take months and months of living with a profound sense of vulnerability and disorientation for me to begin to feel a little better. Of course it was a new self that emerged, standing not-quite-upright as before, but stable enough to face the challenges ahead as the future spun before me in a new, unwanted direction.

Old School

Back in the stone age of blogging, say 6 or so years ago, bloggers sent around questions like this to get to know each other better. I thought it would be fun to join my friends Kim and Elaine in answering Old School Blogging questions today. Feel free to answer any of these questions in the comments section, or if you are a blogger, please link up with other bloggers HERE or HERE to make new friends.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The Americans on Amazon Prime. Tim and I are trying to watch at least one episode every night after Margaret goes to bed. We are staying up too late, but I'm glad it's a show we both want to watch. I love the outfits from the early eighties, but Felicity, I mean Keri Russell, looks a lot more stylish than most suburban moms I knew back then.

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I just let Shadow out to pee. It is so windy today! I'm guessing she's NOT getting a walk unless things settle down a bit.

What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Lot's of  stuff. Family wall calendar, pictures of the kids. I'm in the kitchen.

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I would buy five acres in the Shenandoah Valley and put a GORGEOUS cottage on it so I could see the mountains from my porch/es. And by cottage, I mean adorable yet spacious house with all the bells and whistles. Preferably yellow.

Tell me something about you that most people don’t know.
I like to organize other people's stuff. I think I would do a good job of helping elderly people think through what to keep when they are overwhelmed with the task of downsizing.

Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
Telemarketer. I don't pick up the phone. Ever.

If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
I would blow open the kitchen to the living room and dining room. I would do it TODAY. I'd also add a screened porch, b/c I miss my old one. And I'd have ferns on it, if I had someone else to water them and keep them alive.

What was the last thing you bought?
A scarf from Everyday Icing and a chair from Overstock.com. Working from home has become expensive for me because of pop-up sales on my computer screen. I also have a slight chair problem. I give them away, but somehow keep ending up with more.

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? 
Sky diving, but only if I am strapped to an instructor. No way would I trust  myself to pull the cord!

If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
I'm weird and tongue tied around famous people. See also: "Anna meets Cheryl Strayed, Maya Angelou, and Kelly Corrigan and says NOTHING." If this hypothetical includes those living or dead, I'd take a gyro and fries with my mom and my son Jack over ever meeting any famous person.

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I don't really have any stores I'm that into. Homegoods, maybe? Marshall's? I should probably pick a clothing store because I'm sick of all of my clothes, but I don't even know where to start. Friends tell me Nordstrom Rack is awesome...

Is the glass half empty or half full?
I would say half full, but my family would probably say I'm half empty!

What’s the farthest-away place you’ve been?
Romania?

What’s under your bed? 
Baseball cards.

What is your favorite time of the day?
Mid-day. I would be a happy camper if all of my interactions-- social, business, amorous or otherwise-- could take place solely between 10-2.

What Inspires You?
People who overcome obstacles. People who are humble and are not worried about personal reputation or glory. People who aren't afraid to get involved in messy situations. Foster parents.


Your turn! If you are a blogger and want to do some Old School Blogging, just cut and paste the questions, grab the badge over at Elaine's, and Please link up! 

Midweek Musings, In List Form

1. I can not seem to finish a single project these days. Everything I'm working on has one little detail missing. Yet do I finish it before moving to the next thing? Of course not.

2. Irony alert: I am fixing up classic, sturdy, vintage furniture to sell so I can make money to re-do my daughter's room with items made primarily of particle board.

3.When hammering the lid on a can of primer, you first might want to move your daughter's brand new comforter and fabric ottoman out of the way.

4. If Joe Kennedy was indeed as driven and ambitious a father as depicted in "The Kennedys" I feel sorry for all of his children.

5. Lo and behold, Greg Kinnear and Katie Holmes are 100% believable in the roles of JFK and Jackie. I would not have believed this had I not seen it myself.

6. I do not see how the Kennedys had the time and energy for all of those extramarital affairs. I mean, I know they didn't cable back then, but it just sounds exhausting.

7. Watching a miniseries on Netflix can keep one from completing projects.

8. Speaking of projects, when someone cuts wood for you at Home Depot, be sure to measure it before you take it home. Aargh.

9. While I now admit that the Pump2Fit is a waste of time and money, rolling paint on a ceiling, while tedious, is good for those cafeteria-lady arms.

10. As I picked up some new propane at Home Depot today, I realized I am ever so grateful to be part of a propane cylinder exchange rather than a needle exchange.

What are you musing over today?

A Thought for Today

Happy Friday and much love to you!

Playing Catch-up

Since our last chat, I've been up to, well, about 5 feet, 5 1/2 inches. Yeah, if my dear colleague answers with his height one more time when I ask him what he's been up to, I'll... I'll... I just don't know what I'll do.

Here's a random recap of what I really have been up to. After reading it, you may wish I'd just stuck with my vital statistics:

1. Reading spiritual memoirs. I'm in LOVE with authors Don Miller and Anne Lamott. I know I'm about a zillion years late falling in love with these two, of Blue Like Jazz and Traveling Mercies, fame, but I just gobbled up Miller's new book:

and an older one by Anne Lamott:

Love, love, love the way they write and the way they make me think about my life and my story. They remind me of one of my favorite bloggers, Glennon.

