Be Mine

I know you are used to my rants about Tim's ignoring the Big Day. Or, my propensity to buy myself a purse from Target to celebrate my ardent love for myself on February 14. Or, sweet blogs about family traditions, from WAY BACK in the days when, for privacy's sake, I called Jack "Jake" and Margaret "Molly" on this blog.

Today's a little different.

Tim got me salt and pepper shakers in our china pattern to replace ones that have been broken and mended, broken and mended, over the years. What an appropriate and thoughtful gift.

My first thought when looking at both the old and new shakers, however, was that each set looked a bit...anatomical in its own special way.

My second thought was that the old salt shaker is a really good illustration of 26 Valentine's Days and 21 years of marriage.

The cracks and mending represent some of the excruciatingly hard times we have endured. Times when we've been shattered on the ground. Times we've had to pick through shards and pieces to see if and how we'd fit together again, particularly after our son's death. We are changed by what we've been through, even as we still function. The sustained, everyday use, despite these scars, reminds me of how we have continued to show up, long past the heady early days of wedding registries and clueless optimism.

So maybe this isn't the most romantic Valentine's post you've ever read, but I think instead of throwing away that salt shaker, I may keep it around as a reminder of how far we've come.

LOVE to you today, as always.

Keeping the Spark Alive

I managed to convince Tim to binge watch 4 episodes of Homeland with me over the course of Valentine's weekend, which was a win for sure. Not that there's anything romantic about Homeland, but I'm currently obsessed with and I want to get as far into it as possible before I leave for Armenia.

Another weekend treat was that Tim got an extra short haircut, which left him looking about 25 years old. I knew he was young looking when we met, but I never thought it would be much of a problem. Remember the time we were going to an R-rated movie (as married, pregnant, minivan driving homeowners) and he got carded? Sheesh. It's no secret that I've always looked a bit older than Tim, but I've held out hope that we would eventually fade at relatively the same pace.

Wrong.

With all of Tim's marathon running and juicing over the past several years, I've had a few alarming experiences where I've looked over at him and seen someone who looks a lot more like Adam Levine than the Danny DeVito-esque middle-aged husband I expected.

He just keeps getting hotter.

Not that most women would complain, it's just that I appear to be aging more like Bea Arthur than Cindy Crawford, and Tim's dashing looks and Benjamin Button-like aging process are making it hard for me to coast into my middle-aged glory days like I thought I would.

At least his lack of finesse in the romance department takes some of the pressure off. Last night we were watching something on TV with Margaret (not Homeland) when he slipped a little piece of paper into my hand with a smile. It was one of those little squares from our Valentine's Gratitude Box. I assumed it would be romantic and at least PG-13. I turned aside so Margaret wouldn't see what it said, but I could have saved myself the trouble. Instead of a love note, it was a folded up Chipotle receipt. I burst out laughing as Tim frantically patted down his pockets trying to locate the note he had intended to hand me.

I die. As my brother used to say to me when I did something especially goofy:

Smooth Move, Ex-Lax.

Gratitude Box and a Splash of Yellow

There are still a few days left if you would like your family to do a Valentine Gratitude Box (or jar or basket). It's one of my favorite family traditions.

I love having that little pink box brighten up our kitchen on the sometimes chilly, dreary days leading up to V Day.

And speaking of cheering up. Do you see that little bit of yellow peeking out there?

I found a small café chair at the thrift store for $2.50 and gave it a (kind of sloppy) coat of spray paint this week to add more color to the kitchen. I ran out of paint, so don't look too closely.

Here's the before:

And here's the after.

Want to join me for a mug of tea?

V-Day

I was at Target earlier this week and picked up a cool dark green purse for myself for Valentine's Day. Years ago I told myself I would never resort to shopping for presents for myself for holidays. I was certain the strength of Tim's and my love would manifest itself in thoughtful, romantic gifts year after year after year. The fact that he bought me a coupon organizer for grad school graduation should have tipped me off that something was amiss, but alas, I forged ahead with stars in my eyes.

When I showed Tim and Margaret the purse a few days ago, Tim was offended that I'd picked something out for myself. "I've already planned on ordering you something for Valentine's Day!" he said.

"Is it chocolate, jewelry, flowers, or this green purse?" I asked.

"No."

He whispered in Margaret's ear hoping to get her approval. I may have overheard something that sounded an awful lot like "wireless mouse" which IS something I 've been wanting, but that won't look quite as cute out and about as my new green purse.

Feel free to take a trip with me down memory lane to revisit Valentine's Day 2006-2008 with the Donaldson family. And a Happy Valentine's Day to you!

Valentine's Gratitude Box Time!

It's time to get out that Valentine's Gratitude Box again.

