Monday, July 9, 2018

What if the Underdog is your Under-WEAR?

I've always rooted for the underdog.

Maybe that's why I like sports' movies so much, even though I'm not into sports at all. I know it's why I brought a handful of flowers to the creepy shirtless guy who hung out in his yard next to my elementary school watching the children come and go. I'd heard he once had a job and a family, but now he just had his great dane, my crooked smile that was sure to make his day, and a lack of shirts.

I remember my mom telling me that while my gesture was nice, I didn't need to do it again.

My whole life I've had a heart for the bruised and lonely and a way of putting myself in others' shoes. Like a heat-seeking missile, I can foist myself on someone who looks uncomfortable at a party, whether or not they really need or want the attention I give. Even thrifting furniture is a small way of rescuing something from the dump and giving it one more chance.

Today I took this love of the underdog to a new level.

A new low, that is.

I've gained 15 lbs this year, mainly from M&M's and Netflix, and today I decided to suck it up and buy new underwear that fits. I grabbed a pack from a peg at Walmart, because I'm fancy that way. One pair had been pulled out and unceremoniously shoved back in. I pulled it out again, held it up to see if this new, improved size would work for me, then dropped the whole pack in my cart. The Undie-Rumpler had done me a favor by taking the guesswork out of sizing. I could have then looked for a neat, intact pack to purchase, but I was concerned no one would buy this rumpled one, and it would be relegated to the clearance bin or worse.

I'm home now, and I just pulled all 7 pairs out. The crumpled pair still looks like the right size, but the other 6 are gigantic. HUGE. Someone must have done some swapping in the store, and not only did not worry about leaving a disheveled pack as the underdog, didn't give a hoot about some poor shopper like me ending up with the wrong sizes. Sure, I've opened a pack or two in my time, to check sizes, but mix packs? Never. Clearly, this person is heartless and has watched neither Radio, Rudy, nor Remember the Titans.

With the high cost of babysitting, and my desire to never take a toddler shopping with me again, I guess I'll just keep them all. Shoving them back in the pack now would all but guarantee no one would buy them. Besides, I did just purchase two family size bags of Peanut M&M's, so I'm guessing  the undies won't be too big for long.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anna-
This bog was hilarious but the reason I am leaving a comment is to make a confession out loud for the first time-----I, too, am allergic to the word panties----really----such a lame word. Thanks for liberating me 😉

Anonymous said...

Oh my word! I love this - thanks for the laugh today!

Anonymous said...

This would happen to me.

Karen L. said...

That's so hilarious but maddening all at the same time!

Stefanie said...

This is hilarious on so many levels! It all just makes me like you even more. Eat those M&Ms till the undies fit -- I'm dying laughing!

Sue Trainor said...

You are not alone. This is so me. Thank you for sharing.

Hilary Valenstein said...

I bought my bigger underwear from amazon https://www.amazon.com/Amazon-Essentials-Womens-Cotton-Stretch/dp/B06XKSHRNL/ref=mp_s_a_1_15?ie=UTF8&qid=1531228382&sr=8-15&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=cotton+underwear+women

Mary L. Nutterfield said...

Hilarious. I need to buy some new unmentionables for the same reasons. I am going to be sure and check the packaging!

green said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

katrynka said...

You are hilarious!! I can't say as that I've ever felt badly for an opened pack of underpants!! Hey, you might be able to donate them?!

conniep said...

I just found your blog after a friend had sent it to me a while back. Already can’t wait to follow and read more. I feel the same way. I can’t help myself trying to help other people. ie. tapping someone on the back to let them know they have 3 feet of toilet paper trailing out of their pants or that their zipper is down, although I only tell women that...or the time I almost grabbed the back of a ladies jeans to rip off the 5” sizing tag that Costco slaps on every pair of pants before my 36 year old daughter grabbed my hand and said “Mom, really?” Awww....kindred spirits. I think if you go into pinterest or a diy site you could probably figure out how to make those XL undies into shopping bags or something �� maybe to hold your M&M’s? Take care! Connie

Anonymous said...

Have thought about you several times during this Thai cave rescue. It must have been horrifying and bittersweet for you. It was a rollercoaster for everyone in the world. But I'm guessing (could be wrong) that it was a lot harder for you & yours. thank god it's over.

Anonymous said...

LOL - I'm with ya Sista!! I even hate to break up a bunch of bananas to buy only what I need - who will grab that one, lonely banana? You are so sweet! We need more of you out there:o)