Sunday, October 16, 2011

Rare Bird, Part 2


“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

I am amazed and grateful at how gifts of comfort come at just the right time. While this post may come across as long and convoluted, I hope you’ll hang on for the ride.

First of all, I feel as if the poem I posted on Friday was divinely inspired. While my friend’s son and Jack hadn’t played together since preschool, and she and I had only seen each other a handful of times in recent years, she chose a bird as her primary image to beautifully convey Jack in the poem. It could not have been a more perfect gift to us. We treasure it.

I had already written the “Rare Bird” post but was unable to publish it Thursday night because the electricity went out, shutting down my computer. As you know, Jack died on a Thursday evening during a terrible storm, and the lack of electricity was a big factor in his death.

So here I was on another shitty Thursday, shortly after 6 pm (the exact time Jack disappeared), alone in my dark house, a crazy storm raging outside my window. I asked God, “Seriously????” but was filled with a sense of calm, knowing that many, many people were praying for me at that instant. Instead of replaying the horror of that night in my mind, as would be my nature, I was able to sit calmly for hours until Tom and Margaret got home. One of the reasons I could be so calm was a little bird.

As had happened in another part of the house one week before, I heard a bird singing, so loudly and beautifully that it seemed to be inside the house. The first time it happened, I was in the family room. It was sunny and calm outside, so I didn’t think much of it except, to note, “That is one LOUD bird.”

But how a bird could sing during such a storm was beyond me. I just cherished it as I sat on the living room couch in the dark, a little smile on my face, knowing that when the electricity came on I already had a post ready to share with you about my boy entitled, “Rare Bird.” I loved that.

What could have been a horrible night was the opposite, because of many prayers and the visit of a little songbird. Margaret and Tim eventually came home and the three of us tucked ourselves into our queen-sized bed, the electricity still out. We were able to laugh and talk before falling asleep, which was far different from the moaning sobs that stormy night 5 weeks ago.

The next morning I told them about the bird and as I did, the loud singing began again. We looked around and found a cute brown songbird sitting contentedly in a flowerpot on our screened porch. He must have gotten trapped inside and ridden out the storm there. We let him out, and I smiled again. Bird.

What I hadn’t told you yet was that a different friend, whom I have not seen in 20 years and who, therefore, had never met Jack, had been lifting us up via loving emails each day. Several of her emails over these past few weeks, in addition to prayers and hugs, mentioned sending a little blue jay my way. Well, umm, okay. Not sure what that meant. And I’ve never really liked blue jays, but I decided I’d take all the love I could get.

It wasn’t until she read Friday’s blog post, that this friend let me know what she meant in those previous emails. She had seen a particular bird often since the accident, and each time she saw it was filled with a sense that my Jack was MORE THAN OKAY. When she would look at the blue jay, the words, “Rare Bird” came to her, again and again, which she found odd, because blue jays are not rare. After reading the poem on Friday, and seeing the title, "Rare Bird," she immediately KNEW that the “rare bird” she had been thinking of was not a bird, but was Jack.

She was able to pass along to me many comforting assurances about Jack, and because of the beautiful poem, and the bird that had sung to me Thursday night, I was able to hear her and be comforted. Wow.

Well, there’s more:

So yesterday, while we were getting ready to go to go to a school picnic, something we dreaded because Jack wouldn’t be there with his friends, my cell phone started playing music. I say cell phone, because even though it’s an iPhone, I am not a music-girl, and I didn’t even know it had music on it. Turns out, Tim loaded some songs when I first got the phone, but I had no idea.

The song playing, “The Solace of You,” was one of our favorites when were dating many years ago in our Mix-tape days. Tim and I were able to smile, hug, take solace, get in the car, and do something hard.

The music would not have touched me if all of these other things hadn’t happened to help me be open to the idea of COMFORT coming to us through varied ways. I would have just thought-- “Wow, my cell phone is jacked up!”

