Friday, August 12, 2011

What's in Anna's Head

So I've written before about some of the crazy stuff that goes on in my head.

Like when I wake up and think maybe, just maybe, I've lost 10 lbs in the night. Then I step on the scale and become, well, genuinely disappointed.

How if I get an email or a phone call that indicates that someone "needs to talk" to me, I immediately assume I'm being fired, chastised, blamed or upbraided for some unknown offense.

Or how when I was all of 10 or 11 years old, I'd keep my movie ticket stubs in case I needed to prove my whereabouts if hauled into the police station for some crime I didn't commit. This from a pre-pubescent girl with a Dorothy Hamill haircut and terry cloth jumpsuit.

Or when I'm at an awards ceremony and hear, "The next recipient knows what it's like to grow up a poor, African-American boy in rural Alabama..." and I'll think, "ME? Could it be? Me!!"

Or how whenever someone didn't want to date me, I'd just assume he was gay. Not that this didn't happen to me a few times over the years (Hello, Ill-fated Study Abroad romance!) but it certainly couldn't have been true EVERY time. Could it?

Well, lately I'd kind of convinced myself that one of my friends, who wasn't ever available to hang out with me, must be suffering from debilitating depression, and/or agoraphobia. How else could she possibly stand not being graced by my presence or that of my charming family? Let me tell you it's kind of hard to keep this fiction going when she seems to have a rather full and fulfilling life even without my taking a central role in it.

So, on this beautiful Friday, I'm just wondering if anyone else is up for sharing some of the weird/unfounded/narcissistic stuff that pops into your head?




Zoƫ said...

Best. post. ever.

Thanks for the Friday smiles and I'm certain most of us are guilty of these things...:)

Emily said...

Well... as far as weird things I think, I regularly pull up my driveway, note that my car isn't there, and think "Hey! I'm not home!"


Autumn Vangor said...

My name is Autumn so I often get that panicked "are they talking to me?" when someone says auto, automobile, amber, etc. Anything that sounds like it could be remotely related to my name and I get all weird. Apparently I dislike when people address me. Oops. I'll make it in the business world, cleary.

Ellen aka Ellie said...

Seriously, just about every thought is like that.

BUT...I have been thinking about YOU a lot ANNA, due to the excessive under boob sweat I've been experiencing here in Lewsiana.

Ali said...

My head is a font of crazy. And I have the SAMe "I need to talk to you" impending doom. What is that???

for a different kind of girl said...

You crack me up! Here's a taste of what's in my head recently - I've been a lax Tweeter for over a month, and so apparently some of my followers have decided I've dropped it completely, so they've dropped me. I decided to punch myself in the ego by signing up for some program that alerts me via email when a follower drops me, so whenever I open my email and find all those unfollow alerts, I think "But I'm a nice person! You just don't know me! Why are you dropping me? Can I sit here? Aren't these tater tots good?' brain is still totally in high school some days...


Heidi said...

Love this post! I have all sorts of weird things, thoughts that go through my head. If someone doesn't get back to me almost immediately I'm sure they must have a problem with me even though I don't always get back to people right-away and it doesn't mean anything! It's a double standard to be sure.
And sorry I haven't been by in a while. It's been a crazy summer and all my blog reading has fallen by the wayside. Hope you're well!!

Anonymous said...

Wait, I thought the world revovled around me! If it's revolving around you, well, now maybe I can relax and stop taking everything so personally : )

I do those same things...I don't know why. It's pretty awful.


Leslie said...

GREAT post! My brain is strangely narcisistic. (spelling help?!) Last night, at the restaurant, I was thinking, "I am on fire tonight. All my tables LOVE me! They can't stop laughing at my jokes and thanking me for my awesome service. Guaranteed I'm the best server on the floor tonight." I seriously thought ALL of that. ALL night. Imagine my surprise when I walked out with $37 in tips on $300 in sales. Ouch.

My favorite was your line about an African American boy from the south - I'm VERY irrational about that stuff, too - "I'm SURE they're talking about ME!" That line made me laugh out loud. Good one!

I'm such a nice, giving, merciful person. How am I so self-involved?

trump said...

Just saying hello from the Amish settlement of Lebanon,Pa. Richard from Amish Stories.

Momastery said...

"Or when I'm at an awards ceremony and hear, "The next recipient knows what it's like to grow up a poor, African-American boy in rural Alabama..." and I'll think, "ME? Could it be? Me!!"

Jeez you make me laugh. That is the best.

Don't forget- just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out for you.

Love- G

PS. Its the typical big ego/low self esteem issue, right? Anne Lamott refers to the issue as "i am the piece of crap around which the world revolves."

love you.

Erin said...

I just found your blog and this post is hilariously honest. (I don't think hilariously is a word...but we'll go with it.) I especially like the "And this award will go to...." ;) For me, a good let's-stay-humble-now reminder is always welcome, especially when I start feeling a little too proud of myself for whatever reason.

Thanks for the smile. :)