Thursday, May 4, 2017

15 Awesome things about Being a Very Old Mom

I've had a rough few days/nights with Little Boo so I decided to think about what makes having a late-in-life baby so great! Here are some reasons it's awesome to be a Very Old Mom.

Reading Glasses:
Old moms don't sweat the small stuff because we can't SEE the small stuff. You might see crusty noses or rheumy eyes, but to us our babies faces have the hazy glow of an Elizabeth Taylor perfume commercial. Bonus: We notice less of the schmutz around the house.

Disposable Underwear/Adult Diapers:
We'll need only a few of these miracle workers right after delivery, but we can stash the rest of the pack for a day in the not too distant future when we can't sneeze without peeing.

We've survived wall phones, snail mail, and dial up internet. We waited 12 hours, in the cold, to buy Springsteen tickets. We know a thing or two about being patient, and our little ones will benefit from it.

Sure, we may be afflicted with "Can't Remember Sh*t" Syndrome, but that makes hearing about Pokemon or Minecraft for the millionth time a tad more bearable, and each episode of Little Einsteins new again, since we can never remember who the artist of the day is.

Elastic Waists and Comfortable Shoes:
VOMs can coast straight from maternity pants to jeggings and leggings exclusively. We can say a final farewell to belts and zippers, and embrace practical footwear. Bonus: Both of these changes make getting to the bathroom on time much more of a possibility.

Losing sleep with a baby will help prepare us for the inevitable sleep disruptions of menopause.  Never mind. Losing sleep is never a good thing, so there's no good way to spin this one.

All the whole milk and cheese sticks we feed our toddlers will remind us to take our calcium. Bonus points for eating leftovers off the high chair tray and saving on cleanup.

We have lived through every child rearing trend, and watched the pendulum swing this way and that. So instead of stressing about doing the ONE RIGHT THING, we can find a groove that works for us and our kiddos. If anyone lectures us about the parenting strategy du jour, we will remind ourselves that we wore denim overalls, sans irony, as adults. This too shall pass.

Hopefully by our age, we've stashed a way a few bucks. While our friends are using their savings for their kids' college educations and that trip to a winery, we can hire a sitter to have a date night, or more likely, mow the lawn and take a nap.

Hearing Loss:
Too many concerts in the 80's and 90's mean that our baby's crying and whining won't seem quite as loud as it would if we were younger.

While our friends will have to contact their annoyed kids at college for help syncing their gadgets, we will have built-in tech support with youngsters at home.

Fewer Damns to Give:
If we don't want to be Room Mother, ever, we don't care if anyone judges us for it. And if we do want to, we'll shove our way to the front of the line with a smile on our faces.

None of us makes it 40+ years without realizing that life is hard. We know that there's no such thing as a perfect child, a perfect marriage, or a perfect life. Because we've seen just how fragile and tenuous it can all be, we are more able to appreciate the small moments.

Work Experience:
Though we may not have changed diapers since we babysat in high school, we do have quite a few work skills that translate to mothering. Team building? Got it! Leadership? Check! Dealing with a self-centered boss? Been there! If our new charges turn into small despots, we will use our vast experience to present them just 2 choices of what WE want them to do, and likely convince them the whole thing was their idea.

Regardless of how we came to be VOMs-- after years of longing and at great expense, or as an "oops!" when we thought the fertility door had slammed shut, we realize what a gift these little ones are. We know how quickly the decades have flown by for us, and we remind ourselves to keep our eyes and hearts open on the wild yet fleeting ride ahead.


Anonymous said...

As a VOM of 6 and 7 year old boys I salute you! I'm turning 53 this month...yikes! Love this list! Thank you! Stay strong girlfriend!

Sharon in Indy said...

You're amazing. Again. Still.

Jennifer Miracle said...

<3 Especially the one about sleep. I truly have fewer damns to give - my 8 year old son's breakfast consists of chocolate milk & animal crackers (yes, those are chocolate, too). But he doesn't go to school hungry! I'm a first time/ one and only Mom and I never would have been able to do it 20 years earlier. Being a VOM is a blessing :)

Unknown said...

Thanks for the reminders! Hard to recall the wonderful-ness some days. 49 with a 21 month old and one on the way in three weeks. It's a crazy but dream-come-true life!

Anonymous said...

I found myself at 52 the full time grandma of a beautiful baby girl. Her Momma, my daughter and an unwed teenager was unprepared for the result of her choices. Now 5 yrs later our amazing Myah is the apple of our eye. She brings us joy and exhausts us!!! Although I did not give birth to her I completely relate to all you have said!! Myah's Momma continues to take on more responsibility and I know will one day move out and on to being an amazing Momma. God has equipped us every day the past 5 yrs. What a gift these little ones are even including all the dirty diapers, messy houses, sleepless nights etc etc etc!!!! BE BLESSED because you are a blessing to so many!

Mrs. Smith said...

I love every word of this post! :)

Anonymous said...

I agree with anonymous - be blessed for you are a great blessing to others (me included). Remember that you are amazing xx

Unknown said...

As usual, beautifully written and hilarious -- and very, very true. Anna, you inspire me every day. I canNOT imagine having a late in life baby; you have my utmost admiration. Especially because you are so very real about the whole thing. And it doesn't hurt that he's so damn cute.

Jamie Miles said...

Love the Room Mom observations. When our last was in Primary School, I got drafted as the Room Mom. Now with emails and texting to contact parents for things I thought - why not -- this will be lots easier than when I did it ten years before. This has been at least five years ago but I distinctly remember a moment at a meeting with all the Room Moms. I looked up and I'm the only one in a sea of down-turned heads who was wearing readers. Oh well, happens to everyone. You will be able to savor moments more. Isn't that one of age's gifts? The wisdom to stop and reflect as life rolls along.

Unknown said...

This was awesomely funny! I love your style and spins on being a VOM.

Unknown said...

This was awesomely funny! I love your style and spins on being a VOM.

Anonymous said...

So funny and so true. You are such a great writer. I enjoy you so much. I just turned 50, my nine kids range in age from 21 to 5. When my 21 and 19 year olds were in elementary school, projects were beautifully done--by them but with lots of support from mom. When my 13 year old had to choose a topic for history fair this year and chose Justin Beiber, (we're Canadian, so it had to have Canadian content) my response was "you go for it" Had her sisters made the same choice years before, my response would have been, "are you kidding? he's a kid. that's not history." and I would have given a list of respectable topics to choose from, so as not to be embarrassed when the projects went on display for all to see. FAR fewer damns to give these days! Menopause has arrived and I don't sleep, so I may as well be up enjoying my kids or accomplishing some of the many things that didn't get done during the day. And finally, you are soooo right about reading glasses. My house looks so long as I don't put them on. If I want my house to truly be spotless, I wear my reading glasses while cleaning, but mostly I just leave them off and feel great about how good things look...then I invite the parents of my older children over for coffee, but never the moms of my youngest kids!

Anonymous said...

man you were dedicated to Springsteen -- which makes me instantly love you. (though i already did.) you might like his recently release memoir -- the man is a POET. it's so moving. another memoir rec: sue klebold's (mother of columbine shooter). that woman is braver than anyone i've ever met. to open herself up that way and with so much integrity and self-scrutiny. holy moly. great research info on raising a kid with depressive tendencies too.

Anonymous said...

So happy to have a little one at home...parenting adults is NO FUN!

Nomads By Nature said...

This is brilliant! A very happy (and early) mother's day to you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this list, the blog and the inspiration from a first time VOM at 42.

erinlovesjolene said...

As a VOM i love every word of this and I'm grateful for the laughs!