Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Power of Words

Last week I got three very nasty comments from an anonymous commenter who attacked my character big-time. I've taken them down because I don't want to get in a peeing match here, and because they made my sister cry. Peeing matches are never worth it. I will say the commenter called me hurtful names, by far the kindest of which was "glutton."

So last night I found myself eating an enormous bowl of ice cream and chasing it down with Oreos. I don't even really like Oreos. I had been eating non-stop all day, but when I put Margaret to bed I went back to the kitchen looking for something, anything, that would fill me up. "What's going on? Am I getting my period?" I wondered. Nope.

And then it dawned on me. The words, which I tried not to let sink in, were somehow getting inside me. I had been called a glutton, which at first seemed utterly laughable, but now I was acting like one. I think she meant it in a figurative sense, but try telling that to a stomach full of Twizzlers. And glutton was by far the most innocuous thing she had said about me. What about the others? Were those hateful words seeping into me, making me doubt my worth, as the commenter hoped?

Maybe.

It made me think about words.

And how when a teenage boy carelessly labels a girl a slut on Facebook or through the rumor mill, the girl starts to see "slut" when she looks at herself in the mirror. "Why not act like one," she wonders,  "if everyone already thinks I am one anyway?" What about other words?

Lazy. Stupid. Ugly. Despised. Unreliable. Incompetent. Worthless.

What about Bad Mother? (Sometimes we call ourselves names, too.)

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Martin Luther King, jr.

I don't have much to write today, but I want to leave you with a few words to put in your pocket and pull out when you need them:

Beloved. Beautiful. Smart. Worthy. Wonderfully Made. Cherished. Capable. Kind.

 


211 comments:

1 – 200 of 211   Newer›   Newest»
Sarah said...

I think you are fabulous. Just the way you are.

juli said...

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think your strength and perseverance during this dark time in your life is inspiring. And sharing your story is a beautiful and selfless thing.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that somebody lashed out and hurt you. I had a similar experience during a difficult time. Your blog is generous and insightful and has helped countless people - myself included.

noexcuses said...

I'm sorry that someone felt it necessary to call you names. I know what it feels like to stuff bad things down with food. You caught yourself and realized what you were doing. Words have no power unless you allow them to have it. Kudos to you for turning it around with some positive words!

Anne said...

I come your way via Momastery...and have found you to be a raw, truthful, and beautiful writer. I won't say "don't let hurtful words get to you" because they do. But please read all the positive comments again, and remember your supporters far outnumber one crackpot.

Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said...

Why is it so easy for those hateful words to get so deep into us? Yet, those beautiful words, the ones you ended with, are so hard to own. Something similar happened to me several weeks ago, and I let it get to me too. Until I realized that that person was winning, Satan was winning. I couldn't let that happen! Thanks for this reminder!!

Sharon said...

You are an amazing person! The fact those commentors could only post anonymously says it all.

Thanks for always sharing so honestly.

Deepa said...

Dear friend, I have been reading here regularly ever since the accident. Your family has been in my prayers. I have been blessed by what you have shared on your blog.One verse that has been on my mind and that I have been mulling over is this:
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" - Prov 4:23
And related to that is this:
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" - Phil 4:7

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear that someone would say anything hateful to you. I know that you have helped me and numerous others every single time you write. I look forward to your posts and think of you as a friend, even though we have never met.

You are an amazing woman, Jack and Margaret prove that.

Hugs, Theresa in Colorado

Anonymous said...

I wanted so badly to write all sorts of mean things in response to that poster, but I know that this forum, Jack's mom's blog, is not the place for that.

Thanks for showing up again, it is always an honor to read your writing.

Sharon said...

Thank you for always sharing so honestly. I am so sorry for such uncompassionate comments, the fact the commentors couldn't attach their identity speaks loudly!

katrynka said...

I'm so sorry that someone had to take their pain and anger out on you. I'm so sorry for what has happened to your family, but you write about it so eloquently.

Simone said...

This is the first time I've "unmasked" myself and posted as anything other than Anonymous, because I did not want to be associated with the coward who wrote those terrible things about you (which I did read, and they were beyond horrid). I'm sorry for the world that someone that hateful exists, whether they were an Internet troll or, God forbid, someone you actually know. However, this is probably the classiest reply anyone could ever have come up with. Kudos for looking the monster in the eye and refusing to be cowed.

Wanderlust said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you, Anna. Words are indeed powerful, they can both wound and heal. When I read your words (which are beautiful and healing and uplifting, even when they describe something so tragic), these are the words that come to my mind, to describe you: brave, honest, loving, generous and open-hearted. Take care, and try to let those other words slide off your back. x

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, I am incredulous that someone would write hateful things on your blog. So I am letting you know how much I appreciate reading your blog and I think of you often during the week. I pray that the Lord will bless you and your family. LauraC

Not Just A Blonde said...

I'm so proud of you for taking those ugly words down & am sorry so sorry you were hurt by anonymous. So often how we judge others has nothing to do with them & everything to do with our own pain... so anonymous is either hurting greatly or a sociopath... or both. You are fabulous & I'm so grateful for you & your sharing, giving, connecting, beautiful soul. You are amAzing. Love.

Anonymous said...

i love those last words you posted -- as those are the perfect words that i would use to describe you. i've only been blessed to know you through this blog, but it's evident what a beautiful soul you are. yes, words are powerful, and your words have made such an impact on this reader in california. thank you so much for continuing to share your powerful words with us. you are truly beloved, beautiful, and so incredibly generous.

Kathy said...

It saddens me when people are so hurtful. I think they need to feel powerful. You are an amazing woman! I appreciate your more powerful, positive word list. I read your posts, rarely comment but you are in my thoughts and prayers frequently.

Stephanie said...

I think you are amazing. It shouldn't surprise me anymore but the grace with which you face your days inspires me. You are an advocate for you daughter and the least judgmental person I know. Watching you allow Margaret to be who she is helps me to accept my kids as they came to me. So in my book, actions have spoken far louder than words. And thank you for the reminder to be careful with my own words. If you'd like, I'll go kick her in the shins, just saying. ;)

jms said...

Anna, I don't know you aside from this blog, but I think you're a fantastic writer and a great mom. I suspect that this was a "drive-by" commenter--someone who doesn't even read the blog but gets some sick pleasure from posting nasty things on blogs--probably multiple blogs. I doubt it was at all personal. This person probably said the same thing to some other blogger five minutes after dumping it here. Not sure if that helps at all... but just know that your real readers don't think those things. We admire your talent, humor, and strength.

Recovering Church Lady said...

Oh man, this post caused the angry mama bear in me to rise up and want to go find anyone who would send mean words to you. What in the world is wrong with people??? Argh!
Purge the words my friend, do not allow them a fraction of a second of time inside you. You know they are lies, so what is the opposites of each of the words she dumped on you? Grab those as truth! Love you Sweetie.
Susie

burtonkat said...

Any person who would leave ANYTHING other than a positive, uplifting comment on this wonderful blog is clearly.... well, not worth your time or hurt feelings. (I was trying to be "kind" there, lol). I know how impossible it can be to just "forget" hurtful words, though, no matter how hard we might try. You are an inspiration, and a beautiful writer to boot.

That is all :)

Jen D said...

I love reading your blog. You are brave, smart, talented, and a wonderful mother to Jack and Margaret. You are a gift!

Anonymous said...

You are amazing, smart, talented, and a great mom to Jack and Margaret. I love reading your blog!

melissa said...

How could someone write something horrible to you......there are sick people in this world........

anymommy said...

