Friday, October 19, 2018

Pain: Royal, Growing, and Otherwise

When Meghan Markle and Prince Harry announced their pregnancy on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, it struck some as quite insensitive. I get that, I do. Social media can be a mine-field when you are grieving, and seeing such happy news all over the place when you are feeling the pain of your own loss can be devastating. I have felt that many times.

It reminded me that even in our depleted state, grievers are often the ones who must educate others about being aware and sensitive. People don't know what they don't know. Those who shared their pain about this topic helped spark important conversations and encourage future understanding for not just the royals, but for society in general.

It sure would have been helpful for a trusted advisor to have suggested the royal couple wait a few days to announce the pregnancy, but on their own, Harry and Meghan did not know enough to know better. In fact, I would hate for them to know better, because if they did, perhaps that would mean they are one of the many, many couples who have found out the hard way what so few talk about-- that miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss happen. A lot.

But what about me?

I can't give myself a similar pass. I was so excited about Meghan and Harry's news that I posted it right away on my An Inch of Gray Facebook page. About a minute later, upon realizing the date, I took it down. I didn't want to cause grieving parents more pain on my page, a page that I hope is a safe place. In the same way, I understand if some bereaved parents have had to step away from my Facebook page because of frequent Andrew pictures, something I didn't "get" before Jack died.

My wish is that NO ONE would know the pain of child loss. But since I DO KNOW, it is my responsibility to do better. To be more sensitive. To acknowledge. And to help educate those who just don't know.

Children's Book Update:

A Hug from Heaven is available NOW from Mascot Books and for Preorder on Amazon! It is a wonderful gift for a child grieving the loss of any special person.


Theresa said...

Ordered a couple of copies of your book this morning for kids that lost their mom/aunt. Praying it helps them. Thank you for writing and sharing your story. -- Theresa

Sharon in Indy said...

You're wonderful, for so many reasons that are evident in this post. <3

NanaDiana said...

Hi Ann,
I just sent a link to your blog to one of my daughter's friends that lost her little boy Jack very unexpectedly a while ago. I never thought to make the connection before this, I am embarrassed to say. It has been very, very hard on their family. Her dad was my girls' high school principal and her mom ran the office at the school. Her name is Renee and I hope she finds you.
Thank you for all you give back. xo Diana

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I also posted the news on Facebook. I was so happy for them. You are right, they didn't know but I should have know better. I had just had several days of fear running through my mind. Actually that day our daughter in law was in labor. Because of my handkerchief ministry the whole pregnancy was difficult for me because I do know that not all pregnancies turn out happy. She was already 9 days past her due date and the number of stillbirths goes up. Thankfully she was induced and at the hospital where our grandson was being monitored. First sigh of relief I have had since we found out she was pregnant.

Brendy said...

In fairness to them, it's not a UK day.

Brendy said...

In fairness to them, it's not a UK day.

Unknown said...

It is heavily observed in the UK these days though. Nearly all the British mothers of young children I know (including myself) took part in the Wave of Light.

Personally I don't think they had a choice - they were waiting to announce but because she's so slim she was showing enough for people to guess after the wedding which was a couple of days before.