Monday, September 21, 2009

Good Thing I Have High Self Esteem


So I went to the dentist on Friday and she opened my mouth and said, “I guess you’ve never had any orthodontic work done.” To which I replied that yes, I had braces as a teen. Her response? “Oh, they must not have used retainers BACK THEN.”

Ouch.

After that, my crooked teeth and I went to the mall to get my bushy eyebrows threaded. By the way, if you haven’t had this done before, let me tell you, it is brutal. The dentist poking my gums until I bled like a stuck pig hurt less.

I knew the threader was at a kiosk which meant running the gauntlet between the other chichi overpriced vendors… and one in particular. I tried to dodge it by going up a flight of stairs and taking the elevator down, but NO, the brow lady was in direct line of sight of the flat-iron kiosk.

You could almost see them rubbing their hands together when they saw my frizz a-coming. They could use me as an example. People would flock. People would oooh and aaah. People would buy. The sales team converged on me like bees to honey. “No, no thank you, no.” I said, walking briskly, my hand partially shielding the frizz. “I have your product. This is what I look like WITH your product.”

When I got home to let myself disappear into the blogosphere for a few minutes (or an hour) with the help of a friend I’ll call Little Debbie, my comment word verification was:

“Flabi.”

Thanks, world.

18 comments:

mgheadley said...

Some Mondays are worse than others, huh?
I hope the rest of your day is beautiful :) Pun intended!

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

I agree with mgheadley (above) - sounds like you are having a typical Monday...

Tuesday is right around the corner!

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Girl, you are too funny. And too cute!

And, I would NEVER do that threading thing. The one I've seen at the mall, the Indian ladies keep the thread in their MOUTHS and pull it out as the need it.

SICK. Why don't they just sneeze on the client? Just about as sanitary.

Don't do it. Just pluck or wax.

Oonafey said...

Your dentist sounds like a bitch, I think you should find a new one. My mall kiosk nemesis is the fingernail/hand cream people. They bug me like none other.

Two Wishes said...

Oh, I so know that type of day. I got out of the house without this baby on Saturday, and after a few hours of museum-going, shopping, and generally strutting around town with my iPod, I was feeling HOT.

Then I caught sight of myself in a store mirror. Bald patches from the post-baby hair loss, baby weight, wearing my husband's oversized shorts and tennis shoes with socks that didn't match....

I walked away sadly with my head down, Charlie Brown music playing in my head.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. You should take another day off to make up for this one. Funny stuff, though.

jbhat

Christy said...

Seriously - get a new dentist. Or hygienist, at least. Sheesh.

And the rest of the day is too funny. Flabi. ARGH!

Thanks for the laugh!

Momastery said...

fabi is new new FABULOUS, sister. and you are SO FLABI.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You are gorgeous. Your dentist needs to retake that bedside (chairside?) manner course...

bernthis said...

if they threaded the men at Guantanmo they'd have gotten all information they need

JennyMac said...

LOL...this made me laugh. With not at you.

Madge said...

i find it very annoying that i am at the age where doctors/dentists/anybody is younger than me.

K a b l o o e y said...

Don't let the gremlins get you down. You're looking pretty good in that uber-perky photo: that's a lot of pizazz for a woman who looks to be holding up her own ceiling. And I'm right with you as far as the demeaning psychics working for the word verification bureau. They jab me a lot.

Beth@The Stories of A to Z said...

Oh my goodness. What a horrible day! And yes, it is good that you have high self esteem. What in the world is threading? I have never heard of such a thing. I must not get out much, but that just sounds horrible. And, I'm sorry, but your dentist is rude. I hope the rest of your week goes well.

Blessings,
Beth
p.s. Thanks for leaving me a sweet comment!

Phoe said...

Oh, dear. Mama said there'd be days like this, didn't she?

I hope your days have been going better since.

KT said...

Threading vs waxing- worth it?

Shawn said...

Well, at least you have the money to get your teeth done! I have had about 3 crowns fall off----and so I am starting to look like one of those little ole ladies with no teeth!

Heidi said...

I'm with Oonafey on the hand cream people. I just cringe when I see them coming, hand lotion in their hands ready to 'change my world'. Eeek. My new trick is to look busy and important on my cell phone.

I hope you have a great weekend!