Incredibly important words (the ones at the end).

I have this coffee mug that I insist on using every morning; it's ancient, my Dad gave it to me the day I started law school. It says "Illigitimi Non Carborundum." *"Don't let the Bastards get you down" in Latin. My day isn't right if I don't sip my caffeine fix from that mug. I don't know why I'm telling you this. Except well ... yeah ... try not to let the bastards get you down. xoxoxxoxo.

Laura said...

Trolls like that (known or unknown) thrive on stirring up trouble and seeing how many comments they can get in response to their nastiness. What a sad way to go about their days.
I was happy to see that they were quietly deleted, but so sorry to know how much your feelings must have been hurt.
Thank you for the pocketful of words ~ each one, I think, being synonymous with "Anna."

Ellen said...

I had a similar experience that I was having a hard time getting past. I saw this quote on fb and it made a huge difference for me.
"The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human being. It's not a statement about you."
You have shared such personal and sacred feelings. You have shown that sometimes grief is messy. You have been "real" about your struggles. I personally feel honored that I have been able to follow along on this journey of yours.

Camille said...

Dear Anna - Thank you so much for your post. I must admit to feeling protective of you even though you don't know me from Adam. So although my first instinct was to serve up a knuckle sandwich to your online attacker, I will say your beautiful words made me reconsider. Thank you so much for such a lovely and much-needed sentiment - that person mustn't feel many of those nice words you left us with, but I have to smile when I think of what a gracious reply from you might mean to such a person. Thank you so much for being so brave to come back here - you are such a blessing to me.

Kiri said...

Thumper from Bambi: "If you can't say somethin' nice, then don't say nothin at all" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJUP1UU6gok

Rebecca said...

Long time lurker in New Zealand (!) and I am outraged that someone would insult you via this blog. You are fabulous, honest and brave. What I like is that you don't pretend that everything is okay and your blog about Margaret hating you (vandalised the photo) made me laugh out loud and apart from David Sedaris that hardly every happens!
Keep on keeping on.

Judy said...

I find it interesting that someone left hurtful comments after your last post, "deep" because that post was so challenging to me. It has caused me to look at whether I keep people at a distance rather than going "deep" and being real. To post hurtful comments to that reveals that some people would rather keep people at a distance by saying hurtful things, maybe? So I just wanted to thank you for challenging me and causing me to grow and learn. Words can definitely be weapons and I would rather dwell on the positive words you have left for us to contemplate. I see you around town...someday maybe I will take a leap and say hello and choose to go deep rather than keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you for being vulnerable by having this blog.

Anonymous said...

I just can't imagine why anyone would leave nasty comments to you. How hurtful and plain out wrong in all aspects. I'm so sorry that happened.

Martha said...

What you've managed to do with your beautiful response, Anna, is transform "anonymous" into that tiny, shriveled, deformed baby creature that was Voldemort's remaining bit of soul after Harry took him down. Wicked brilliant!

Mel said...

Oh, Anna, what a beautiful reaction to such an ugly situation. It's hard for me to imagine why any reader would attack you like that, but I hope she or he is reading those words and finds some that are desperately needed.

Annabelle said...

John 1:5 NKJV

And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.

Not Beehive said...

You are a glutton--a glutton for class, grace, and strength. I can't even speculate why lunatics would leave nasty comments but I am so sorry you were hurt.

Rach said...

The trolls come out and leave pain and hurt in their wake. It's awful when it happens and I've often thought of no longer allowing anonymous comments. However, as I've moved further down the road in my journey, many folks have left me (I'm okay with this) and have taken the trolls with them.

I'm SO sorry. No one should EVER be called names or have hurtful things said about them, most of all, a grieving mother.

You write what is in your heart and soul and do it so eloquently. Thank you for that. You are a beautiful being and deserve praise for your bravery in being so "real".

Thank you for those beautiful words. The MLK quote is one of my favorites.

Many hugs.

Donna said...

Another word: "Rocks." As in, "Anna Rocks!" Anything negative anyone posts here is about THEM and THEIR issues, not you. I don't even "know" you and I love you and pray for you. Thank you for sharing and inspiring!

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing and strong person. Please pray for the person who posted such hatred because they really and truly have hate in their heart. They are to be pitied for that person does not know love or kindness.

twingles said...

Isn't it terribly sad that people who would probably cower before you in real life can hide behind their computer? They probably spend the day trolling websites, looking for places to expend their vitriol.

jenalan said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anVweXDcxhA Words by Hawk Nelson. You are a beloved Daughter of God.

Anonymous said...

You are lovely. I'm so sorry someone has been so spiteful purely for their own entertainment.

Xxxx

Christy said...

The troll who left you hurtful comments must be in a lot of pain herself. Not that that is an excuse - FAR from it. But I feel sorry for her. I feel worse for you and your sister though. You know that I know how hurtful those anonymous comments can me. Why can't people just abide by - if you don't have anything nice to say, ZIP IT!!!!!

I love you. I love your blog. I love your sister. I am so sorry some asshole caused you pain. xoxo

Kasey Galentine said...

Wow. I have recently gone on (and forced my daughter to!)a social media blackout (fb and instagram) because my 13 year old daughter was seeing the true colors of some "middle school mean girls". I know kids can be mean without social media but I think it perpetuates it. I guess some adults never outgrow the middle school mentality. I'm sorry you had to read such hurtful things. That commenter should be ashamed.

KTG said...

I think you are genuine, humble, and beautiful. I am now a follower of your blog by way of "best mom blogs" search.
Your words break my heart sometimes, in a good way. If you are ever in New England you have a place to stay at my house.

Liz said...

First time commenting here, but I have been reading for a long time. Not sure how anyone could find ANYTHING within this space worthy of criticism or hurtful words.

Lisa said...

Anna- I am so sorry that someone was so mean to you. This person apparently has some serious problems. I hope you know there are more people here that Love you and your family very much.

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

A dedicated, nurturing and loving mother. An excellent homemaker. An educated woman. A fantastic writer. A thinking type. A forgiving type. A loving wife.

Someone I would love to befriend and (be befriended by) in real life.

That's what you are.

All my love,

K x

Diane said...

I'm bewildered as to how anyone could read your heartfelt words here and come away with that opinion of you. You are a beautiful inspiration to me and(clearly) to so many others as well.

zcan said...

I really hate bullies, but anonymous bullies are the worst cowards out there.

You are amazing and brave. You are dealing with the worst life has to offer with grace and courage. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I love you, my friend.

zcan said...

I really hate bullies, but anonymous bullies are the biggest cowards of all.

You are dealing with the worst life has to offer, facing it with courage and grace. You share your heart with all of us and that shows incredible strength. I love you, my dear friend.

Betty: Reflections with Coffee said...

In the words of The Help: "you is smart. you is kind. you is beautiful". Your words are also smart, kind and beautiful. Thank you for sharing Margaret, Jack, your husband and life with us. You touch us in more ways than you know -- classy and sensitive even with your deep pain.

Kyra B said...

Anna, my mind is boggled... How in the world could anyone have anything negative to say about YOU? You are the essence of strength, courage, tenacity and love. You are witty, reflective, REAL and a true warrior. May you know that you are surrounded by love, admiration and gratitude (as you are an inspiration!) by so many people all over the world.

In Maya Angelou's "Letter To My Daughter," she says, “"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." May you know, remember and never forget how very special you are.

Pamela said...

Clever, witty, fun, stylish, beautiful, thoughtful, insightful. You!

Meri said...

Here are some more words...
Brave, compassionate, caring, supportive, real, honest.

