Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Roll It


I was trying to explain to my sister how everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in our lives has changed since that terrible night. Our hopes, our plans, our dreams for the future, our home, the rhythm of our days.

“Even the way I wipe my (rear) has changed!” I blurted out.

Say what?

Well, when your world is turned upside down in an instant, chances are you are not capable of running out to the store for essentials like TP. Instead, your amazing, wonderful, supportive friends will buy it for you. And if their love and support for you is measured in rolls, let’s just say that they love you a lot. We’re talking Jumbo-Pack Love.

And chances are pretty high that these amazing, wonderful, supportive friends will buy you the GOOD stuff, not the cheapo flimsy ply you’ve been purchasing for your family for, well, about a million years.

And while you are exceedingly grateful for the generosity and thoughtfulness of your friends, you’ll note during several, uh, private times during the day-- as if a moment really could go by without your realizing it-- that EVERYTHING indeed has changed. Even the way you wipe your, um, rear.

I’m guessing this will be one of the easiest changes to get used to.

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Anna,
You make me laugh so much and cry so much.
I will write more one day, when I figure out how to say all of the things I want to say to you. Including how I think of you all (especially Margaret) in my prayers every night - I too suddenly lost a brother, a couple of years ago.
Love, Zoe
oxoxoxoOOOOO

Erin said...

I love your sense of humor. Keep laughing through the tears!!
xo, Erin.

Maggie May said...

I guess it will be one of the easiest, but painful none the less. I am praying for you and looking over the pictures of your boy Jack. The one of him in the bathtub as a baby in particular....my youngest is a 10 month old so probably it's the recognition of our lack of control over the most profound realities- life and death- even for those small and beautiful beings, our babies. Our children are always our babies, in some ways. Your posts are beautifully written and so straightforwardly told that they take my breath away. The recounting of details of your grief is incredibly difficult to read and yet I am moved...it's hard to explain, but somehow the fact that you continue to sit and document what is happening in your family is a kind of strength, one I admire.

For Jack,

maggie may

JennyExplainsItAll.blogspot.com said...

Darndest thing about toilet paper: you switch to the good stuff and appreciate it EVERY TIME you use it; and then you realize that your budget never even flinched. Why didn't I ever think my other end was worth a few dimes more? I'll never go back to the "crappy" toilet paper. (I'm thinking of you daily--and not just in the bathroom.)

Lady Jennie said...

Anna dear, if only everything else could be so cushy.

Sending you love :-)

Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

In this way now, Margaret is spoiled for life. Le poop.

luv2run said...

Great sense of humor!!!! I hope today you find a tad bit of peace to collect to the pile!!!!!

PRAYING!!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!

luv2run

Lisa G. said...

Too funny! : -)

Praying always, (and now good toilet paper will remind me of you!)

Anonymous said...

Several years ago I came to better understand grief...unfortunately. And now I never use the word lightly.. Grief is such a heavy word and a complex and personal experience....different to everyone. I hope you don't find this disrespectful but we would have stuck this (the toilet paper phenomenon) in the "good grief, Charlie Brown!" category. It's pretty hard to find a good use for that little oxymoron,huh? But this might come close. Prayers, lots and lots for all 4 of you.

Rach said...

LOL!

It's all about finding the small bits of humor. :o)

My prayers for you all continue.
Hugs!

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

that is hilarious! as the others said, yes, keep the laughter coming through it all. and so glad you have friends who have your back(side)!

Theresa O said...

Love to read what you write each day- whether I cry with you, or laugh with you. Your writing is amazing.

Thought of Jack yesterday when the large lego man was found off of Siesta Key in Florida....with his love of legos, it just seemed like it was a way of saying "I'm still with you everyone, and look at these legos they have in heaven!"


Each morning I wake up, and now read the note I have posted on all our bathroom mirrors.... "Nothing is impossible with God". I feel this inner peace each time I do. Thanks Jack :)

And thanks to you, his beautiful mom, for sharing all your sweet, loving words, along with all your fears and sadness....we all pray for you, think of you, and wish nothing but a little smile, a little peace, a litte comfort, each passing day. Even if it's just the tiniest bit, our prayers are working.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Just found your blog, and I read all the way back to the "First day of school" post. I'm now sitting here in the teachers' lounge with tears running down my face, and I have to pull myself together and teach a class in 2 minutes.

My heart goes out to you and your beautiful family.

Pip said...

Love it Anna! Such thoughtful dear friends - a little extra comfort (?!). I have some friends in tricky times right now and this is could be something just right for them :) I'm off to the store...
With love xxx

Anonymous said...

