Monday, July 20, 2009

Too Much of a Good Thing?

I realized this morning after one of my cheap but beloved bras sprung a strap, that my cup runneth over. One would think I might be pleased to discover additional cleavage before breakfast, but I was not.

Over the past 39 ¾ years I have become privy to many cruel truths of womanhood. One is that when it comes to weight loss, the breasts are the first place you lose it, and when it comes to weight gain, they are the last place it lands. Uncool.

So what might have seemed like a bonus for a fleeting second at 7 this morning, was really just a sad reminder that the extra L-B’s have been creeping up my bod all summer long.

Pockets and pooches and dimples of unwanted smoosh have sprung up all over. A large dose of denial, an unseasonably cool summer, a job in an air conditioned office, and that fact that my whole family has been too lazy to use our pool membership (yeah, you read that correctly!) have all allowed me to stay covered in long sleeved shirts and capris rather than my customary summer uniform of tank tops or a skirted bathing suit. I mean what’s another 8 lbs if you’re practically wearing a burka?

Don’t know where I’m going with this.

Probably straight to the kitchen to commune with my new package of Limited Edition Oreos: Chocolate Sundae Crème flavor.

The Limited Edition crap gets me every time.

10 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I love limited edition Oreos! Sadly, I can not relate to your story of busting a bra :( Maybe IF I keep eating from my stockpile of junk food....someday. It was rather funny to read about though!

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

I'm blaming my recent chestal growth to pre-menopause, not chocolate. My friend swears that menopause makes your chest grow. Finally, something good about menopause!

Madge said...

yeah. i've gained weight this summer too. makes me cranky.

the limited editions get me every single time to. like OMG!! i have to buy it now or i will never ever be able to have it again!!

just did a bra fitting and bought really good bras---best thing i ever did for myself

L said...

I read this just as I (quite unsuccessfully) attempted to shove, twist, fold my ample bosom into a bra that was a little loose last summer. Makes me want to dive face-first into some limited edition oreos....

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

I hear ya. I keep thinking (incorrectly) that being pregnant gives me license to eat whatever I feel like.

And... you know how that story ends. With a regular-sized baby and a gargantuan-sized belly.

Oonafey said...

I have gained like twenty lbs in the last year, I definitely feel you pain. My weakness is chips...

Christy said...

I had no idea they even made limited edition oreos! I've been deprived!

Bummer about the weight gain. And I hear you - we rarely use our pool membership too. So irritating!

bernthis said...

put down the oreos! send them to me now! I am only trying to help you here, you must know that

K a b l o o e y said...

I have boobs, but also the dreaded backfat and grandma arm-wings. And I am currently on a friggin' diet but managed to justify that package of limited edition DARK CHOCOLATE peanut butter cups the other day. (And I know all caps = shouting, but I was talking about DCPCs. I don't want to say it again, because there's gas in my car and a 7-11 down the road. shhhh...

mgheadley said...

The best thing about signs of eighties fashions making a come back... the big, blousy shirts!
Why wear fitted clothes and keep worrying about my "muffin top" when I can just cover it up?!