It was a mash-up of emotions for us as we launched Margaret to high school on the 8th, which is the same day we lost Jack four years ago. Aren't you so proud of her for boldly stepping into this new phase of her life? We are!
We felt the prayers sent to lift us up and appreciated all of your messages of support. On the 8th, Tim and I stayed home from work, looked at pictures, and cried. Then we went out to lunch, and cried. It was good let ourselves do that. By the time Margaret got off the bus and needed to head to her field hockey game, we felt strong and ready to cheer her on to victory.
I was going to try to describe the sense of lack we feel, with Jack not being able to drive Margaret to school and show her the ropes. Of not having loud boys in the house anymore-- a band of brothers looking out for her. But it goes beyond the words I have. I must admit for those of you who have juniors in high school, which is what Jack would be now, I am NOT missing the stress of the workload he would be experiencing, but that's the only thing I'm not missing, that's for sure.
I guess my thought for today is that Jack is still Margaret's big brother.
I don't know how it works, but I know it's true. So when you remember him, in your heart and your mind's eye, could you try to picture him as a 16 year old, not a 12 year old? Because Jack hated to look young for his age, I find it a cruel irony that he has been frozen in time. As we move forward every day in hope, let's bring him with us, not leave him as a little boy.
The new image will be hazy around the edges. There will be blank spaces, as we don't know what changes he would have experienced as he grew. But we do know that Jack was an excellent son and brother. We do know he relished friends and laughter. So it's safe to bet there would be cute a instagram shot with Margaret jumping on his back for a photo op at the first home football game. We can picture him laughing beside us on the couch as we watch TV. Or cracking up at Charlie's puppy antics. We can also imagine there would be ups and downs. Maybe he wouldn't even LIKE us very much right now.
But there would be love. There IS love. We know enough to know that, don't we?