My butt.

helenasc said...

Both your sad and funny posts inspire me to seek more joy in the little things and treasure each moment more than the day before. I also wanted you to know that each year our family packs 10-15 Operation Christmas Child boxes, and this year this will be even more meaningful as we remember Jack's sweet heart and his desire to be sent out as a missionary. He WILL be!

Reenie said...

xo

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I've been following your blog and praying for you each day. My son is also 12 and shares similar interests - Legos, Inheritance, math, etc. For his Confirmation class he had to choose a favorite scripture. I had told him about Jack's favorite scripture. When he came home from his youth retreat, he had painted a tile with his favorite scripture. "Nothing is impossible with God" is now proudly displayed in his room. I just thought you should know that Jack has touched a 12 year old all the way in Texas.

Jill said...

Love it. You deserve the fanciest of tps.

Leah C said...

They say "laughter is the best medicine"...dear Anna, we laugh with you, we cry with you, we pray for you & your sweet family. And most of us can't even begin to tell you how you & your Jack have changed our lives. Hugs and prayers...

Anonymous said...

lOVE LOVE LOVE your humor Anna...It'll be the biggest blessing and will get you thru. My prayers continue for your continued courage and strength and keep writing.... your blog is a must read each and every day.
Love you xoxox Patty

Anonymous said...

Brand, please. : )

To the anon who commented "My butt": good one.

To Anna: I'm so glad that at least one of the everythings that has changed involved an upgrade.

love,
jbhat

Susan said...

Anna,I was at my MOPS meeting on Tuesday and we had a wonderful speaker who talked about a very hard time in her life. She said so much that made me think of you and Jack the whole time. She said that we do not have the right to ask God "why", because it is his will alone. Just the same as we cannot ask "why are there mosquitos"!! I kid you not! She also said not to avoid the person going through the struggle, but to reach out to them more and be whatever they need. (like tp deliverer)

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You're too funny Anna. I'm glad others are making you "treat yourself" a little.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

When I visit a blog I seldom read the others comments. I do my comment and move on but when I come here I am drawn to them. I can see how something so simple as a comment from someone can help you through your grieving process. I often wonder, when I see so much inspiration in blogs, how those before the blog world came about would have benefited from a blog connection with others. You are in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))

Stefanie said...

Anna, you're hilarious -- nice to know you can somehow ferret out the funny in such a distinctly not-funny situation. I think that's critical to your mental health.

I've been meaning to mention the book "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion -- not sure if you've read it, and I know her situation is different in that she talks about the sudden loss of her husband, but I found it amazingly accurate regarding how our brains work when we lose someone suddenly. If you're a book person -- and I sense you are -- you might find this a comforting read.

Keep writing; I love to read you. Take care --
Stefanie

OSMA said...

This has nothing to do with toilet paper but I have to share anyway....This afternoon I was doing a photoshoot in the rain (long story) and my friend and I ducked under a tree to keep the camera dry. There we heard a little bird singing his little bird butt off. My friend (who has a very lovely Sofia Vergara like accent and who also does not know about you to my knowledge) says under her breath, "Fly away little Jack, you can fly away now." I don't know if that is a cultural thing or if I misunderstood her accent but it took my breath away and I just sat there stunned and confused without asking her. I'm totally asking her tomorrow because....whoa. Obviously we all have you in our hearts and on our minds more than ever. xoxo

Ingrid said...

I am so sorry for you pain and so happy that you have such great friends.

vegan eden said...

There was a perfect rainbow in the sky here yesterday. I immediately thought of Jack.

mgh said...

Still thinking of you every day, in many little ways. When I notice the trinkets in backpacks and favorite foods... and especially the beautiful fall trees.
I've never been so inspired to be grateful in such detail.

I was thinking of you this morning... and how absolutely amazing YOU were in my life the year we met. I was dealing with a different kind of empty seat syndrome... my father and my brother (just one year and 1 week younger) having moved to Alabama. I've been advance praying for your Halloween. I was thinking about how you helped me keep some normalcy at holidays when I was faced with acknowledging that life as I knew it had changed.
I hope that you have a great Halloween.... in old and new ways.

Surely you are tempted to use some of that extra toilet paper to TP Money and King?!

Jenelle said...

Hi Anna,
Is there a way I can contact you privately? You can email me at theeverydayartist at yahoo dot com.
Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Another rainy Thursday followed by a magnificent sky... Hasn't gone unnoticed. :)

Maggie S. said...