So, I realize I’ve been being eased into accepting this comfort, from the Bible verse showing up on my phone that first terrible night, friends telling me they sensed Jack was reunited with my mother in heaven, and the prescient Bible verse Margaret found last summer. It goes on and on.

Just as God has used numbness and shock to NOT let me feel the weight of this grief all at once, he seems to be giving comfort in just the right doses, lots and lots of doses, to bring me solace.

So later last night, when I heard music playing on my phone inside my purse, I wasn’t all that surprised. It was another song from our dating years. When I asked Tim what it was called, he said:

“’Song Bird’ by Fleetwood Mac.”

Of course it was.

Thanks, God! Thanks, Jack!

88 comments:

Sue@Uniquely Chic said...

Wow...this put a smile on my face. I so believe in signs from those that have sadly left me too soon. It really brings comfort and peace. No doubt your Jack is looking after all of you and letting you know he is still with you. Peace to you , Anna.

Christen said...

I believe in signs as well... thanks so much for sharing this

Michelle DeRusha said...

I've been praying and praying that God continues to show His presence to you in as many ways possible. So very thankful that these prayers are being answered, Anna...and I will continue to pray for Him to wrap you in His loving embrace...and to send you more birds!!

Maggie S. said...

This post is profound to me. I am glad you have such tangible and intangible support.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Okay - so maybe I'm starting to believe in magic a little. I used to...but lost that in recent years. I'm now echoing your thanks.

And from the beginning I've pictured Jack with your mom. Whenever I worry about you and your grief, I find comfort in the image of them together.

Leah C said...

I'm in awe...and so very grateful for all those signs of comfort you're receiving. Hugs & prayers...

The Carens Clan said...

God is so amazing! Being open to see the signs He sets before us is such a gift. I had goosebumps reading this. Just from reading your blog it is easy to see that Jack loved you so much and knew that you loved him so much, so I bet he is up there helping Jesus send you those signs to make sure that you are doing okay down here until you will be reunited again.
Still praying for you.....
Mandy

Meredith Self said...

And all that comfort is pouring now through you out to all those also mourning. What a gift.

I just love the singing bird. When seeing signs in animals, you always look at the behavior of the animal for the meaning. A song bird singing is always a sign that all is well. Psychologists use those sounds to help with trauma for that reason. I love it!

And your cell phone again. Beautiful. I pray you get every comfort you need in every way you need it in perfect timing.

Love you.

Clare said...

I too believe in signs. All of these signs are just perfect. Still thinking about you every day!

Meredith said...

I am continually amazed at the loving care God has been showing you and your family. The tender and gentle way He has been leading you has been so beautiful to read about. Beauty for ashes comes to mind. I can't imagine how hard it is to write these words but I feel honored to be able to read them and pray for you and your family.
Seeing how God is loving on you in this horrible time has increased my faith.
I know your sweet Jack is blessed beyond imagination right now..I pray that your family will be blessed as well..until you all meet again.

Debbie said...

It's my favorite thing EVER when God decides to get even more Personal than usual to bring us the comfort we need. In my case, it was "Miracle Whip", lettered as the only thing on a convenience store marquee in a town I'd never visited- a personal joke between my late mother and myself. I love that you're seeing a miracle, too.

Beth Darrow Condon said...

Your faith is amazing. And Jack was one adorable baby! I love reading about your family and this journey you are on. So glad you are able to open your heart to those signs from God. How are Tim and Margaret doing?
Peace,
Beth

The Empress said...

Nothing is a coincidence when you believe what God has promised in the bible.

This makes me think, the more we know Him, the more we see His hand in our daily lives.

Much love to you.

Anonymous said...

In some cultures, it is thought that the human soul takes the form of a bird after death. I believe you had quiet alone time with Jack that night and that as a family you freed him the following morning, the bird guiding his soul. He brought you comfort and even laughter - what a gift.

