Monday, September 15, 2008

The Elephant in the Room

I just had 15 women in my living room for a church meeting. Some I knew well, some I was meeting for the first time. One was our assistant pastor. There was a 16th presence in the room, of which no one spoke--the enormous oozing pustule on the side of my face.

Hello? I am almost 40 and would like to think I’ve outgrown zits. No such luck. I wasn’t sure what the church-lady etiquette was concerning acknowledging a zit. In my house growing up, any blemish, real or perceived, would be commented upon. My dear, dear older brother would breeze into the kitchen: “Hey, Schween-bag --can I carry your zit?” Poor grammar, but he got the point across.

Tonight I felt inclined to mention my blemish, but I held off. Sometimes I tend to get a teensy-weensy bit over familiar, you know? I did use the words hell and crap in front of the minister, but they seemed perfectly appropriate at the time.

When the meeting broke up, I was left with plates of brownies, chocolate cannolli, chocolate chip cookies and other assorted desserts to pack away for consumption when my kids are at school tomorrow. I know most people no longer believe that chocolate causes zits, but I did wonder as I bagged up my stash, if some of the ladies thought that’s how my monster zit got there in the first place.

I have not included a photo with this post. You’re welcome.




P.S. Oh my. I just looked up "Shweenbag" and was alarmed to discover what my brother has been calling me all these years. I prefer this alternate definition: "Schweenbag (SHWEEN-BAG) n. - An unpleasant, uncool, and strange person. One who is out of place in a mildly disgusting way." Whew.

7 comments:

Mrs. G. said...

I call it middle aged acne-it sucks for sure.

Pamela said...

Well, that is an unpleasant term - I prefer your definition too. Oh dear J - are his children nearly as mischievous as he?

I'm sure you exhibited grace while managing your little friend. I am curious how you incorporated borderline profanities into conversation. Again, gracefully I'm sure. My slips go all the way into profane. Not so graceful.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I don't think it's chocolate - because mine appear randomly. I'm assuming it's a more hormonal time of the month connection for me. So I will be done with them once I hit menopause - yeah!

As for what your brother called you...After my post on Friday, you won't be surpised to hear that I have no idea what that means. I tried googling it - but couldn't find anything. Where did you get that definition? Even when I know that I don't want to know - I HAVE to know!

Anna See said...

Dear Kate,
I googled and found a bunch of raunchy definitions. The one I deemed acceptable was probably made up by some schweenbag in his basement, but since it wasn't quite so dirty, I'm picking it.

AnastasiaSpeaks said...

Oh my goodness, that was FUNNY! I hate those.

There is probably no medical evidence for this but I too believe that it has something to do with chocolate...

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

I totally started getting zits when I was 34. It was bizarre. Oh yeah, and my hair turned curly when I was 36 (currently). Unfortunately, I don't have the perky boobs and lightening fast metabolism to go with them.

KEEP BELIEVING

Shana said...

I feel your pain. I've had to go to work with what looked for all practical purposes like a freaking third eye on my forehead.