Monday, October 10, 2011

The View from the Backseat

When we got a new car a year and a half ago, we specified Captain's Seats. After 8+ years of being crammed next to each other on a 2-person bench seat in the minivan, Jack and Margaret could use some personal space, we figured.

What we noticed, though, was that Margaret kept sticking a foot across the way, or reaching out to poke Jack. She would do anything to get all up in his business, including leaning way out over the aisle to try to put her head on his shoulder. In short, she missed him.

How much more must she be miss him now that he's not in the back seat with her at all.

Even though I wanted him to grow- grow- grow, I guess the fact that he never got big enough to move to the front gave Margaret a little more time with him.

I'm including our last video clip of them-- a blurry little snippet, just a few seconds long, because it seems to capture a little of their relationship. Margaret is bored on our beach trip evacuation, so she's holding up the camera, pretending to look at pictures, but secretly filming Jack as he is engrossed in a game.

He throws out his summer's favorite phrase and answer to anything: "my butt." She uses a funny voice to try to engage him, but he's not biting. Finally, he throws her a bone. He says something to crack her up and then flashes his million dollar (okay, $5,000) smile.





video

It's the little things, and the big things that make this so darn hard.

63 comments:

Kristin Schatmeyer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but i have come to know, love, and pray for you and your amazing family. Especially Margaret, which is why I nominated her here:
http://ellen.warnerbros.com/show/respond/?PlugID=433

Kristin Schatmeyer said...

You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope sweet Margaret gets her concert...I have sent a note to the Ellen show. She deserves the world at her feet right about now.

JJ said...

What a treasure. The laughter and smiles will live on forever.

Anonymous said...

What a great bit of insight into the bond of Jack and Margaret.
Hearing Margaret giggle and Jack flash that amazing smile made me smile.
I keep praying for all of you. Since I read your story there is not one day that goes by that I do not think of you and your family. My heart aches for all of you.
Please keep writing and thank you for sharing with us all.
XOXO from the Midwest

Clare said...

Such a sweet video. Such a perfect way to remember the way they were together.

Still thinking about all of you every day.

Christy said...

Oh Anna, that made me cry. I can just imagine how impossibly hard it is for you to watch his videos. It's just so damn unfair. Remembering it every so often through my day makes me suck in my breath and causes Fi to ask me what's wrong Momma. Through my tears I just tell her nothing and keep on keeping on. And I never even met him. But you, I think of you all the time. I miss you and pray for you and hope you're finding a little bit of peace, somehow. Thank god for Margaret. Love to you all. xoxo

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

So beautiful Anna. I, too, nominated Margaret at Ellen....

Lou Cinda

Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

It is the little things that keep you going, too.

"My butt." Hm, trying to honor Jack in little ways until I meet him one day, I wonder how my students would react to "my butt" when they say something preposterous or annoying to me...

Jo said...

You're in my thoughts every day. My heart hurts for you, and I wish that there were words of comfort that I could offer, but I know better. Your courage and your love for your beautiful son are an inspiration to so many of us.

Anonymous said...

speechless after seeing margaret and jack interact in such a loving fun way. no one can take these moments from you. smile and he'll smile with you. xo Patty

Erin said...

That video is priceless...love the laughter at the end.

Continuing to hold your family up in my prayers.

erin

Meredith Self said...

That's such precious video! Love the squeals and smile! Holding so much love for you as you journey these memories. xo

Varda said...

There you go, making me cry again. I'm sure there a re a million little things that cause your heart to come up into your throat these days.

Even though Ethan claims to hate his autistic twin brother as lot lately, calling him "the most annoying brother on earth," when they were separated for a week at different camps this summer he admitted to missing him.

I can only imagine the missing that Margaret is going through right now. Hugs to you all.

Loukia said...

Your son is so, so, so handsome.

Anonymous said...

For the first Anonymous...I DID THE SAME THING!! I wrote Ellen and told her about this blog!!
Maybe Margaret's list will have one Justin Bieber concert crossed off soon???

Elisa @ What the Vita said...

I think that's a billion dollar smile, Anna. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

I've been praying more in the last month than I have in the entire past year.