I am so sorry that we as human beings have the capacity and 'need' to want to hurt others, whether its to make ourselves feel better, or just to hurt a little less.

Sharmaine said...

Anna, you deserve all the kindest words in the universe because you are so compassionate and thoughtful and talented, and we enjoy your gifts so much. I can't believe someone would be so hurtful, but I am so glad that you fought their darkness with light.

Thank you for your strength, and please remember that you are loved and not alone.

Momza said...

"Words are sacred."--Jeffrey R. Holland
Anna, you know that the ugliness spewed upon you is undeserving. Don't absorb it, let it go. Hold onto the truths that you do know about yourself...those things that matter from people that matter. You are loved.

Jenn Marshall said...

You are amazing. A few months ago I only knew you through your blog and now today I'm lucky enough to be able to say that I know you in real life and you are so real, down-to-earth, kind, loving, accepting, and brutally honest and these are only a few of your beautiful traits as a person. This post was incredible because although you allowed us to see how the words affected you, you were able to recover from the hurt they caused you to turn the experience into something inspirational for your readers. I love that about you, Anna. Chin up. You are a much stronger and braver person than that coward who left the mean comments. And I'm honored to call you my friend.
xoxoxo

Kate said...

Anna, I am a quiet but devoted reader who looks forward to your wise, often profound posts. I am so sorry that there are nasty, mean-hearted people out there who love trying to bring others down to their level. But I had a question/idea. When this happened to a wildly popular quilt blogger that I follow, she set her blog so you couldn't leave an anonymous comment. I don't know how to do it (I'm mildly tech illiterate) and I don't know if there are reasons NOT to do this, but I just thought I'd put the suggestion out there. You sometimes see nasty comments out there by Anonymous, but it seems people are slightly less inclined to denounce others when they are forced to step out from behind that nasty tree! Jack and your whole family are in my prayers daily!

SWW said...

God is speaking to me, through you, right now. Right now.

Peg said...

I always wonder when I see that a blogger has deleted a comment. I thank my lucky stars some days that my readership is so low that I have yet to receive any trolls. I've gotten a few comments that I disagreed with, but nothing that was hurtful. I'm waiting for the day that someone tells me to suck it up and that lots of people have five kids and don't whine as much as you.

I think you're great and love your honest writing. You rock!

Anonymous said...

I am a quiet reader of your blog. I have never commented or left any sort of message. After reading your post I was so upset. You have opened yourself up to the world to expose your pain, sorrow, happiness and triumphs. It is sad that someone takes advantage of that exposure to project their own judgement. Judgement on a person that has only gave themself to others. You have shared the most painful heartwrenching feelings a mother can experience. I hope you know you and your family have touched my life. Someone you will probably never meet. But through your words and powerful writing you change peoples lives. You are an amazing, beautiful, insightful woman and mother. And shame on someone for taking advantage of that.

Patricia said...

What must be wrong with a person who would post hateful words to someone. What do they get out of doing that ?

Although I know we should try and feel pity for a person that would do such a thing - it's hard to feel anything but anger.

I guess there are bullies everywhere, best we can do is ignore them.....

luv2run said...

I would like to bitch slap that anonymous writer cause she apparently had to hid behind what she thought. Chicken!!!!

I think you are only the greatest, wisest women I dont really know but wish I did know more personally!

Your beautiful, wise, smart, adorable kid maker, awesome writer, and cherished by many!

LUV2RUN

Gina said...

Anna,

I understand how words can hurt even we don't know the person and they have no real input into our lives. I just love how someone has the balls to post hateful comments but make themselves anonymous. Ridiculous!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this. You showed grace and dignity, and I feel sorry for the person who needed to lash out. If she doesn't like your words she can stop reading them, but instead she choose to put her negative energy into your space. You must have hit a nerve or reflected something that she didn't like about herself. Or, she's just an angry, sad little person. Either way, keep up your good work!

kateypie35 said...

I just fear for humanity. It is depressing. Bringing up children in a world where humans can be so vile and nasty - it scares me. That's all.

Jana said...

I have followed your blog for quite a while and just love your honesty. Please understand that there are very unhappy people out there and this forum just allows them to spew forth their poison. You help so many people in your ability to share honest and and sensitive emotions. Satan will always try to trip us up. Just know you are protected. Keep up the good work.

kateypie35 said...

I fear for humanity. It's depressing. Bringing up children in a world where people can be so vile and nasty? It scares me. That is all.

Melissa Cheney said...

It never ceases to amaze me that humans can be so cruel to each other and kick someone while they're already down. I'm so sorry this happened--it wasn't deserved.

You are so amazing and strong. Thank you for YOUR words of strength and kindness. You never fail to inspire me each time I read your blog.

Haters are always gonna hate, no matter what you say or do, so do what my dad always taught me: "Consider the Source" (or 'CTS' for short). It helps keep things in perspective.

Keep on keepin' on--you're incredible.

Laura Perry said...

and here are some for you: Brave, Thoughtful, Talented, Generous, Open Hearted, Resilient, Amazing.

I don't understand what would drive someone to be cruel like that, but it made me think of a Taylor Swift lyric (I have a thirteen year old girl. It's required.) "People throw rocks at things that shine." You shine, Anna.

{sue} said...

Right back at you, Anna. You are wise, loving, thoughtful, gifted, spiritual, inspiring and a fantastic mother. And I'm so sorry that a few stupid WRONG words have such power - but I know that they do. We all have cracks that words like that sink into.

Although this is hard for me to say, I hope that whatever is empty in the person who left those comments - whatever caused that meanness and ugliness to spill out, is somehow healed up and filled.

Peace and love to you, sweet Anna!

Kara said...

Oh, Anna. I'm so sorry someone wrote hateful things to you. I'm not sorry I didn't read them, because it would have hurt my heart deeply. Reading through all of the comments, you must know you are loved. You must know that sharing your heart, sharing all of the lumps and bumps and beauty that go with being human, is a gift. Reading your blog has been one of my favorites for almost two years because it helps me feel less alone in the world, and because it encourages me to love others unconditionally because I never know what they're going through. Sending your love from across the internet. xo Phillipians 4:8

Anonymous said...

I love your blog and it always provides wonderful insight for me. I'm so sorry that happened to you. And, of course, the inner negative stream of words that we hurl at ourselves is often worse than what others say to us. Either way, keep showing up day after day and doing what you do. It is right and good.

Anonymous said...

I am absolutely amazed that anybody could spend time on your site and have anything negative to say about you.
It made me think: WTF? Sorry for being crass--but, seriously? That has to be one unstable person.

I learned we can't make everyone like us. For people pleasers, this is difficult to accept. Some people will hate us. People that don't know us personally hate us right now. They see us at the gym or walking the kids to school and for some reason they file us in their 'do not like' category. Maybe we remind them of somebody or something that rubbed them the wrong way. Maybe they don't even know why. It's undescribable. Maybe they are bitter and angry about something. We'll never know.

I do know that we have to just 'keep on, keeping on'. Did I just right that? Yuck. Anyways, try your hardest to stop thinking about it when you hit that 'delete' key. I am sure this won't be the last negative commenter you encounter (though I really hope it is!). My husband's grandfather's motto was" "Don't let the bastards keep you down!"..with a fist shake. I always think of those words and they make me smile.

Big Hugs, NoVa Mom Jen

tracy said...

I love you. xoxo

Lisa C said...

It's a lesson we all learn much too often. There are cruel people in the world.

Choose love.

We read your blog because you share who you are. You share your grief and you give others hope that there is a way to carry the pain but still live.

