Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Give Her an Inch, She'll Drag Me a Mile



Dear Shadow,

When you dragged me across the pool parking lot just now in front of all the tennis moms you must have gotten a real rush. What did it feel like for you when my shin, knee, hip, shoulder, forearm, palm and finally, face, skidded across the dirty pavement and ended up in that puddle?

I sure wish I had known to expect the sudden trip so I could have unwrapped your leash from around my wrist, instead of flying through the air like a hooked carp.




Obviously my busy day of bringing home the bacon (ok, 50 bucks) wasn’t enough for you. The doggie bones from my quick grocery trip didn’t satisfy, either. When you brought me your ball, I played fetch with you. And then, instead of sitting on my rear reading magazines while the kids had tennis lessons, I decided to bring you along for a nice long walk.

And now, as we sit here in the car, me fuming and composing this blog in my head and bleeding on the steering wheel, all you can do is pant and give me that stupid, happy-dog look.

I guess it’s all my fault. I mean, you did see another dog to chase after, and it’s not like you get to do that every day. Oh yeah.

And when I miss my dear friend’s going away party in an hour as I pick gravel out of my shoulder, it’s not like she’s moving to Belgium or anything. Oh yeah.

And as the sheets stick to my wounds tonight as I try to sleep, and I say goodbye to wearing any flirty, shoulder-baring fashions for the next 100 years, I’ll just say thanks again, bitch.

Not Love,

Anna




21 comments:

L said...

Holy guacamole! I so want to hurt that dog on your behalf right now! (Leave me alone, Peta, she hurt my sister!)

Christen said...

Oh no! That is truly awful (and of course it had to happen during summer when you want to wear cute, shoulder baring tops...) My favorite part of your post? When you are fuming while your lab is panting and has that "stupid, happy-dog look". I definitely can empathize with that situation!

Stimey said...

Oh dear. Bad dog! I would be furious! Don't you hate it when dogs are total jerks and then just give you their I'm-a-happy-dumb-dog look and you can't release them into the wild like you'd really like too.

I hope your wounds heal quickly and that your dog is extra special kind to you for a while.

Oy.

Shana said...

I'm not a dog owner, so I guess this might be a stupid question, but can't we just put Shadow down now?

OK, I'm just kidding. Kind of.

Sorry about your owie. Looks quite hurty. If only you had done it in the privacy of your own home, you could concoct a fabulous story about wiping out on your longboard while doing extreme sports or some such, you know, for the other tennis moms. But not now. No, Shadow saw to that, didn't she.

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Yowza, Anna, that's an impressive wound. How big is your dog? She must be, like, an Irish Wolfhound?

Option #1 - eat a ton of donuts so that it's not so easy for your pooch to drag you.

Option #2 - eat a ton of donuts because, well, they're tasty.

Option #3 - post picture of your huge dog so that your blog members can chastise her roundly.

Christy said...

Oh my god. I can't believe how bad those cuts and scrapes are....that must have hurt so much. Bad dog! UGH!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh Anna! The same thing happened to me a couple of summers ago. No dog was involved and it was totally my own fault (long story I'll tell you another time), but the wounds are SO similar.

I have to warn you, you will be stuck with a pink patch of skin for the next year and next summer that area will be a slightly different color/texture than the rest of your shoulder.

As soon as you get the healing part done, use the some anti-scar stuff religiously. It really does help.

This is a huge case in point for why I'm terrified of owning a dog who can overpower me...

zcan said...

Anna! Oh my goodness!!! I can't believe this. I hope you are feeling better. Although I have to say this does remind me of how I looked when I took that swan-dive in front of SPE. Thinking of you!

Peppermint Patty said...

I think you should write to Animal Planet so when their show "When Dogs Go Bad" airs, you can be on it. st

Chris said...

OHMYGOSH! That's some terrible looking roadrash! Sticking to the sheets is the worst. I used to race mountain bikes, and roadrash wounds almost always required new sheets. I'm so sorry. I hope you heal quickly. :-)

EatPlayLove said...

My goodness. Those types of scrapes are so annoyingly painful! I hope you heal fast. If you need something to smile about you sure do have nice biceps!

Pamela said...

Oh Anna, I'm so bummed for you! Bad Shadow indeed. I'm struggling for some bright side comment, but it's not coming. Bad, bad Shadow.

I hope you feel better soon!!!

A Buns Life said...

Wowza! Next time, if there ever IS a next time....for the love of YOURSELF, LET GO OF THE DOG LEASH! Then, chase the dog....I have two 100 lb. dogs and I know that the natural reaction is to hold on to the leash, but if I can't control them right away, I drop the leash, because I am not going to get dragged to the ground. You poor thing. Feel better, and have a few drinks. That always helps! :)

Lisa G said...

You need a pinch collar (for Shadow). It won't hurt her, just remind her who's in charge when she gets the urge to bolt.

But enough about the dog, I want to know how you stay so skinny on that diet of girl scout cookies and candy corn???!

Anna See said...

Thanks for all of your well wishes toward me and ill wishes toward Shadow! Lisa G., I think the pics are more flattering b/c they were taken from a 7 year old's height.

As for the pinch collar-- it is a life saver-- I won't walk Shadow w/out it. Someone took it off yesterday. We won't name names.

Heidi said...

This was hilarious! That last line did it for me.

I'm not laughing at you, but with you?

Debbie said...

Ouch! That looks so painful. I am so sorry that happened to you.
Another example of why I am dogless.

ShopDownLite.com said...

Oh my god - that must be one big dog!

Shawn said...

OUCH!!! I was cringing to look at it!!

Evy said...

Oh my, I hope you're feeling better now! That kind of wounds are the worst because they really hurt!

Sending good wishes your way - get better soon, I hope they don't hurt anymore!

Lady Jennie said...

Holy. Cow.