Weekend Update

Where to commence the onslaught of randomness that will be this post?

Well, I'll start by saying one MUST NOT go to the Costume Store the day before Halloween. Not that most people with half a brain would consider such lunacy, but still. If you attempt it, you could get mauled by hundreds of desperate shoppers eager to find the last remaining child-sized Mad Hatter costume in the tri-state area.

You'll probably leave empty-handed and frustrated when you realize all that's left is one sorry looking Hannah Montana costume that is "soooo 3 years ago" and a few "teen" costumes that would make any child look like a streetwalker.

Also, please note that while having your husband out of town Thurs-Sun of Halloween weekend --and therefore not able to help with baseball, church, soccer, parties, etc-- is difficult, being home alone with a 9 and 11 year old is NOTHING like being home alone with toddlers. For those of you in the trenches of baby-hood and toddlerhood-- I send big admiring hugs to you.

Oh, and I'll guarantee that if you had decided to creep into your adolescent kids' rooms next week to purge their closets of unwanted, useless, dusty stuffed animals that haven't been played with or visible in about 4 years, you'll hear contented laughter and walk into THIS scene on Saturday morning:

CRAP.

How do they sense these things?

Oh, and if you buy a cute pair of brown boots ($7.50 at the thrift store, yo!) you might decide to pair them with a skirt and some brown tights. Since your tights and "panty-ho" supply probably succumbed to dry-rot when you traded work-wear for sweats a decade back, you might need to buy new ones.

Try not to flip when (two pairs!) of $15.oo tights rip upon first wearing. Yes, I realize they cost twice as much as the BOOTS. Kind of left me feeling, in a way, like a Panty-Ho.

And if your husband is out of town for four days, you could get conscripted into playing in the end of season "Kids against Parents" baseball game. You may already have decided to keep your cute outfit on, ripped tights and all, and forgo participation.

You're not athletic, you've just had Shingles, and this really isn't your cup of tea. You may, however, eventually give in when your son looks at you with his enormous brown doe eyes and says, "Mom, I really want you to play."

Try to soldier on when, after you strike out and take four baseballs to the gut at 3rd base, you discover he wanted you to play just so the Parents' Team would lose. Nice.

By the end of the weekend, when your kids are begging for an apple or "something fresh," you might decide that the grocery store would have been a better choice than the costume shop. Give them a Twizzler and hope for the best.

Hold your breath and utter silent prayers as you try, with one hour until trick or treating, to assemble a gypsy costume out of things around the house that will please the president of both the "Store Bought Costume Movement" and the "Fashion Police."

Breathe a sigh of relief when the costume comes out THIS STINKING CUTE and she likes it!

Well, that's it for now. The dog costume, the fact that I left the laundry in the washer for 3 days (pee-yewwww!) and tales of my bowling prowess with have to wait until another day.

Dear friends, I hope YOUR weekend was great!

And pumpkin carving? I've decided there's always next year.