Much love, Anna.

Anonymous said...

I did see one of the comments and felt that the commenter was actually describing herself. What was said was truly describing her behavior. And, I didn't think it described you at all. I think you handled this in a very classy way. I was actually starting to get worried about you when you hadn't posted in awhile and was hoping you weren't letting those cruel words interfere with your blogging and sharing. This is YOUR space - you say what you want. We are only guests here.

Dawn Brower said...

My friend,
I can't even imagine who this person was. They have no clue as to what a beautiful person you are along with Tim, M, and Sweet Jack. Remember that childhood rhyme: sticks and stones may break my bones but names will NEVER hurt me!
Love you friend,
Dawn

Anonymous said...

Ugh! At first as I read this, I couldn't believe it was possible that someone could post hateful words directed toward someone who has obviously suffered so much pain...but then I remembered trolls are all over the Internet, and the more shock value they get, the more powerful they feel. I'm SO sorry this happened to you, Anna. Thanks for taking down the comment (I didn't see it) and for leaving us with such sweet, inspiring words instead. *HUGS* -- Carrie

theworldaccordingtojean said...

I was just thinking today that there are some really strange people "out there". I will never grasp how people can be so mean. And I'm sorry for you that one of them found your blog and decided to spread more hate. And I admire your response (well, not the ice cream and Oreo response, exactly)and I will think of it and try to emulate it the next time someone does something mean to me or someone I love. So see; something good will come out of this experience. I love reading your blog.

ashley said...

Eight more for you, Anna: Brave. Funny. Intelligent. Nurturing. Eloquent. Insightful. Inspiring. Valued. Honest.

~Ashley in Louisiana

Life is good! said...

I cannot even imagine what or why someone attacked you that way. I just want you to know that I love your words, your life story you share with those words. Keep on writing those words down, you are amazing!

Anonymous said...

So many hurtful words on many boards and forums lately. Some nasty comments attacking bottle feeding moms on a Baby Weaning FB page the other day. After reading a beautiful blog from a runner who is inspired by new runners who are starting a weightloss journey I noticed many mean comments and aweful name calling. Then there was an entire FB support page for a family with a sick baby taken down because people were bringing so much judgement and negativity. I don't know why people are so harsh. It would almost be comforting to say it is the power of anonimity but I am afraid people can be mean in person too.
As always Anna please know that as painful as your own journey is, you are not alone. Your fans love and appreciate you. Thanks for your courage to write and share.

Lee Anne said...

I am so very sorry that a bully saw the need to attack you. I know how mean, hateful words can hurt, even when we try so hard not to let them affect us. I love reading your blog and please know how many supporters you have who feel nothing but love and compassion for you and your family. Thank-you for sharing your life and challenges.

Steph said...

I'm so very sorry you were hurt by the troll's words (thankfully I didn't see them). People's capacity to hurt others never ceases to astound me. I love your writing and wish I had a fraction of the grace that you exhibit. Wishing you and yours peace and love.

Rachel said...

What a beautifully written response. You are amazing, Anna. I've been reading for over a year and I'm constantly amazed and impressed by your strength, courage, honesty, and compassion. Thank you for continuing to write your truth, and for sharing Jack with your readers.

Jen said...

Anna, I rarely comment here, but I check for posts daily. You are wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, a great mother, an incredible writer, and a teacher to all who read here. Thank you for continuing to share your words with us.

MaryG said...

The idea of anyone saying anything so hurtful to you is bringing tears to my eyes right now. I am grieving a different sort of loss right now, but still one that was shocking and has been very painful, and I find so much comfort in your blog. Please take care and know there are so many who support you. I'm sending kind thoughts to your sister, as well,I'm sorry this despicable person brought pain to you both.

Julie Warwick said...

So sorry some bozo got under your skin - and your sister's. Your words are always so thought provoking and filled with love I cannot imagine how anyone could find anything bad to say. Lots of love.

Jessica Ridgway-Barnes said...

I LOVE that you can incorporate humor into your blog even when others throw stones at you. I believe that individual has some inner-demons that are causing him/her to lash out at the vulnerable. Do not take those comments seriously; keep doing what you're doing and say exactly what comes to mind. Many of us are learning from you and you are changing lives. I have never met you but I want to be your friend. Even if you do not really like Oreos. Smiley face to you! Jessica

Jane said...

Oh those words can sting, maybe even more from someone who hides their identity from you. I think of you and Jack daily, Anna, and I wish I was still living in NoVA--I would chase you down and hug you and hug you and hug you. Then I would ask you to be my friend, because you seem just like the sort of honest, strong, vulnerable, witty, humble, real person I would want to hang with. Hoping that hole is filled with the love your commenters leave today, and that you can start to heal that part of your heart that was wounded by unkindness.

Anonymous said...

WTH???? What in the world is wrong with people?? I so rarely comment on here, but just couldn't stay quiet on this one. Anna - you have touched SO many lives in such a positive way with your beautiful words. But it's not just that you are a great writer. It's that the beauty of who you are as a person comes through. What you have been through is every single Mother's absolute worst nightmare and beyond (because most of us don't even allow ourselves to "go there"). You have opened yourself up and shared your thoughts and pain and hope and love with all of us strangers and that is a GIFT. How anybody could attack you is so beyond me. I know it would get under my skin too even if I know the things being said aren't true. I am so, so, so sorry this happened to you. Yet again, you share yourself with us and send us a positive message. Thank you, Anna.

Julie O. said...

I also have been a "quiet reader"...I've never posted a comment until today (although I've wanted to so many times). I think you are amazing, inspiring, and beautiful inside and out. You have touched my life in profound ways and not a day goes by that I don't think of Jack or check your blog hoping there's a new post. I am often baffled by the ugliness that people spew under the shelter of anonymity and I'm so terribly sorry that you found yourself the target of such cowardly bullying.

The Empress said...

Always meet darkness with light. It's the only thing that's worked ever since our world was created. I love you, Anna.

annasmw said...

I too am an Anna and have been reading since Glennon mentioned you on Momastery. I am saddened at the cruelty of those who clearly have fear as part of their personality as they won't put their name to their words. You are helping so many with your words and I hope the overwhelming positive messages outweigh the painful ones. The harsh words hurt, but hopefully lots of loving words can heal!

Anonymous said...

Here's a comment for anonymous: hiding behind an anonymous signature is uncool, cowardly, small. If you have a problem with someone, email is NEVER the place to address that. If you don't like what is being said, just stop reading the blog. Anna, I am glad you are human and open about your life.
Hugs,
Sandie Brown

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a long time, but have never commented here before or on any other blogs for that matter. I also did not read the awful comments some hateful person left you but just knowing someone would do that to you made me cry! Know that I pray for you family often and think of Jack often as well. You are an awesome example of how a Christian should handle something like this!

Lady Jennie said...

Hi lovely Anna,

Let me just state the obvious here and say you are full of life and light and I love you a lot. So what if your treasure is in a pot of clay like the rest of us - your grief has only revealed your inward beauty more clearly. And nothing anyone can say in a moment of spite will cause the rest of us to suddenly doubt that.

This made me think of 2 Tim 4:14 "Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he as done."

DeeBee said...

How on earth could anyone call you down? Your work here is crucial. I adore you more than most people I've never met.

Jen said...

I will never understand what makes some people feel the need to reach out to a stranger and try to tear them down. What is the point of that? Isn't there enough hate in the world? Do we really need to go out of our way to create more?