Tim, Margaret, and I will write down little things we appreciate about each other (and Shadow!) and put them in the box, reading them aloud on Valentine's Day. I like saving the slips from previous years so we can read those too, like these hilarious ones from Margaret the first year we did it.

Want to join me this year?

Valentine's Gratitude Box Round-up

I hope you've had a good week. On Valentine's morning, we opened our Gratitude Box and read the contents aloud. Here are some highlights:

Bear (hamster): I love how you eat right out of my hands. Dad

Anna: I love how you get all the words in the crossword puzzle that I don't know. Tim

Mom: I liked talking to you last night. Margaret

Dad: Thanks 4 helping me get my tongue unstuck from my popsicle! -- M

Anna: I love how you care about other people. Tim

Tim: Thank you for taking over the bill paying for me! -- Anna

Shadow: I love how your ears perk up when you are waiting for a banana-- Dad

Mom: If you don't finish writing your book, I'll be MAD. Margz

Tim: Your haircut looks nice! Anna

Margaret: I love it when you sing all around the house! Mom

Margaret: I love your creative mind! Dad

Margz: You will do great things in life! Mom

Mom: Even though you're BAD at math, I still like u. Margz

Tim: Thanks for helping Margz with math! Anna

Margz: I love your sense of humor! Dad

Anna: I'm grateful for your blog. Tim

Shadow: Your ears are the softest ears ever! Mom

Grammar: I love you! (exclamatory sentence) Margz

Margz: God loves you and so do I! Mom

STUD

Margaret: I love how you use emoticons and taught me how to use them. Dad


There were more, including some written to Jack.

I'm glad we continued this tradition.

Much love to you today!

Valentine's Gratitude Box

We've gotten out our Valentine's gratitude box again this year.

Over the next two weeks we'll write down things we love about our family members, pets included, and pop them in the box. We'll read them on Valentine's Day. Margaret didn't want to do it last year, without Jack, but we did it any way and I'm glad because this year she's excited again. Please read these short posts to check out what some past notes said, remembering that I used to call Jack Jake on this blog, and Margaret Molly. I know I could/should change that, but I'm lazy. Regardless of what we call her, that Margaret/Molly cracks me up!

And while I'll never know why Jack didn't participate in our gratitude box that first year (lazy like his mom?) when he had the chance, I did find two special things while cleaning out my bedroom closet this week. Thank you to whatever teacher probably forced Jack to write these gems:

Undated Valentine to Mom from Jack:

"Dear Mom,
I love you because you aren't to (sic) strict.
I'm thankful you help me with stuff.
I love it when you be nice."

And to Tim and Anna, an undated thank you note, which was probably assigned as a paragraph, but ended up as one long sentence instead:

"Thank you, my loving, gracious, perfect, wonderful, spectacular, amazing, supporting, instructive, caring, great, outstanding, remarkable, swell, marvy, groovy, kind, superb, glorious parents, for being my parents. Love, Jack"

On the front is a stick figure farmer saying "Farm," (?) a stick figure Ninja saying "Hi-Ya" (?) and a stick figure pirate saying "Argh" because all of that makes so much sense.

And while we're talking gratitude, I could fill a gratitude box with what YOU have done for me by reading this blog, leaving kind words, praying, allowing what has happened to affect your lives in some way, and stepping right into our story with us, even when it's hard.

You really be nice.

Valentine Gratitude Box

If you recall last year we had a Valentine Gratitude box in the kitchen in which to put sweet notes to each other. We read them aloud on Feb 14th.

Margaret doesn't want to do it this year, because even though Jack apparently chose NOT to participate, he was a big part of the activity last year. I blogged about my favorite funny responses last February, and I think they illustrate the sweet and playful way Margaret related to Jack and our whole family!

I really hope you'll check that post out, replacing Molly/Margaret and Jake/Jack.

Here are some others that didn't make that post, but that sure DO make me miss LAST Valentine's Day a lot:

Jack, I love your loyalty. Love, Dad

Anna, I love your mothering instincts. Love, Tim

Thanks for getting me up on time, Margaret! Love, Mom

Tim, You are a stud. Love, Anna

I like the way Margaret didn't get upset when I forgot to wash her pants. xo, Mom

Jack, you are a good friend. Love, Mom

Margaret, you are a ton of fun! Love, Mom

Margaret, I love how you are my early morning buddy. Love, Dad

Jack, I love how you have a compassionate heart, especially for people who are less fortunate. Dad