Soon after my father passed years ago, a bird had somehow gotten into our house. It flew into our large front window and then fell backwards, presumedly dead, on a sheet that happened to be lying by the window. I was distraught and just covered it up and waited for my mom to return home. My mom carried the covered bird outside and as she opened the sheet, the bird miraculously took flight, soaring into the sky. I believe it was my father's soul.

Your rare bird comforted you and you helped release him. What a blessing. Thank you for sharing.

And how ironic that so many are 'tweeting' in order to help your daughter.

Kristin said...

What a wonderful post, Anna. I also find it extremely coincidental that you chose the icon for your blog to be a bird. Beautiful. Still praying and thinking about you and your family every day.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

God is so good and I love the signs you have been given. I live each day with signs from God and remember so many when my mother passed away. This is a beautiful post and in the deep sadness of your loss a little birdie is sending you very strong message.
((HUGS))

NanaDiana said...

I so believe in signs like you have experienced. I do believe it is a fine line between Heaven and Earth and, although we aren't meant to know exactly what is there, we get these little glimpses sometimes...just a bit of comfort from that far shore.

I lost my father many years ago when I was just a young girl and have always felt connected to him on some plane that I have never really fully understood...but I believe it is there~Just as I believe your Jack is not so far away after all. xo Diana

Headless Mom said...

So awesome. Jack's looking out for you, God's comforting you. I wanna be on your team!

the mama bird diaries said...

This is so beautiful Anna. xo Thinking and praying for you every day.

Anonymous said...

love this line...“Wow, my cell phone is jacked up!”...yes, it sounds like it is! Jack is comforting you in many ways. Lucky you for seeing them all.

Anonymous said...

In our religion, there is a concept used to understand the loss of a child. We believe that a soul is sometimes sent down to fulfill a mission and when that mission is complete, the soul is returned to God..I think Jack was put on this earth for a very special reason.
He is now with God and many more souls, like your mom. I am sure he came down for a little visit with you to try and ease your pain and tell you he is okay.
Still thinking of you in NYC.

Anonymous said...

Dee from Tennessee

"solace".....thank you Lord, thank you. And I know - I know! - beyond any shadow of a doubt that Jack is absolutely reunited with your mother . There's an old hymn that is true for me "I've got more to go to Heaven for than I had yesterday." All in His Timing and thanking Him for the comfort you are receiving and WILL receive in the days and months ahead. Jack will never be forgotten is one thing I know. Love and prayers all wrappped up in a quilt sent your way....

Laura at Ms. Smartie Pants said...

My Pastor once said we have to be willing to be willing, willing to be comforted, to be open, to accept mystery, to hurt, to trust, to believe, all of it, be willing. I think of you all often and am so glad you are being lifted by so many and willing to be open to whatever road this is taking you down. I think I once mentioned to you that my best friends son was taken in a horrible accident. She found the same comfort in a bird, a cardinal, lots of stories like yours. To this day I can't see a cardinal and not think about Nick. This summer I was blessed to have a romance between a male and female cardinal outside of my kitchen window. It was such a blessing!

Kim @ A Brush of Whimsy said...

Your family stays in my heart~
Kim :)

The White Farmhouse said...

I am glad that you are comforted in little signs like this. It does help with the hurt. My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly many years ago. I was devastated. I was also in the army far away from her. My aunt told me that when you find a penny it is an angel sending it down to let you know they are with you. During her funeral, several times that I went up to her casket, there would be a penny. So many times I have just felt like giving up, not knowing what to do or missing her and I find a penny in an odd place. I like to think that she is there holding my hand and sending pennies when I need her. I'm glad that you are finding your "pennies".

Mrs. E said...

He is still bringing joy to you. How I love that!

Marinka said...

These are miracles, aren't they?

Lady Jennie said...

I am so happy you are getting comfort in these very real and tangible ways. That is just so like God to do that.