How ANYONE could criticize you and your blog for ANYTHING is beyond me. You have shared nothing but real, honest feelings and sent out nothing but messages of love, hope, faith and healing. I hope you continue to do so, despite the negitivity you've encountered.

And I hope those terrible words are offset somehow by the positive and loving words you ended with. Those all apply to you. I hope you are able to believe it.

Lisa said...

I'll never understand why people have to be such trolls. Ugh!

I love your response, though. That MLK quote is so powerful...and your last, inspiring words on this post are what truly matter. Hugs!

Ellen Jones said...

I’m so sorry, Anna. As someone who has known you (in real life) since 1976, I know what a wonderful, loving, brave, funny and whole hearted person you are.

I saw Brene Brown on Oprah’s Soul Series and she had a similar experience with negative anonymous comments (people calling her fat, ugly, etc.); so she watched Downton Abbey for 10 straight hours and sat on the couch and ate, but then she read the quote from Teddy Roosevelt (I’ll post it below), and realized that the anonymous commenters weren’t really in the arena like she was – and like you are - actually showing up and helping people (both you and Brene) with your words. So, she decided that what they had to say didn’t matter until they were willing to own what they said, and get in the arena.

Anyhow, I love you, and as one commenter said earlier – Anna, you are fabulous, just as you are. And we all love you and love reading your blog.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

“When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make,” says Brown. “Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.”

“I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles. You have to know that I’m trying to be Wholehearted, but I still cuss too much, flip people off under the steering wheel, and have both Lawrence Welk and Metallica on my iPod.”

Melinda said...

You are beloved. Made by God. Known and loved by God. Those are words for you and for everyone Also, some words just for YOU: Inspiring. Beautiful. Brutiful. Lovely. Funny. Kind. Good.

Nikki | Days With Us said...

I've read your post a couple of times this morning, and I keep coming back to your strength, your courage, and although I do not know you, I find myself protective of your words and your heart. This post is beautifully written although it is in response to something negative. Your words, here and now, speak volumes to your character and your sophistication. I'm sorry you had to endure that non-sense; however, be proud that so many people stand by you, by your blog, and by your writing.

Dee H said...

I am SO mad for you!!!! Let anyone walk in your shoes for just ONE minute and see if they can survive! I hope that you will be ok and can forget about this. This person is not worth your time or energy. Sending you love and support from Connecticut always.

Meredith Self said...

Truly a light in the darkness. What an insightful response.

Brave. Witty. Real. Loving. Wise. Resilient.

Anonymous said...

Squeezy hugs to you and your sister, and many thanks for your positivity.

also: I LOVE Oreos. But please, keep me away from them!

love,
jbhat

Shenne said...

Dear Anna,

Your response shows you are as thoughtful and generous as the troll is cowardly and cruel. Yes, the words we choose to use, and to believe, matter. Thank you for sharing such beautiful ones. You are an alchemist who somehow takes pain and sorrow and transforms them into compassion and grace. What a gift.

I was going to post the Roosevelt quote from "Daring Greatly," but since someone already shared that, here's some lyrics from one of my favorite musicals, Wicked, instead.

"I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!"

Have a beautiful day, Anna.

Sending love from California!

Sharon Lane said...

Oh, Anna! I am so sorry that anyone could be so hateful as to leave you mean comments. What is wrong with some people? Just know that whoever left those comments is the one with the problem. Not you! I have so often been amazed about how much GRACE you have. Much more than I will ever have. By what a LOVELY person you are. By what a LOVING MOTHER and LOVING WIFE and LOVING FRIEND you are. By how SELFLESS you are. By how STRONG and BRAVE you are. By how GENEROUS and GIVING you are. By how WONDERFUL you are to take such a tragic, unfathomable loss and turn it around to try to help others. Please let these words sink in Anna, because they are the real TRUTH of who you are.

XOXO - Sharon

NBO Momma said...

You are Amazing. Beautiful. Kind. Brave. Strong.

And looking at these comments, so very, very loved.

Jori said...

We all love you!!!!

Kerry S. said...

I'm so glad you posted about this so we could all give you a group HUG.
I wonder if those commenters were unthinking teens or just total trolls.

It just makes NO sense for anyone to try to hurt a mama who is already hurting so much.

I'm so sorry those comments happened.
If that person is a 'real' person they must be in terrible pain themselves to lash out like that.
I still don't understand it.

You are real and true and you are boldly uncovering a way and sharing your journey with us. You are wisdom and love and I know Jack is so proud of you.

Group HUG Anna

One crazed mommy said...

Ya know - it blos my mind that people can be so petty. But I have learned that people can say anything as long as they have anonymity - no one knows who they are, right? Also, people are only mean to others when they feel threatened, jealous or something along those lines - I know it's hard not to do, but don't let them get to you! From what I have read on here not only are you beautiful on the outside, but on the inside as well. It's amazing how we can read so many kind words day in and day out, but it's that one hurtful comment that seems to hit the hardest - hang in there and know you have many people in your corner!

Kristin said...

Anna, I've never posted before and don't know you personally, but I find myself coming here when I have a quiet moment. I did read those comments, and was heartbroken at the pain they would cause you. I have been worried about the silence since, and was relieved to see this post. Please know that I think you are a wonderful person, and it shines through in your writing.

Theresa said...

I'm blown away that anyone would have the nerve to ever put you down in the least little way. You are AMAZING in my book. Don't let some twit bring you down, or gain 5 pounds from oreos!! You are beautiful in every way. Happy Mothers Day to you this weekend - I know it's a tough day for you, but you are an amazing one. I hope you find peace and feel the love on your day.

Gayle said...

I am sorry that a coward hiding behind "anonymous" felt the need for name calling.

Your writing is very honest and sincere and painful to read. I can feel your struggle in every post. But if I didn't want to read it, I would just not read it.

Absolutely senseless to try to hurt your already broken heart.

Salvimom said...

Dearest Anna,

Like my kid's grandmother would say: 'The Devil is a lie'. We all know how much 'he' wants to ruin any space of goodness or Godliness that is out there. Anyone with any sense will see that you are such an amazing and encourage person, not to mention a wonderful writer. But I know that since your ordeal, you have reached a certain level of prominence, and I sincerely believe that you will continue to. I believe we will all be reading your bestseller soon. I say that to say this: steel yourself because the haters and trolls are coming. And they mean NOTHING to you. Thanks for all that you share, it takes so much courage, and we that love you feed off of your courage. God Bless You always, and you know very well that He will always flood you with light. Love, prayers and hugs.

Ury

Befriending Faith said...

Lovely, Anna.

And so true. And so important to remember as we head into Mother's Day weekend.

"You is kind, You is smart, You is important." - The Help by Kathryn Stockett

This is important not only for our kids, but also for ourselves.

Happy Mothers Day, Anna. Thanks for helping to guide our way.

Anonymous said...

When I think of you, the words that come to mind are honesty and inner strength. Don't let one person change your perception of yourself. There will always be couch critics. The hateful words they spew are a commentary of their own insecurities and issues, not yours.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Matthew 5:11-15(NIV)
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
((HUGS)) I am so sorry that people have said hurtful things to you.

Betty From NJ said...

Anna,
I, too, am a quiet reader of your blog as well. I think I may have commented twice since I was directed here from the awesome women behind "Rants From Mommyland".
I am so sorry that someone took out their rage on you. You open your heart to us every time you write leaving yourself vulnerable...and for someone to throw that in your face and say hurtful things is just unacceptable.
People suck.
Stay strong and know that we, your faithful readers, are 100% behind you.

~Betty

Beth from Vienna said...