Shadow, Thanks for being such a good car rider. Love, Mom

Tim, Thank you for cooking yummy food for us! xo, Anna

Mom, I like your chicken soup. - M

Shadow, I like your cuteness!- M

Margaret, I love your sense of humor! Love, Dad

Jack, You have the cutest hair ever. Sorry Justin Bieber, you lose! Mom

Margaret, reading "Holes" with you is fun. I wonder how it will turn out?!" Love, Mom

I love the way Jack doesn't let his nosebleeds get him down. Love, Mom

I love how Tim has gotten the kids into skiing! Love, Anna

Who is the best builder? Jack is! Love, Mom

Jack, your artwork looks great! Love, Mom

Margaret, I love watching you dance Hip-Hop Love, Mom

Jack, I love how you keep your promises. Love, Dad

I love the way Margaret and Jack help calm me down when I get stressed-- xo, Mom

Margaret, Shopping with you is FUN! xo, Mom

Margaret, I love watching you play soccer! Love, Dad

I love the discussions Jack and I get into at bedtime. Love, Mom

Margaret, you are a good friend. Love, Mom

Like, OMG! Margaret is sooo funny! xo, Mom

I enjoyed my lunch date with Dad. xo, Mom

Shadow, I love your enthusiastic greetings. It makes me feel loved when you are always so happy to see us. Love, Dad (editor's note: the longest note is from Tim to a dog.)

Jack-- Go black diamond slopes! Impressive! xo, Mom

Jack, I love playing games with you. Love, Dad

Anna, I love the way you write. Tim

You get the idea. If someone could send me a time machine for Valentine's Day, I'd be mighty grateful.

Love to you all!

Valentine Box Summary

Lest you think we are living in a Hallmark Card over here, I'll give you the run-down of our Valentine Box Love Notes as viewed at breakfast this morning:

Tally:
Notes from Anna to others: 29.

Notes from Tom to others: 13.

Notes from Molly to HERSELF and OTHERS: 13

Notes from Jake: 0, zilch, nada

R-rated Notes from Tom to Anna: 1, fortunately slipped into her pocket.

Some Classics:

Dear Molly, I LOVE U and so does Everyone. Love, Molly.

Jake, I luv yur beard.- M

Jake, I like yur SASS!-M

Shadow, I H8T yur breath.- M

Shadow, Sorry I said that 'bout your breath.- M

Shadow, You smell like an angel.-M

Dad- I like how U make $$ :)-M

Dear Molly, You are AMAZING! Love, Jake (in Molly's handwriting)

Dear Molly, I will buy u anything u want.- Jake (in Molly's handwriting)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Tom and I got to go to a play this weekend, sans kids, so I'm feeling well-celebrated.

If you want to read one of my earliest posts, about an epically crappy V-Day, check this out.

Valentine Gratitude Box

For the week or so before Valentine's Day we have been writing down things we love and appreciate about our family members on slips of paper and putting them in this little heart shaped box (.99 at Michael's)

We will read them out loud on Valentine's Day.

...at least I hope the other members of the family are doing it too. Mama wants some love.

Snowy Day Valentine Craft

When you look out the window and see this:

You may decide it's a good day to stay inside and make a quick, easy Valentine craft.

Jake, Molly and I made these little Hershey's Kiss Gnomes for their classmates.





Tell me these are not the cutest things you've seen in a while!

BTW, you can really see the class size difference between public and private schools coming into play when one kid has to make 27 and the other 12.



All you need: Hershey's Kisses, felt, and googly eyes. I used a glue gun, which may or may not be toxic, but was very fast. We'll give each classmate 2 kisses: a gnome for looking at and a kiss for eating. For complete instructions,

go to Family Fun Magazine.


Now if my kids ever go back to school, they will be ready.

p.s. Don't forget to leave a comment on this post to enter my coffee giveaway.

How Did We Get Here from There?

I spent a good portion of last weekend wondering how we got “here” from “there.” Having come off of some pretty horrendous Valentine’s Days, the kind that leave you shaking your head and quaking in your shoes wondering about the next 50 years-- the “But it’s just a Hallmark Holiday” and “But we don’t DO Valentine’s Day” kind of Valentine’s Days--this year was completely different.

Tom surprised me with a trip to the exact spot where we met 17.5 years ago and where we got engaged 13 years ago. He arranged for my sister to keep the kids and we drove to our college town in North Carolina. We stayed in a humongous Tudor-style estate built in the 1930’s. This picture shows me at the exact spot where he popped the question.


He had planned a whole trip down memory lane which helped us remember some really wonderful times. We drove around to all of my old apartments, his old apartments, and even my former place of business, Blockbuster.

We walked around campus, realizing we probably looked like parents of prospective students, and we pigged out at our favorite Mexican restaurant.