You know, today I was reading Jesus in the temple at age 12 and I thought of Jack. I don't know why - because he was 12, because he knew the Scriptures and had a special relationship with God. It just seemed significant somehow, like my friend dying at age 33 (leaving a wife and child) - the age that Jesus died.

Kate said...

I LOVE when God provides exactly what we need when we need it. For me, the miracle is not that God provides in this way, but that we are able to notice and take it all in. Thank you, thank you for sharing.

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Anna, I don't know you, and I don't know how I ended up reading your blog. I've read your most recent posts, and they broke my heart. My prayers are with you and your family. laurie

Law Momma said...

I am so glad you can feel his comfort. And we will never stop praying for even more comfort as the days and weeks pass.

Big hugs.

Susan said...

Unbelievable!
I continue to pray for you and your family - you enter my thoughts every day.
Huge hugs to you dear Anna.

Lady Courtney said...

Heavenly comfort...you may not be able to see Jack or the Lord, but they are all around you!! Bless you and your family. Donna :)

Reenie said...

WOW!!!

Stimey said...

Anna, this is amazing. I am glad that comfort is finding its way to you.

Mrs Changstein said...

You may think this is a 'duuuuh' comment...but have you read 'Heaven is for Real?' I too would believe, especially after reading it, that Jack is hangin' with your mother in heaven, having the greatest reunion!

Lindsay said...

wow...this post is wonderful! so thankful that you are sensing God's presence and seeing these sweet signs of comfort. praying for you daily and may the Lord continue to wrap you all tightly in His arms.

Paula said...

So thankful that you are able to see the signs and share through the blog. I wish there was a way to 'like' comments - so many have said lovely things. Bad weather on Thursdays is getting to be a little much...What a miracle to feel literal 'calm through the storm' on Thursday and to be able to receive the gift of so many who were praying for you. Loved these Rare Bird posts, praying for you.

Donna Karlinchak said...

I'm so glad you're getting signs!

Big Momma said...

I am so glad you are open to the signs that Jack and God are putting there for you all. You and you're writings are such a blessing and yes, an inspiration for us all.

God bless you and keep you -- all.

Lisa said...

I also am a firm believer in signs sent from God and those who leave us too soon. I pray for your family often (though I don't know you). I hope you continue to feel God and Jack's presence as they lift you up.

Leslie said...

I wonder why I'm always so shocked at how AMAZING our Creator is! I'm so thankful for Him providing you all with these comforting moments.

I continue to pray that He fulfills His promise to you in Phillipians 4:7, giving you three a peace that passes all understanding.

My husband, a PC guy, hates mac products, and therefore, can't stand our iPhones. I'm very excited to report that iPhones are God's preferred cell phone. He sure uses yours a lot.

:) Praying, really.

irv family said...

I find it so fitting that your Inch of Gray has always had a songbird perched on top. He is with you....and he is proud!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that the doses of comfort are coming when you need them. It's comforting to me to read that you are having times of respite. "Song Bird," which I love, will take on new meaning for me now, knowing this.

love,
jbhat

kitty said...

With tears and laughter I read your post.I am so glad to hear you are still close to your faith as you and your family continue to heal.God will never leave you.And we will continue to pray for you and your family.

molly said...

So beautiful. How you can manage to make me both laugh and cry in all your posts is just beyond me. And I have a strong feeling that Jack was a rare bird because his mama was too :)

vegan eden said...

tweet tweet

Anonymous said...

Anna, How is it that YOU keep comforting US? I love you so and wish things were not as they are but I'm so glad that God is showing himself to you in tangible ways. Still praying you off to sleep every morning as soon as I wake up and in the wee small hours of your night. Amy

anymommy said...

Your heart is astonishing. Much, much love.

Kyle said...

My dad passed away in January and soon after, two birds showed up. One of them kept flying into the patio door as if he wanted to be let in but both would always hang around my mom's plants on the patio.

