B.I.V.

I had a conference with a teacher today and the whole time we were talking, all I could think about was Biv. “Biv” is a code word my high school friends and I used for “Booger in View.” We would quietly say “Biv” when one of our friends had a booger issue to attend to. This simple tactic drew no embarrassing attention to the issue, as the general public had no idea what it meant, and it has remained an important code word in my immediate family.

I haven’t used it with my kids yet because they aren’t to the age of embarrassment, and I’m afraid they might go mining for a booger in front of just about anyone were I to draw attention to it.

Well, the whole time this teacher and I were talking, I wished we were intimate enough for me to whisper, “Biv,” and put me out of my current misery and her out of her future misery. Alas, I just had to let it go. Guiltily, I thought of her going to the mirror later and tracing back through her day, wondering who had seen the offending stalactite. I tried to focus on her eyes during the conclusion of our conversation, but it wasn’t easy. When I got into my minivan a few minutes later and peered at my reflection in the rear view mirror, I had to laugh out loud—Biv.