Speechless at the cruelty of others. I don't know you, yet live only blocks away. I think about you every day. I look at those blue ribbons every day. I talk to my sons about Jack and your family at least once a week. You have grounded me. You have inspired me. You have brought me closer to my family and made me a better more present mom. I'm grateful for you and I love you.

Anonymous said...

Kind.

Funny.

Insightful.

Graceful.

Vulnerable.

Honest.


I'm so sorry that the words got inside you. How true it is that words are powerful. You've made me feel better, because there have been times in my life when people have said painful things, and I've taken them to heart, even though they weren't true. I felt bad for not being able to just ignore it. This reminds me that taking something off-base personally can happen to anyone, because words are powerful.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, sometimes people are foolish. You don't deserve that with all you have going on. Know that you are cared about, I don't know you, but I read your pain in your words. God Bless you and your family. Peace. Mary in NY

Marley C. said...

I am sorry that someone attacked you in your comments last week. I always think people are cowards who do that. It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up to the world in a blog and risk people that that saying bad things and it takes even more courage to write about that EXACT thing happening. Don't misunderstand me, I realize you aren't perfect (who is?) and I'm not saying people can't give constructive criticism but if people don't like you or your blog, they should just move along...no need to be mean. Try to remind yourself that they are clearly unhappy people who try to spread that to others.

Stefanie said...

Anna,thank you for the gift of those uplifting words -- I'm going to put those in my pocket to take out when I need them. I think we have enough negative self-talk without needing it from other people, so smart of you to remove them from here. Now go put those words in your own pocket and purge the ugly ones.

A Morning Grouch said...

It's amazing the power words have over us, children and adults alike. I think you're right, when someone is told something over and over and over, they internalize it. It takes a pretty strong person to recognize this and work on actively NOT letting it affect you. I hope the ice cream was tasty, at least.

Laura at Ms. Smartie Pants said...

praying you can let this go, so many more words have been said that you need to keep (hugs) :) funny my word that I have to type to prove I'm not a robot is chicken, just what I was thinking about the lady that sent that awful comment!

SanDee said...

I needed that today...Thank you...you ARE amazing...

heather blair said...

Brave. Compassionate. Smart. Witty. Talented. Beautiful. Caring. ...those are my words for you today, friend. Only soak in the good ones. (hugs)

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Brave, honest, earnest and FULL of grace.

Gigi said...

I will never, ever, ever understand why some people feel the need to be so hateful.

You deleted the words from the blog - now delete them from your mind; because you KNOW they weren't true and we know it.

Sherri Newman said...

Got any more twizzlers? I'll come over with some wine! :) Hugs!

Beth said...

I was wondering what you were up to when I hadn't seen a post in a little while, and was excited that it probably meant you were working on your book! I'm so sad to hear that someone hurt you in that way, and hope it doesn't impede your writing.

Your writing is so wonderful and speaks to so many because it is REAL and it is RAW. Unfortunately, the blog format makes is so much easier for people to give feedback that has the power to ruin someone's day with a keystroke. You wouldn't get that with a book.

For each bad comment, there are thousands of people who have been touched by you, and Jack, but mostly YOU and your grace and honesty. I only became aware of your blog after Jack died, but I have loved going back and reading your previous posts, laughing and shaking my head along with you. Only honesty can do that!

There is nothing wrong with gorging yourself sometimes. It feels good to wallow, and some days are just like that! My problem is I never have anything delicious to gorge myself with, so start contemplating the peanut butter jar and a spoon. Not pretty!
Big hugs.

Beth from GCM :)

Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co. said...

Well Anna, you know that people like that have serious problems of their own that have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. But sadly that doesn't take the sting out of their mean words. I'm so sorry you were on the receiving end of that!

Anonymous said...

You don't know me. I stumbled upon your blog and read it often because I think you are amazing, funny, honest, insightful, and simply flat-out awesome. Even though I have not experienced the kind of tragedy that you have, I can still very much relate to you and I wish I could find the words to say how you inspire me to be a better person and mother.

Like I tell my kids, someone can say the sky is polka-dotted, but that doesn't make it true. People say all kinds of things to relieve their own insecurity. Just tell them to go look in a mirror and say those same words - that's where the real truth will be.

You are truly beautiful :)

Princess Kate said...

I'm not going to lie, I took those terrible words personally. I was devastated that you had to see such an awful example of humanity. As always, you handle yourself with class and grace. I'm proud of you for writing this post. Prayers of peace and comfort.

Kim said...

Words sting. I have been hurt by them myself many times. Sometimes the ones that hit the hardest are from strangers online. I have often wondered why that is, and then I realize it's because someone, who I don't know, has the ability to shake my confidence in myself, my parenting, my marriage...whatever it is they are attacking.

You are right though - darkness doesn't get rid of darkness, only light. You are a light to so many, yet you still need the light of many. Tonight I hope to be that light for you. You are beautiful, wonderful, amazing, and strong. No one knows the pain of losing a child unless they have done that. No one understands what it means to "get through the day and nothing more" until they have had to do that. I have done that and know how hard it is. I know the pain of moving on (something you never really do). I know the pain of having a forever hole in your heart.

You have done the impossible and are now giving a beautiful legacy to Jack. Hold on to that. Hold on to the countless parents you are helping. Let that be your light - you are amazing, don't ever forget it.

OSMA said...

Yes. Galaxies of light from every corner of your universe.

Words do have power. But so does Sitemeter. :)

We love our Anna. Love happens here, mean can go on ahead to therapy by itself.

xoxo

Catherine said...

Anna, I am so sorry that someone took the time to be hateful. I just don't get why some people want to spend their time hurting other people, and honestly, I think everything about your blog is beautiful, honest, and wise. You are right . . . words are powerful . . . and really a reflection of ourselves. Please shake the ugly comments off - so many of us love you and your words to pieces!

ella said...

Anna, so much love here. It makes me smile. I'm feeling much less stabby than I was when I originally read this earlier this morning.

Marta said...

I think of what I say to my kids. About how people who say hurtful things do so because they are hurt on the inside. Except that doesn't really excuse the behavior, because it still gets to us. Still hurts. I'm sorry someone did this to you.

Jess said...

three words:
you. are. awesome.

wishing you light, joy, and positivity. <3

Anonymous said...

Thanks for those GOOD words! You are so human, it's what draws us to you.

Anonymous said...

There are always going to be negative people in the world. I come to your blog because I too have lost loved ones, and sometimes your words make me hurt less. My sister died 19 yrs. ago today of ovarian cancer at age 42yrs.old. My wonderful father with a pure heart & gentle spirit just passed on Apr. 29th. Don't quit touching others. We love you & God bless you, Sherri

Anonymous said...

PS My heart goes out to your sister, also. I didn't see the comment with the word that starts with the letter "g", and you haven't talked much about your sister, but she sounds like a strong, caring woman of deep faith, someone of integrity, with a lot of common sense. I imgaine it takes a whole lot to shake her up and make her cry. I'm so sorry for her pain. I'm glad I didn't see it, or I'd be feeling, in the words of someone above, "stabby."

God bless you both.

Anonymous said...

I've never commented here before, but just wanted to say:

People can be asses, love 'em anyway.

Oh, and pardon my French. You are the last person on the internet warranting any negative feedback.

Kind, honest, transparent. That's you.

Shauna said...

Good word! I NEED to remember that. Thank you. I am sorry that happened to you. I am so glad God gave you insight to TRUTH! Sand on it and keep showing us what He's showing you!

Janet said...