I always felt somehow that that was my dad and someone else - it could have been an old girlfriend of his (would be just like him to find one), our dog who we grew up with, a family member, etc. The birds still come visit and it always makes my heart feel a little better when I see them.

I wish you all the best.

Jo said...

Thank You, God, for loving Anna and her family so much, and for spreading that love outwards and letting us know of it. Help us to help Anna, please.

Jeanie said...

God's little touches to help in your grief. So very glad it's working.

Anonymous said...

Love this post! Find those moments of peace in the grief.

Kim said...

I have loved your little blue bird perched atop your blog title ever since I first visited. Who knew that little blue birds would be one of God's gifts to you?

L said...

OH, how I love you! Thank you for sharing this comfort with me, so I can be comforted, too.

Misty - A Crooked Kind of Perfect said...

Anna - This is my first time posting to you. Myself and my 17 year old daughter have been reading your blog since Anymommy posted your story on her blog. I have also written to Ellen, I have also prayed for you.. with you. I have also wept with you and I have also smiled over the goosebumps of all the latest happenings. I am so glad that you found solace. I'm glad that you feel the prayers, the love. I'm glad that you feel Jack. Yesterday, as I was driving home, there was a little brown bird sitting in the road. I slowed down to give him time to flitter away; he didn't. He hopped to the side but never flew. I came to a complete stop (we live on a no-traffic country road in a small South Carolina town) and my daughter rolled down her window to see if the bird had been hit. He had not but she noticed that he had a white spot on his tail. Just a patch of white feathers. She said "What a rare looking bird.. wait.. a rare bird.. fly away little Jack." And off he took. We looked at each, smiled and needed no other words. I almost posted this to you last night and decided not to for fear of upsetting you or hurting you or any of the other awful things I don't want you to ever feel again. Now, reading this, I had to. Just know that your sweet Jack, your story.. it touches so many more people than you know. My family prays for your family. My family aches for your family. My family recognizes small rare birds.. for your family.

Meredith from A Mother Seeking said...

I have been reading your blog (secretly) for quite a while. But this is my first comment.

Your writing, your story, your process is all so inspiring!

I felt compelled to comment this time because I too have experienced the power of a sign recently, mine from my father who passed away in April.

Coincidentally (?) my sign is bird-related as well, a feather. I wanted to share this/my story with you.

Sending you love and peace.
~ Meredith From A Mother Seeking Come find me on my blog, A Mother Seeking...

~ The Feather Story A Real Life Fairy Tale

PeachPrenni said...

I love the Rare Bird and I believe in it...I so do! When my friend lost his young mother who loved red Cardinals; they started popping up everywhere. And I mean everywhere. And during the last real conversation I had with my father before cancer took him down; I shared with him how much I love the sound of a train in the distance. And do you know I have heard a train in the distance almost every night since he passed. Even though there are no tracks around I can't imagine where it's coming from; I hear it loud and clear. I'm usually in my bed late at night when I hear the distant horn and I say aloud, "Hi Daddy."

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

i think all the signs are amazing, and i think they are an example of the powerful bond you and jack have- a connection that can never be lost.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful, perfect little boy (even if he wasn't necessarily always "perfect" on Earth :)) I'm more than a little annoyed at God for thinking it was time to snatch up this little angel.

Stephanie Bollini said...

wow..from birds to sunsets to storms..jack is letting you know he is with you and he is okay. what a gift from him.

Anonymous said...

During my grandmother's funeral Mass many years ago a little bird flew into the church and circled the sanctuary singing for all it was worth and then just as quickly left the church. I still makes me smile! :)

hcsd said...

Thank you for sharing your loving stories about Jack and your family. I've never written a comment, but felt compelled to do so today. I'm not sure if you've ever heard Eva Cassidy's version of "Songbird", but I wanted to share it. It is beautiful. I was actually listening to it before I read your recent post and got goosebumps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFFo1pu4q7Q

Praying for you and your family...and more birds!