I didn't think of that changing. Thanks for giving a fresh um...er...perspective.

Terri said...

Jack is smiling down on you, Anna, I can just feel it. It is SO hard to pick yourself up and go on after such a horrible, painful, life altering tragedy, and I know some who have allowed the pain to draw them inward in such a way that the remaining children are negatively affected. And that is an even greater tragedy. God bless you, my friend. You are such an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

Thought of Jack during the rain and the sun today.
Thought of you while I was on the john!

Ann Imig said...

Let's hear it for the the little things! The little and LESS LINTY things.

NanaDiana said...

It helps to laugh a bit through the pain, doesn't it? You are in my prayers...now I guess I will be praying for you to get some cheap toilet paper in your life again! xo Diana

Julia said...

A day doesn't go by that I don't think of you. I wish I was near by to sit with you...or bring you expensive toilet paper. Anything to put a smile on your face.

Jack has impacted more people in his very wide but very short life. Don't ever doubt it.

Love.

Pretty Little Things for Home & Life said...

Having just come back from a blog-hiatus, I was shocked to read your news.

My heartfelt wishes to you and your family. I can not even imagine what you all must be going through right now. My thoughts are with you as you and your family work on finding some peace and comfort in your memories of Jack.

PeachPrenni said...

I would imagine that everything changes..even that. It will take time to build a new normal but you will build it. I'm praying for you guys and I think about you every day.
Annie

The Empress said...

Just the little pleasures, right?

Just reminders here and there of how much people love you, and WANT to be there for you, and want to somehow make things a little bit better right now.

xo

A Speckled Trout said...

My neighbor has MS. Sometimes when I go visit her, I fold her clothes. I am very familiar with her husband's underwear. It makes me feel like I've made their life a tiny fraction easier.

Your friends probably stood at Target and picked out nicer toilet paper for you than they do for themselves, just to make something better in your life. Lovely, unexpected gestures are the band-aids that get us thru. I bet they have experienced that same loveliness from you a time or two.

Stimey said...

There are all kinds of ways to feel love, I suppose. :)

Mrs4444 said...

That you can laugh is such a blessing right now. I know that Jack is laughing with you, too! :)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Aimee said...

Hi Anna, you don't know me. I'm just a single mom of a 4 yr old girl and 2 yr old b/g twins who lives in the town of Vienna. Ever since I've heard about Jack's traffic accident, I can't stop thinking about how hard it must be for you and your family. :( I drive to work and back on Lawyers road, and your beloved Jack comes to my mind. What a very handsome sweet boy Jack was, he'll always be remember and never forgotten. I hope sweet Margaret's dream comes true!!!! Anyway... may love, peace and happiness be with you always!!!!! - Aimee

Heidi said...

You are awesome. Oh, the little things...

Fueled by coffee and Coke Zero....... said...

Dearest Anna -- You have all been in our prayers since we heard the terrible news about Jack. I've wanted to share this with you and I will here: A few months ago, the kids and I were doing Latin -- M12 is ahead of the twins doing Latin but she sits and listens. The twins were conjugating 'amo, amas, amat, etc). When they said 'amamus' Madison started laughing so hard she couldn't even talk. When she finally stopped, we were all sitting and waiting for the explanation. Madison said: 'In third grade, when we were learning amo, amas, amat, the 2nd person plural is AMAMUS. We were going around the room with each of us saying one of the words, and Jack Donaldson had to say amamus. He jumps up and says: I'M A MOOSE. We all couldn't stop laughing it was so funny.' We all started laughing, and ever since then which was probably last winter, whenever we are doing Latin verbs (which is not as often as it should be - but we try to get to them), all three kids jump up and say 'I'm a moose,' they laugh and we would wonder aloud what Jack and MArgaret were up to. These days, you are all in our prayers every single day, and we still 'honor' and remember Jack in that wonderfully silly way. Hugs and prayers -- Mariann Alicea (majr0328@aol.com)

Meredith Self said...

My butt.

xoxo

This story reaches into the depths of how the littlest things in life really touch everything. There's a zen saying, if you can't see God in the toilet, then haven't seen God yet.

Big hug.

K A B L O O E Y said...

I was just going to write a joke about "small favors," but then read Fueled by Coffee and Coke Zero's comment and am tearing up and smiling once again. What a great story.

gillian said...

i'm pretty sure jack would be gleefully grossed out that you are talking about your butt :)

i don't think there is anything i can say that hasn't been said - i'm another stranger that thinks about you and your family every day. i hope all this 'don't know what to say' somehow is translating into something you can feel.

love from the midwest