Wow, I am floored that someone could think a nasty thought about you, let alone write it in a comment section. From this reader, I think you are an honest and beautiful writer whose strength I feel when I read your words.

I love the MLK Jr quote - thank you.

melissa said...

Listen anna........if anyone does it again please leave the comments up so that we can all see them and really let loose on them..........

Melinda said...

That person that said those hurtful things to you...Is just sick!

Anonymous said...

Ok, I have not commented in a while, but I keep up with your blog and continue to think of you often. That someone would attack on a place where you have poured out your heart makes this mama mad! But I know that God is using you and your story to help so many. Thank you for sharing so honestly and know that you continue to be in my prayers!

Allyson in Alabama

Adrienne Kerman said...

Here are three words: Mean People Suck. My favorite bumber sticker ever, because it's so true and simply said! For you, Anna.

xoxo Adrienne
http://www.mintsinmymotherspurse.blogspot.com/2013/05/sticks-and-stones.html

Allison said...

It is really sad that some people have nothing better to do with their time than write hurtful things to others, like you. You, who are being brave and sharing thoughts, memories, and ideas that have truly touched so many people! Apparently sending negative comments, looking for the shock value is a by-product of the internet. A friend who lost a young son not too long ago received hurtful messages from a stranger thousands of miles away, within 24 hours of losing her boy. People say and write things to get a reaction out of us, to hurt us, to just be mean. Please rise above the comments and do not change a thing about you or your wonderful blog. Do not give that mean person the satisfaction of thinking they swayed you to not be YOU! Know you are SO loved!

Christian said...

I hope you put all of those kind words in your pocket, too, because you are all of those things. I have always been someone who cares an awful lot about what others think of me, even though I wish I didn't. When I was little, my mother very wisely would say to me "Not everyone has to like you". It sounded strange at the time, but now I say it to myself a lot to try to remember I am not here to make everyone happy, just to be truthful and brave. You are truthful and brave and that might scare some people who are not ready to be that way. I hope they find some peace. I love your blog and I am so grateful for you and your writing - you help so many people.

Anonymous said...

Hi Anna.

I'm not sure if I've every commented before, but I've been falling in love with you for several months - reading An Inch of Gray, holding you in my thoughts, and allowing your story to help me question and learn about grief in meaningful ways. I want you to know how this post made a difference to me. My son (18) has struggled with depression the last couple of years, and high school has been a bit of a roller coaster - academically, mentally, emotionally. Today, he texted me a snapshot of his most recent interim report, with the message, "Look at that gorgeous interim wow so beautiful." I didn't respond at first - partly because I know the kids aren't supposed to be on their phones at school, partly because I wasn't inspired to say anything, but mostly because I was enjoying a few "Me-time" moments of catching-up-on-favorite-blogs (truth). And that's when I read your post. And I knew that I wanted to say something to my kid. So, I texted, "It is nice to see good grades, but better to know that they reflect self-respect and self-love. Yes, I am allowed to say schmaltzy sh%t to you; I am your mother. And, I mean it. You are worthy, capable, beautiful, and cherished. No matter what."

My son appreciated my message, and I appreciate you, deeply, for helping me stay connected to what's important in life. You are a beautiful writer, Anna, and that beauty is a reflection of ALL the qualities that make yours a voice of kindness, and honesty, and accountability, and wisdom - to me, and so many others.

I am so sorry that you, your husband, and your daughter, lost a cherished son and brother to a tragic accident. I can't imagine how difficult it is for the three of you to carry on, in love, and FOR love, without Jack. That's exactly what I see you doing, though. With love (and all the messiness it entails) and integrity, you carry on, helping others do the same.

You ROCK.

xo Joey

Jackie A. said...

I'm sorry someone decided to post ugliness. I really don't understand why people do things like that and even though your head tells you that they don't know you and their words should mean nothing, it still hurts your heart. I think you are an awesome writer and a terrific Mom!! I know your blog has helped me be a more patient and grateful parent. Keep writing!! There are more people who support you and think highly of you that those who are mean.

Carey H said...

I love that you shared this! And I need that mug. :)

S in LA said...

I am disgusted that anyone would actually write a nasty comment to you as they did. So sorry you had to experience that. I hope you are able to leave it behind and realize that your blog does help others. You and your family are wonderful people! Take care in knowing that someone all the way over in Los Angeles keeps you in their thoughts.

deb said...

Anna,
I read your posts all the time and I think you are wonderful and strong!
I have a blog too and just today (before I read your blog), I was writing about kindness and compassion and their importance. I would be honored if you would read my take on this subject. Here is the link:
http://honorasian.blogspot.com/

Whitney said...

I think you are awesome. I really needed this today. thank you Anna.

you are amazing.

Amie said...

Anna,
God will give you peace in those moments.

Try to delete the words from your mind.

Aimee said...

Well. Words are powerful things, and you use them so well. I think it's remarkable that you've responded to petty unkindness and cruelty with warmth and love and compassion. That says so much about who you are, and it inspires me. Thank you.

Momobug said...

Oh Anna. I am so so sorry that someone did that to you. You are the better person, by far. I find that insecure people attack from every side, at the most unexpected times, and when we are most vulnerable. It is because they have fallen victim to the deceptive appeal of Satan himself, in desperate hope of becoming SOMEONE. Stay strong, Anna. God bless you.

julie said...

I've always loved how you can put your thoughts so beautifully on paper (or a blog).... and again, I'm so impressed with your ability to see this situation for what it is....
just words that aren't really intended to you personally but rather it's probably what the women feels about herself, which is sad in and of itself!

good job in eating your way through it...sometimes that's the best way to handle such things, I would have too, only I do love oreo's!!!

IrishRN07 said...

We rarely regret taking the high road...and yet I so rarely take it! ;) Thank you once more, Teacher.

xoxo
-Maureen

PS: I still think Liz and I could take her! Say the word. ;)

Nindi said...

I've missed you. I'm so glad you're back. I had no idea that someone said ugly nasty things on your blog. That is an indication of how unhappy they are and has nothing to do with you. I look forward to your posts and I've been so disappointed that you weren't posting. Don't ever let anyone quiet your voice. You are an inspiration to so many women. You're story has touched so many people. Jack and his blue ribbon hang on my fridge and I think of you and your family often. Never stop speaking your truth.

Kristin said...

I think you are amazing and inspiring.

Janet said...

Oh Anna, I'm so sorry someone said something so hurtful to you. You are so kind and brutally honest, you set a great example. And you have been thru so much already. Who heaps abuse on a grieving mother?!? As others have said, clearly this was about the poster's own issues.
And to paraphrase Brene Brown, Don’t try to win over the haters. You’re not a jackass whisperer.

Kristibella said...

Anna, let me leave you with a few words to draw from...remarkable, strong, lovely, giving, healing, gentle, mother, friend, real, honest and warm. Much love coming out to you.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry that someone called you names, Anna. I am sad that they upset you, but I am the most sad for them, because they must be coming from a terribly dark, sad and lonely place to have done such a hurtful thing. You, and they, are in my prayers. Love, Dayna

Ann-Mari said...

The first post I read on your blog was when ou wrote about the day you lost your son Jack. I cried, and my eyes have teared up many times since that reading your words. But I have also smiled and felt the strenght and grace of your words enter my world.
This also made my cry, because reading your blog has made me think of you as a friend (which might sound strange, because you didn't even know I excisted until now - or, in fact you did - I am one of all women/ sisters that are connected through this strange new media, connected through words, life and love. One of many women who recieved your kind words and took them to heart - cherished!) and I hurt when a friend of my hurts.
Reading through the comments on this post I realized most comments where about love and light, not giving attention to the commenter with the hurtful words...so, Anna, you are doing just that: driving out darkness by spreading light.

carolyn said...