Anonymous said...

Anna,
You are an amazing mother.
So many times we question ourselves, and our decisions as mothers. You have let the lord lead you on his path and followed and listened with an open and willing heart. I have felt your broken heart and have prayed for you on many occasions. I am drawn to your blog because you are so enlightened. You have helped me be more patient with my children and not take small conversations with them for granted and listen harder for a meaning to it all.
You are graceful and smart.
The time you and Jack had together was not squandered but deeply appreciated. I love your story about being early to camp, but that it ended up being your perfect alone time together.
I pray you continue to feel comfort and signs of peace.
- With Love and prayers!

Anonymous said...

I had wondered, after this terrible accident, if you would keep posting. I thought you would have to be awfully powerful to do so. That it would take someone who was brave enough to be vulnerable in front of many people, some of whom she did not even know. And let's make no mistake -- "bravery" is the right word. Closing up, shutting down, falling into stoic or resentful silence -- these are all understandable reactions but they are not the brave ones. And then, when you kept posting, I prayed earnestly that people would support you in this. And look at all this support! All because of me! (kidding) You're a beautiful bird (in the British sense). Erica

mrs b said...

Anna,
You are an amazing woman, and I am glad that your gifts of writing and seeing the world with open eyes is helping you through this incredibly tough time.

I am also someone who looks for signs and acknowledges their meaning, so I love that this is helping you find comfort. I have only been reading you for a few months, and don't remember, but was the bird always part of your header, or is that something recently added? As I noticed him today, it made me feel as though Jack is watching over you, guiding your writing process.

♥ H ♥ said...

I came to your blog from The Pittman Show and I just got all caught up. WOW! Is all I can say. I will be lifting you and your family up in my prayers! This post was really touching. God is with you always!

ALI said...

I've always believed God is always there to hold us up when we cannot stand ourselves. You are providing samples of His Grace.

"Footprints"

Meredith Self said...

It looks like Jack is signing Mommy, in this pic. Gorgeous photo.

Ann Imig said...

I'm so glad you're taking all these moments in--these little gifts.

Just so beautiful, all of it.

Lisa Ard said...

When I read the post about your little bird, I could only think of this song. I don't know why God took your precious Jack, but his eye is still on you.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

"Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

Lady Jennie said...

Anna, it just occurred to me - did you always have the bird at the end of your posts?

Anonymous said...

My mother lived with ALS for just one year, but prior to that year and the summer before she died there was a red-winged blackbird who used to visit an upper deck of our lake house every day. She loved, loved that bird. He was quite sassy, just like her. The very next spring, on the day she was passing from this earth, that durn blackbird tried over (and over and over) again to get in our house. He knocked on every window and his persistence meant something. Later that night, before mom passed, the Hospice nurse arrived and asked if we had many "bird visitors" that day. I chill ran up my spine and I told her the story. She nodded the wise nod of someone who had cared so sweetly for so many patients and their families and said, "Native Americans believe your soul goes to heaven on a bird's wings"...

I am heartbroken at your loss and uplifted by your strength. And, at a time you needed comfort, a bird was there. God gives us signs. I can imagine Jack sending that bird to you. Peace to you and your beautiful family.

How fitting I will now go "Tweet" for Margaret ...

Deidre said...

Goosebumps. I am so glad for the moments of comfort and connection that you have received from God and from Jack. Thank you for sharing them with us. Just beautiful!

Anonymous said...

You are simply amazing! I love reading your writings. You give me strength. I have prayed for you everyday since you lost Jack and will continue to do so.

Kimberly said...

I'm not sure what is more incredible- that Jack and the Lord are showering you with love and blessings during this hard time, or that you are so receptive and open as to recognize the goodness of God around you. Too many people would mistake these obvious gifts as coincidence. I've been praying for you and I'm glad to see you are having some good moments in spite of the pain.

Cynthia said...

Anna! So perfectly put. Amazing! Sweet Jack comforts you now. Love that boy.