We were comfortable enough with ourselves to choose to go to a Hollywood hit rather than some artsy-fartsy campus play that we most certainly would have watched in my English major/ripped jeans days. We realized all we really wanted was a huge vat of popcorn and a little of Liam Neeson's butt-kicking.

When I discovered there was a huge NCAA basketball game with Tom’s absolute favorite team playing, here in his college town, I asked it he wanted to see them play live for the first time in more than a decade.

This is what came out of Tom’s mouth: “We can go to a game another time; why don’t we drive around those neighborhoods where you used to walk and look at all the big houses?” Wow. Wow. Wow.



And, when I divulged that I was besieged by cramps (see possible tie-in with huge cheek zit), rather than act as if I had deliberately planned my cycle in a vicious attempt to ruin his fun and possibly his life, he said, “Oh well, why don’t we go check out the free Ice Cream Room down the hall?”



I may have landed in a parallel universe, but I love it here.

Hey Tom, you rock!

The Big Day

Happy Valentine’s Day, or is it? My husband informed me he would be out of town on Valentine’s Day this year and asked if I would mind. I told him that my expectations had fallen so low in the past few years that his whereabouts wouldn’t matter too much. He was wounded and couldn’t figure out why I felt this way.

Hmmm. Our Valentine’s problems started two years ago. For weeks the stores advertised the big day. The kids and I had red and pink cards out all over the place as we got ready for class parties. The big day arrived. At breakfast I put out the cards and the gifts I had picked out for my husband and the kids. No card, no word from dear husband. Nothing. That night, at about 11 pm, I could stand it no longer. “WERE YOU PLANNING ON DOING ANYTHING FOR VALENTINE’S DAY?” I asked with clenched teeth. His response, “Well, I called you from the office today. I wouldn’t have done that if it hadn’t been Valentine’s Day.” Gee, thanks for making such a Herculean effort.

I told him I was beyond peeved and explained that when everyone around you is getting some sort of recognition on Valentine’s Day, it stinks to be overlooked. Three days later he came home with a special gift for me. A $300 i-Pod with a red case. As I opened the box, my 5 year old daughter asked the question that I was thinking, “Is that for you or for Mom, Daddy?” It was indeed for me, but to me it felt like a little too much, a lot too late.

Now I’m sure the men reading this are thinking what a high maintenance person I am and how they are glad they aren’t married to me. The women, I hope, will have a shred of compassion-- more so if they know that at the time we had just come off of a pretty stinky 10th anniversary at which time I had clearly and calmly stated my expectations when it came to the marking of romantic holidays. I wanted a card, purchased for the occasion, verbal acknowledgement of the special day, and some sort of small gift, not picked out by me.

Well, you can imagine that after this big brouhaha two years ago I was expecting last Valentine’s Day to be much better. At breakfast I found a short note, written on his everyday stationery (after he had seen the card and gift from me). No gift, no word of acknowledgement, and not even last year’s obligatory phone call from work. Perhaps I should tell you that he was leaving the next day for a weeklong ski trip with “the boys” in Utah. With a new set of skis and boots.

I admit I was pretty sure that since my husband had a lot of making up to do for the year before, and he was leaving me alone with the kids for an entire week, I’d soon be feasting on some pretty impressive chocolate. No dice. As he came home late that night from work, stressed out and needing to pack for his big trip, I mentioned my Valentine’s disappointment. He appeared blindsided.

First tack: “We don’t DO Valentine’s Day. It is just a stupid Hallmark holiday.” Ugh. Second tack: “What are you complaining about? Last year I got you an i-Pod.” Double ugh. He didn’t appear to remember any of the drama surrounding the extravagant electronic gift that he’d been using daily ever since. Tack three: “Well, I was going to order you flowers next week from my ski trip, but now you’ve ruined the surprise.” If he hadn’t left town, I think I would have killed him.

This year, I laid out my expectation that we would, indeed, commemorate Valentine’s Day. I reminded him that being recognized on this “Hallmark holiday” was important to me. He gave me a blank stare and said, “What are you talking about? Didn’t I give you a spa certificate last year?” Ack.

****************
Well, I can’t finish this entry the way I intended because my husband came through with a slam-dunk! This morning (2/13), he woke even earlier than usual and set up my Valentine’s gift—a digital picture frame loaded with 200 photos of family and friends. It was playing in the kitchen when I stumbled in to say goodbye to him. He had already cut up a melon and a pineapple for us to eat while he was away (I’m not a good fruit cutter-upper), and manhandled an enormous limb last night’s ice storm brought down in the middle of the driveway. So, on the day before the “Hallmark holiday,” he surprised me with an incredibly thoughtful gift and several acts of service to boot before I’d even rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

The “card” was a yellow piece of scrap paper with writing on the back, but we can deal with that next year.