You have made yourself vulnerable by opening all of yourself to us -- in ways that have made me a better parents and person and it looks like plenty of others as well. You didn't have to do that. Your blog is an act of radical generosity, and I, for one, am thankful for it and for you.

Dawn said...

Thank you for the beautiful words at the end. And hugs.

Arnebya said...

There is a quote whose author I cannot remember but it was: I decided to take the high road because the low road is way too crowded (this is as close as I can get to the actual quote since I'm sure time and vodka have made me screw up the words. But that's the gist.)

Isn't it amazing how others can make us question ourselves, our worth? What I adore about you (among many, many things that I adore about you, Anna), is your ability to take on pain but give back love and light. It is unfortunate that the world has people who feel the need to purposely hurt another person. Even if the commenter felt that way, what purpose, other than to hurt you, did she have? Your choice of words is much more valuable.

Anonymous said...

You are amazing and beautiful!

Tiffany Hebb said...

Anna,
You are so loved. Its very obvious by all the comments. Its crazy how a hurtful comment can make such an impact.
Its crazy that someone would even think of hurting someone who already has extreme hurt and pain....so sad.
You are kind, you are wise and you are loved!
It actually looks like form the comments and your words this negative thing turned into a positive thing... xoxo

COKim75 said...

Thank you for your honesty, openness, and just showing up. Your words highlight this "brutiful" life as G says.

carolyn said...

I'm commenting a second time because I just haven't been able to get the cruelty of this out of my head. Anna, I wish I could stop mean people but that is hard to do on the internet. You are so brave, but you are dealing with so much. I try to never, never give advice, but have you thought about having a friend or trusted other review the comments before you read them and delete anything that is hurtful. (I'm glad you deleted the comments yourself and I am glad I didn't see them.) Again, sorry if this is unwanted advice but I am feeling a little helpless again the Internet and A&F and have come to care about you and your family deeply even though we have never met.

Anonymous said...

"be impeccable with your word" - Miguel Ruiz (The four agreements)

I'm not one to read the self help genre, A few years ago when I was going through a very difficult time with infertility (I was suicidal), my sister sent me The Four Agreements). Be impeccable with your word is the agreement that still sticks with me. In a very simple way it makes the reader conscience of the the effect that words can have on people and the environment. They can be like a virus. Ever since, I've not only been very careful with my own words, but also very careful with the words of others. Is this a rumor? Is this negative? What am I going to do with this information? I highly recommend it.

Please know that the commenter's words are not really about you. You're doing just fine mama! =)

FDC said...

I love your blog so much. I hate the fact that someone who you don't even know would write such hurtful things about you. Some people just suck.

People in your life can intentionally or accidentally hurt you with their words, leaving scars that take time to heal. Words of humiliation, mockery, judgment, criticism, etc. may take their root deeply in you. Each time the memory surfaced, you find yourself angry, ashamed, bitter, and hurt. How can you heal from these hurtful words that are so deeply embedded in your mind to free yourself from perpetual bitterness?

Pray for healing. God is the greatest Healer of all and there is nothing too great that He cannot give you. When your struggle seems overwhelming, humble yourself before God and ask for His grace to give you the emotional freedom you desire. He will give it to you according to your faith.

God Bless you and your family. Happy Mother's Day.

From Winnipeg, Mb Canada

Michelle DeRusha said...

It's seriously crappy that someone called you a glutton and a whole other slew of bad words. You keep writing and sharing whatever words fall off your fingertips and out of your heart, because we are reading and loving you.

Princess Kate said...

This morning, I was running around like a crazy lady feeling sorry for myself because I felt overwhelmed. THEN I saw a Jack ribbon on the back of someone's car. It made me focus and remember what is truly important.

You are loved and thought about A LOT.

Anonymous said...

Returning to let you know that I'll be thinking of you this weekend, in case you don't do a Mother's Day post. I think it was your sister who wrote that one of Jack's special gifts was appreciating other people's joy, without the jealousy or insecurity that many might feel, and making that into his own joy. That's such a rare quality, and I'd like to be more like that, myself.

Happy Mother's Day, Jack's Mom.

Heidi said...

I would have done the same thing, filling up with food, eating my feelings. You handled this with class and grace. I think this is what happens as a blog and its followers grow - you have fabulous, kind people that visit and then you'll have the jackasses. Jackassery does not belong here. And a jackass's words definitely do not belong to you. You are light and love, my friend.

Susan said...

I am floored that someone would post anything negative on here. Your words have definitely touched me, always in a good way. Love.

Brown46545 said...

I love your writing and your honesty. I am glad you're back. I missed you and your spirit.

Happy Mother's Day weekend to you. Jack is surely sending you his love.

Mel said...

Anna, I read often but hardly ever comment. I think you are an amazing woman. You write so honestly about your painful journey. I truly believe you are doing such a service to others by being so honest and open. Don't let the words of one person get you down. Know that many, many people appreciate you, your family and the fact that you are willing to share your story.

Christen said...

What a sad, sad person to write such things to someone who is so obviously an incredible, strong, funny, loving woman. I can think of a word for said anonymous too- ha ha!

Good for you for deleting that nastiness. This blog is such a special place to share words and her negativity has no place here.

Pattie said...

Well it is obvious that " person" is an idiot... You are so real, honest, and positive . You are the person I come to to help me find my faith. You are a gift to me..

Auntie Mip said...

Here are a few more words...

Mother, nurturer, love, kindness, capable, racously funny, intelligent, articulate, broken, grace, faithful, joyful, agony, repair, restore, hope, heaven, Jack, Margaret, Tim, Family, forever!

Dear one, as we approach yet another Mother's Day I am drawn to this space. To hear there has been an assault sickens me. But I am always reminded that love wins. It is stronger than hate. It shines through darkness. It compensates for weakness. It fills the void. It pumps the heart. It is the very essence of motherhood. Remember on this Mother's Day and every one here after you are loved. One small, insignificant, shallow and hopeless person cannot diminish love.

I am thinking of you tomorrow and praying Jack finds a way to show his love all the way from heaven.

Mimi said...

Anna, I honestly am so angry that someone would say something hurtful to you, especially through your blog. I honestly can't imagine a single negative thing to say about you. Keep your chin up mama. My friend always quotes Rihanna of all people, she says "haters gonna hate, gotta live your life"

Meg McCormick said...

Trolls can suck it. Don't let them get under your skin.

Ellen aka Ellie said...

I don't know how I missed this post. Oh wait, yes I did, I haven't been reading any blogs with any regularity lately.

I'm not angry with the person who left comments, I'm just perplexed. How are you a glutton? I don't want to beat a dead horse (or an anonymous commenter), but that's just weird.

BTW, Oreos are horrible, but if I had them in the house I'd eat them.

Favor? Now that you're using comment moderation, will you remove the word verification? I'm not a robot, but I have a dickens of a time proving it!

Tere' Maher said...

Oh my. Glutton? Never. I have been off-line for a bit - but glutton? Obviously you are stronger than that. You are beautiful. Your family is beautiful. I do not see glutton or anything else negative. Not ever. Not only are you beautiful, you are a gift that opens people's minds and hearts to be better than they have been in the past. I love that, and that is why sooo many keep coming back. Hugs and a prayer! Lots of them!!!

Anne said...

You and your blog are fabulous.

Kristina P. said...

I will punch them in the ovaries!!! Send me to them!!

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