Cynthia said...

By the way is he signing "bird" in that picture?

Anonymous said...

Anna, I am so glad to see the Lord reaching out to you in ways that are especially meaningful to you. I have often been encouraged by birds appearing and staying near me during times of difficulty or sadness; it is like a smile from the Holy Spirit. May the Lord continue to show you His love in tangible ways.

We pray for and think of you often, and we send our love.

Emily R

Anonymous said...

Sending you love from Melbourne Australia.

Jane
xoxo

Anonymous said...

Thank you Anna. You are truly an amazing person. Thank you for helping me to believe. You don't know me but you and your lovely family are in my thoughts all the time.

SouthLakesMom said...

Anna, our family is convinced that birds are God's messengers to tell us, "it's okay..." They've appeared too many times in too many odd(?) circumstances to not be. Every time it rains I've lifted you and your family in prayer. Last Thursday night, we were in Vienna trying to wait out the storm for my son's football game (cancelled). Because we were in Vienna, and it was raining, you were SO SO on my heart. So I prayed. Now I praise God for the rain (even after brief blue skies today) because it reminds me to lift you, and Tim and Margaret.

Precious bird, indeed

Don't forget Isaiah 40:31

Charlotte said...

Oh, I just love this. I'm a huge believer in signs from beyond and I'm glad you are taking them all in as well :) That's beautiful.

Michelle said...

I just came across your blog yesterday due to the FaceBook post that is going around to try to get your sweet girl to the Ellen show to meet Justin Beiber.

I grew up in Vienna and use to play around the Wolf Trap creek so I was immediately drawn to your story.

When I first heard about the tragedy I was sad and prayed for you and the family, but it wasn't until yesterday, after reading through your blog that I felt that deep connection that you feel when you meet a sister in Christ who thinks the same way you do.

Of course, you don't know me, but over the past 24 hours I have been thinking about what you must be going through. That deep anguish where your stomach and soul wrench so tight that you realize you might actually be strengthening your abs. I have prayed for you today as I go about my routine of picking up my 4 year old boy from preschool, and as I helped my 5 year old daughter get ready for kindergarten. I keep thinking about how those mundane things are aching your soul right now.

SO I am praying for you, for joy, for continued peace, and healing.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:17-19

Amanda J said...

I've been a silent reader of your post for a few weeks now....and this post gave me goose bumps! I have been thinking of your family and saying prayers for peace and comfort daily. Yesterday I was standing at my window looking out over my usually quiet backyard saying some prayers of thanks, 2 very large Blue Jays came for a drink and swim at my almost always uninhabited bird bath. At the time I thought it was sto strange, I don't usually have many bird visitors tahnks to my friendly dog...but there they were! And two of them! I hope God continues to bring you signs of comfort, peace, and love!

Jen said...

What a beautiful reminder that God truly does know and love each of His children. I know He feels your pain and will carry you through this most difficult of trials.

Hearing your stories about all the lovely bird imagery made me think of the words to one of my favorite songs, based on Luke 12:27. I know this makes for a long comment, but I hope you don't mind me sharing them with you:

"Consider the lilies of the field,
How they grow, how they grow.
Consider the birds in the sky,
How they fly, how they fly.

He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sheep of His fold,
How they follow where He leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed.

He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.

Consider the sweet, tender children
Who must suffer on this earth.
The pains of all of them He carried
From the day of His birth.

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold.

He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh8Hp1fzFek

Continued love and prayers for you and your sweet family.

Anonymous said...

Ana,

It doesn't come as a surprise that you are getting these comforting signs from both Jack and God as I am certain that both of them are by your side. What I find remarkable and amazing is that you are not missing them! Even as you grief this epic loss, you have maintained your connection to Jack and God. I know it should go without saying - please stay connected...
Thank you for sharing this part of the journey.

Heidi said...

This is beautiful. Just so beautiful.