A Splotch of Gray

Okay, it's time to discuss the outcome of Tom's coloring my hair last night.

The results were mixed.

On the one hand, it was fun. We laughed a lot and it was a very intimate act. I mean, I don't remember feeling that close to him since, well you know... he picked the nits out of my hair .

On the other hand, he missed a few (big!) spots. His advice to me upon inspection, "Well, it looks like you'll have to do a comb over."

Certainly not words I thought I'd hear in my lifetime.

And in less than 2 weeks I'll be at a big blogging convention, which kind of sort of seems like the closest I've been to a prom since 1987. And while I won't have a date trying to deflower me in the back of his grandfather's Town Car, I will have some pretty pressure-filled moments as I try to hang with the big guys (er, girls).

I mean, I don't know half of the hip bloggy jargon and my real goal is to drink wine with people I have admired from afar rather than trying to do anything fancy to my blog.

I have some other issues, in addition to the comb over, that will not be working in my favor at this convention:

1. 5 lb summer weight gain. This may be as a result of canceling our pool membership, thus alleviating any pressure I've felt to fit into a swimsuit.

2. Going straight from my husband's family reunion in CT to the convention. Let me paint a little picture for you: 18 relatives, 1 week, 1 house. By the time I get to NYC I may very well have lost my mind.

And at my in-laws I think we may have been downgraded from our traditional twin beds. Not that my air mattress under the ping pong table won't be restful, but I have a feeling Psycho Anna will show up early and often. My mental state might not be the best for meeting new people.

3. The anti-humidity hair treatment appears to be wearing off. I fear I'll be like Cinderella at midnight when I turn into a big-haired pumpkin on 5th Avenue. Hello? August? In New York?

4. Due to much stellar planning, I have arranged to be on Day 1 of my period at the convention. This will ensure that I am a zitty, semi-comatose ferret, better suited to curling up with my friends Ben and Jerry in a fetal position than hanging with the cool girls in high heels and halters. Also, on Day 1 I can't drink alcohol without feeling sick, so there's that.

When I try to explain to Tom why I spent hundreds of dollars to watch Lifetime movies by myself in a New York hotel room while everyone else was out having fun, I don't know what I'll say...Nah, after almost 20 years with me, he'll think that sounds about right.

5. Additional 5 lb weight gain. See #4.

So, that's about it.

So if you are in NYC the first weekend in August, please take pity on me and come up and introduce yourself. I promise I won't bite. I mean, that may be what I do when I'm PMS-ing, but you will have just missed it.

Who knows? If you hang out with me, maybe we'll have a celebrity sighting like the last time I hit the big city.