I pray for Tim, the quiet man behind the scenes. I pray that your (and Margaret's) words, humor, love and faith are soothing his pain.

I pray for Margaret, that sweet, sweet girl. I know that her God-given gift of bringing so much abundant, sunshiny energy to this world will help carry your family through this.

I pray for you, Anna. For peace in your heart, your mind, your soul. That every ache is trumped by joy and laughter, thinking about one of Jack's sayings, a funny expression or how happy he was to be part of such an awesome family.

Reenie said...

His smile....
Her laughter....
Their love for each other....

ADORABLE!!!

Susan said...

Anna,
I try to visit every day. Always thinking of you and your sweet family ~
That beautiful Jack. What a smile. No words.

Pamela said...

So sweet. Love, hugs, and prayers going out to you everyday. xoxoxox

The Empress said...

Oh, Anna: what are you all going to do?

My prayers are with you, and your broken hearts.

falcofamilypictures said...

It's a wonderful snippet

Kara said...

My favorite thing about road trips is definitely the things we get to overhear the kids saying. What a precious memory - how generous you are to share. That giggle at the end and his smile - amazing.

The White Farmhouse said...

You are right, he does have a million dollar smile! Her giggle is so cute though. How could you not giggle too around that laugh? I have been writing EVERYONE about your story that I can think of hoping to get Margaret her wish. You all deserve to have something fantastic happen in your life right now.

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful big brother/little sister exchange. And I'm upping that smile to a trillion dollars now. Wow!

jbhat

Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co. said...

What a sweet and simple moment to treasure! It's the little things that will keep you going, one day at a time.

beth said...

I have seen that loving and special relationship between bothers and sisters before many times with my kids.....it's magical and never gets old to witness.

Lady Jennie said...

It is the little things and the big things.

Crying.

Kirsten said...

Tears. That made me smile and cry at the same time. I love his smile.

Leah C said...

You had it right the first time...it's a million-dollar smile:) And Margaret's giggle is the sweetest! What a precious moment shared. Hugs & prayers~

Stefanie said...

Anna, I can't believe you can breathe every day, much less get online and share these precious gems. I do think of you and your family many times a day, sending you loving vibes. I'm so glad you do share -- it's lovely to see these special memories, and to keep your precious Jack in our thoughts. Keep it coming, we're here for you!

kitty said...

Oh Anna what a sweet moment.I am so glad you have that special moment.Margaret's laughter is so sweet.Thank you again for sharing such a special memory/moment in your children's life.You are all still in our prayers.

Jeanie said...

That's adorable. And Jack certainly did have a million dollar smile.

Anonymous said...

"Looking at pictures of your toe..." Jack's delivery is hilarious! So much wit and charm between the two of them.

I laughed. And then I cried.

Cindy said...

I LOVE, love, love hearing his voice.

luv2run said...

What a good looking boy!!!!!

luv2run

Anonymous said...

Smiling and crying at the same time. Memories that will last a lifetime. Much love and prayers for you and your family.
Kelly rojas

zcan said...

This makes me so thankful for technology. I am glad that you will always have this video memory. Love you.

the mama bird diaries said...

Oh anna. What a beautiful smile. Thinking of you always. xo

K A B L O O E Y said...

Jack had charisma like Jack Kennedy. Such a compelling smile; no wonder Margaret craves it. PS: I finally convinced Phin to email Kate's letter (sans names) and links to a childhood friend who is Bieber's manager's dad (Scooter Braun's father.) He felt funny because he hasn't spoken to him in forever. My argument, "tough titties," eventually won him over.

Sue@Uniquely Chic said...

Anna, I'm a fellow blogger....the only way I know you. But I have to tell you, my heart is breaking for you, your husband and little Margaret. I think about you all the time. I mentally put myself in your shoes and can't even fathom what you are going through...I think it would break me. I don't know how you are doing it...it truly breaks my heart to think about it. From one mom to another...peace to you.

PeachPrenni said...

I LOVED this video!!! Loved it. I love their relationship. I love Margaret's giggle. I want to bring him back for her. For you. I wish I could. Love you and praying for you every day. Annie

anymommy said...

