TV Temptations: A Different Kind of Shopping Guide

You already know that I'm a sucker for "As Seen on TV" products.

Of course there is my ardent affection for the Scrub Daddy, which is Shark Tank's biggest success story ever. That little scrubber is amazing AND cheerful. I love to give them to friends in my modest imitation of Oprah: "YOU get a Scrub Daddy!" "And YOU get a Scrub Daddy!" I love how it never gets smelly, and it works differently in hot and cold water.



But did you know that we used another Shark Tank product to transition Baby Andrew out of his beloved swaddle? The Zippadee Zip makes him look like a cute little starfish, and it gives him that extra security and snugness he craves.

Today I was in my happy place, Bed Bath and Beyond, and when I looked in my cart, I realized just how many products I use are from infomercials, shopping networks, or Shark Tank. There was this potato pocket thing Margaret got me last Christmas, knowing my love for fun gadgets and of course POTATOES. Who wouldn't love a perfectly baked potato in 3 minutes? It works so well and it's easy for her to use.



Then there was the Veggetti Spiralizer  I bought for myself and as a gift. Margaret has so much fun turning zucchini into noodles, and at only $20, how could I resist? No one is going to make me think zucchini tastes like pasta, but I love to saute a bit of garlic, onion, plus "zoodles" and serve with pasta sauce. I also use it to slice potatoes for soups.



Today I bought Tim a My Pillow, because he is always stealing mine. I say to him, "Did you take My Pillow" and stage whisper "trademark" because he is a patent lawyer and I think that's pretty funny. He's getting his own for Christmas so he will leave mine alone.

A lot of these products I learn about on TV but then order online at Amazon or buy in stores like Bed, Bath and Beyond.

I remember my first TV purchase, way back in the 80's. I hesitate to tell you, but it was the Gut Buster, a spring loaded contraption guaranteed to bust my "gut." We didn't even call them abs back then. I don't know whether it worked or not, because I never tried it. A few years later, I unloaded it at a garage sale. I'm happy to report I'm one of the few who never ordered a Thigh Master, courtesy of Suzanne Somers. They are always springing up on the thrift store shelves, but I've resisted thus far.

What about Huggable Hangers? Total game changer in my closet, and the generic ones work just as well as the name brand ones do. And Joy Mangano's My Little Steamer means I'll raise yet another child who doesn't know what an iron is.



During times of pregnancy insomnia I learned all you would want to know about the Shark vacuum, and I'm very happy with mine.

The list goes on to skincare, jewelry, even flip flops.

I've been beyond thrilled with 90% of the products I've purchased that I first saw on TV. I couldn't tell you about the Ped Egg, though, because as soon as I bought it, I became too hesitant to use it on my callous-y feet. I was nervous I'd cut myself. I told Jack, "I think I'm afraid of my Ped Egg" and he fell on the floor laughing, and said, "Mom! I love you!" Oh, and remember the post when he also thought it was pretty lame when I bought a $5 knock-off of the As Seen on TV Shake Weight? Never used that one, either.



Which brings me to the 10% of products that have been an utter failure for me. Almost all of them, like the Gut Buster and the Shake Weight, are exercise-related. I try to avoid buying these products because I know they will just gather dust until I get rid of them, amid shame and self-flaggelation, which appears to be the only kind of exercise I engage in on a regular basis.

But today, when I was at Bed Bath an Beyond, there was something tempting right up front at the register. For only $39.99 I could purchase the Simply Fit Board I've been eying it ever since I saw the cutest, fittest, grandma inventor demonstrating it on Shark Tank. After all, I want to be cute and fit, and I already feel like a grandma.



At the last second I hoisted it into my cart and handed over my 20% off coupon. It was heavier than I thought, so perhaps THAT was my workout for the day.

SOOOOO, do you think I should return it NOW, or wait until I wrap it and unwrap it on Christmas morning?

--affiliate links are above for your convenience, just don't tell me if you buy a gut buster--

Pump it Up? Shake it Up? Take a Nap?

Just got back from a fabulous Girls Day/Night Out with college friends. Because it was a mere 100 degrees, we hung out by the pool. Imagine my surprise, nay consternation, when all 3 of my friends were sporting bikinis and rock-hard bods.

In general, I am not one to begrudge (too much) others' fantastic bodies especially when they work hard at it. But when these girls and I became friends, in like, 1987, suffice it to say we weren't exactly hard bodies. Or at least I don't think so, although the big hair, Navajo sweaters and shoulder pads might have prevented ultra-close inspection.

And here we are, over 40, when I'm ready to throw on my comfy pants and throw in the proverbial towel, and they do THIS TO ME! Classic bait and switch I say.

So what would any self-respecting couch potato do when faced with extra summer pounds and insanely buff friends? Would she put down the apple pie (a la mode!!) and go for a fitness walk?

No, not this one.

I decided to take the kids to the glorified Dollar Store, Five Below, which basically means "We charge you $5 for stuff that should cost $1."

And what did I buy?

Something called Pump2Fit-- a plastic bar bell that promised me "Sexy, toned arms in just minutes a day!"

I could sense something was off, but I could have sworn I'd seen this miraculous product on an infomercial at some point and that it would transform my flabby, Cafeteria Lady arms (sorry Mrs. Winklebaum) into "ROCK SOLID ARMS!" as the box proclaimed.

Speaking of boxes, the kids suggested I might want to keep the box so it would be ready, intact, for our next yard sale. Such moral support, I tell ya.

I was reasonably confident this product would transform my arms, nay-- my life, until I came home and saw a CVS ad touting "The Shake Weight."

Crap.

That was the one from the infomercial I'd seen, and the one I had purchased was a flimsy, non-shaky imitation. I went to the Shake Weight website and saw some mildly erotic demos of how "The Shake Weight" could tone my arms. A quick glance pretty much made it clear that the only weight the "Pump2 Fit" was good for was a paper weight.

Oh well.

As I was reeling from the discovery that I had not found my own personal fountain of youth, 12 year old Jake, who will hitherto be referred to as Captain Painfully Obvious, summed it up thus: "So what you did was buy a cheesy dollar store imitation of a cheesy infomercial product?"

Grasshopper, you are correct.

Well at least Molly and her friend Kelly are having some good old-fashioned summer fun using my precious "Pump2Fit" to make fake infomercials. And to think that at their age, we used to play dolls.

I think I'll join a gym.