2. Homeschooling and negotiating. Okay, not really. My poor daughter has only been out of school 3 days and we've already lost her summer math packet. We also haven't decided where to send her to school next year. So much for stability.

We are, however, reading a book about Women's Suffrage from the Dear America historical book series. She's loving it and I guess has taken some lessons to heart, because after a huge blow-up with her dad last night (over stuffed zucchini), she marched down the stairs carrying her "picket" as they say in the book.

Fortunately, I intercepted her and used my crack negotiating skills to talk her back up to her bedroom banishment. Somehow a hate note on the very same white board he took her to buy at Michael's earlier that day didn't seem like it would further her case for justice.

3. Buying ill-filling pants at the thrift store. Yep, in an effort to save money, I've made the brilliant move of buying used pants. Without a dressing room. The question is, is it really a bargain when I suddenly look like I have BIFF--"butt in front?"

4. Watching movies! Grand Torino was awesome! Acting? Meh. Story? Stellar. Tom and I discovered after an electrical storm that for some reason we now have Cinemax and Showtime. I hope to watch a few more movies before it goes back wherever it came from.

5. Avoiding my bathing suit. Yep, we canceled our pool membership this summer to save a little money. Happily, that means no bathing suit for me. Sadly, it means no fun for the kids, who have been hanging out in our driveway wearing suits and goggles hoping neighbors with a pool with have pity on them.

6. Sending kids to 9 hour a day church camp without sun or insect protection. Crap. I hope to remedy this tomorrow. Tick check will be tonight at 9.

7. Watching TV! The four of us are hooked on "America's Got Talent." An early contestant who billed himself as a "Genital Daredevil" and put his privates in a bucket with a firecracker really grabbed our attention AND expanded our vocabulary. It was a real teachable moment. The other acts have either horrified or inspired us, too.

8. Admiring my hair. To the average person, my hair is not doing anything that special. But after my hairdresser gave me a straightening treatment, I look less like this:

and more like, well, a normal person.


A normal person who just smelled something icky, but still.

So I guess that's about it in my little kingdom-- apart from doing laundry, going to work and trying to discover my hidden talent-- definitely not genital daredevil-dom--What about you?

Do I dare ask?

What have YOU been up to?

In the Blink of a (Red) Eye

Have you ever seen one of those TV shows where you get an inner monologue of what’s going on inside a person’s mind? I think this is highly unrealistic, because I KNOW there’s a heck of a lot more going on in the average person’s mind than just a random thought or two. At least this is true of my own mind at any given moment.

The running commentary in my head ranges from the mundane to the wacky to the outrageous, and I am glad it stays private. It could be a personal pep talk, a petty gripe, or an irrational fear depending on the second. If I tried to share this info with you, you would either die of boredom, think I’m crazy, or both.

I can be driving in the car, looking out the window, and I’ll go from, “Whoa, I didn’t know they even made pants like that anymore,” to thinking about pantiliners or my bra, wondering why people call Alzheimer’s “Al-timers” or “Old-Timers,” feeling lonely—or itchy—or witchy, wondering what a shmoo is, or pondering my faith all in the time it takes to blink.

The good news is that women are known for being great multi-taskers. Grocery lists during intimate moments anyone? Yeah, NEVER at this house either, but you know what I mean.

We also have pretty good filters, preventing us from indulging in TMI, except occasionally in the blog world. A blog can be a great place for a brain dump, now and then, and the sharing of stuff you wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing up in the line at Target. What I like about blogs, however, is not hearing every little thought that goes through someone’s mind, or happens in her day, but knowing what she thinks about it, and what significance it has to her.

For instance, I could tell you that in the above picture, one of my eyes is killing me because I inadvertently left a tiny sliver of Irish Spring under one fingernail after my shower And in the middle of my kids' music concert I touched my eye, thereby lodging said sliver in it. Then, to avoid screaming in pain and disrupting the concert I ran out of the room and began flushing it with water in the bathroom sink. And when I got back I had to sit with my head in my hands for the duration of the concert. And then I looked like a red-eyed freak as I avoided the sweet lady who had called me to help her with the post-concert reception, but whom I never called back because I'm a loser. And the whole time I was extra tired anyway because I'd just started my period....

You get the picture, so I won't go on.

God is the only one who is privy to everything going on in our lives and to our unfiltered thoughts. Fortunately, He’s big enough to handle them.

If you are still awake reading this, I’d like to apologize for the times I veer (and will continue to veer) toward the side of TMI.

Let me just say, tip of the iceberg, baby.

Things that Make Me Go Hmmmm....

Why is it that when you are driving and ready, spork in hand, to eat your Taco Bell Border Bowl, there are only green lights on the horizon? 13 green lights in a row?!

And why, later the same day, when your bladder is about to rupture and you are estimating how many ounces of urine your cloth car upholstery can absorb, it’s nothing but red? Hmmm.