It made me laugh and broke my heart. Tomorrow, I need to get out the video camera because I can't imagine not having that kind of love to watch.

Julie said...

I just don't understand why these things happen. My thoughts and prayers are with you daily. What a beautiful family you and your husband created.

Julie

Nomads By Nature said...

I'm so glad you have captured moments like this. Hugs to you and your family.

Julie said...

A wonderful bond. You can tell they've known nothing but love. Kudos to you, Anna. xoxo

Sara said...

So sorry Anna

HeatherY said...

I was going to email you, but my computer isn't set up to work by clicking your email link - and this seemed like a timely manner... so here goes. For perspective, I only know you through your blog and I was led here by Glennon.

It's 6 am here, and I've been lying awake most of the night due to a bunch of stuff that's going on with me - when Jack popped into my mind. At the time that this happened, I was mulling over my complicated relationship with my Mother and how I would really love to take the online course "Soul Restoration 1" at BraveGirlsClub.com but A. I can't afford it right now and B. I don't have time right now because I am in the process of moving.

My thoughts, more specifically were: I want to take the class, my Mother should take the class, we could take the class together. Then, as my mind spun out all the ways that our taking the class together could go "wrong"... Jack entered my mind.

It was so random and unrelated to anything I was thinking about, I can only conclude that he wanted me to suggest to you that it might be a good idea if you and your daughter take the class together.

Or maybe, I've just realized - as I read over this and edit it before submitting... he wanted to let me know I should stop being so afraid of life and just live.

Okay, so now I'm crying and I don't know whether I should send this or not so I'm just going to stop thinking so hard about it all, be brave and push publish.

Mel said...

Adorable! Love is smile and her laugh is catching! Memories to last forever...

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I love you Anna. And Jack's beautiful smile has been a constant in my thoughts since I first heard about this...

Lee Ann Hockensmith said...

Anna,
I think about you and pray for you just about everyday. I pray you and your family feel God in such an amazing way that it can't even be explained, but only rested in.

Thank you for sharing this video. What a sweet relationship your babies have. I love that.

HUGS from Kentucky.....

Anonymous said...

Your beautiful Jack is always on my mind. Thank you for sharing your video.

Peace and love to you and your family, especially sweet Margaret, who is lucky to have such a special bond with her brother. She is an amazing girl who deserves every happiness.

smilinjo said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful children with us. I just cracked up watching that little snippet. Without a doubt, your Jack has received his Angel's Wings and I am positive, poking at Margaret on a regular basis in little ways only she would notice (just like you with your iphone apps appearing just when you needed them). I keep you and your family in my prayers. hugs.
PS racking my brain for a Beiber connection. I'll email the Ellen show as well but seems like there should be another way can can also try....

alongdistancelovestory.com said...

That might be THE sweetest video ever.
I have goosebumps and tears streaming down my face.
Continued prayers sent your way - I wish we could all take your guys' pain away.
xo

Kim said...

lump in my throat and ache in my heart. prayers. lamentations 3:23.

Ann Imig said...

What a treasure. That smile, wow.

Anneke {RustiChic} said...

I saw this yesterday, but it was just on my mind now. It made me think that a million dollar smile doesn't even cut it - his smile is priceless! He's a handsome boy and your hubby's gonna need to keep a good supply of guns for Margaret! She's beautiful!!! :-) I think of you and pray for you every day.

for a different kind of girl said...

No, that is definitely a million dollar smile. Your Jack is such a handsome, shining boy. Hearing Margaret's laugh at the end made me smile. Seeing Jack's smile made me cry. Tomorrow, it's my intent to answer "My butt," in response to every question asked of me. Should make my trip the doctor very interesting!

My love to you, Anna.

Miss Mustard Seed said...

Oh, that smile at the end. What a great little snippet of video to have.

Law Momma said...

I think you can stick with million dollar on that smile.

Christen said...

What a bond they have

Vi said...

I hope that my boys grow up to have the bond that Jack and Margaret have. What a beautiful video - thank you for sharing it!