Friday, November 11, 2011

Isn't it Ironic?

...that Jack always wanted us to have a neighborhood Bible Study, but I blew it off. I figured that with the kid dynamics in our ‘hood everyone would end up fighting and that would be most unpleasant for the parents. The whole thing just seemed so…tiring.

But now, as a result of Jack’s death, a group of neighborhood dads is getting together every week with a pastor friend to talk about major life and faith issues?

…that we wouldn’t let Jack play violent video games or watch anything as racy as “Dancing With the Stars” on TV.

Yet, as a result of his death, we’ll be taking his 10 year old little sister to CA to the AMA’s? I have an inkling that some of the outfits and the lyrics will be a tad racier than DWTS. Any inside scoop on what Lady Gaga will be wearing this year?

…that even though I grew up in a family bed kind of household, I can count on one hand how many nights each kid got to spend in our bed over the past few years.

Yet now the three of us say our prayers, end with, “Jack, we love you. We miss you. We’ll never forget you” and tuck ourselves into one queen-sized bed?

…that when Jack was alive we severely limited our kids’ tv and computer use.

Yet in his absence Margaret is turning more and more to the TV to try to kill time in a house with no playmate and we are letting it slide?

…that a little over 2 months ago if you had asked me what I wanted, I would have said: “1)lose weight 2) less laundry 3) less running around”

And how I got all three of these things? But they suck. They really, really suck.

…that Jack never wanted to meet a celebrity because he thought it would be too awkward,

And now we are about to be wined and dined (or Coked!) by celebs thanks to the lavish generosity of Coca Cola, blog readers, and friends and strangers around the globe…possibly even getting to meet Margaret’s idol, Justin Bieber!?

And speaking of the Biebs….

[Don’t even get me started on the irony that our beloved squeaky clean celeb is embroiled in a Baby Daddy scandal (Innocent! Innocent!) right when we are heading out to see him.]

Isn’t it ironic:

…that this summer, two weeks before his death, when Jack walked by Margaret and me ooohing and ahhing over the sweetness of JB as we watched “Never Say Never,” Jack's response was, “Come on! You could show cute baby pictures of anybody and people would fall in love with him and say he was wonderful!"

And now, because of an impossible, improbable, senseless accident people all around the globe have seen you in your bee costume, Jack, and may have fallen a little bit in love with you too? Oh my goodness.

So Jack, what was up is down what was in is out. Our lives are weird and ill-fitting and and off-kilter and strange. You were a wise and observant boy, so I know the irony of all of this is not lost on you.

I guess I’ll close this post with a gratuitous baby picture of you, with love for your cuteness and oh so much more.

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have a feeling we are living this life upside down in many ways. Love your heart Anna. Love for Jack, a sweetheart I never met but now thanks to your blog posts will never forget. ((hugs))
Sandie Brown

Anonymous said...

Because of Jack...I have a calmness sorta about my mother's passing.
Because of Jack...I have a love for JB that I never..never say never thought I would..because of what will be for Maragret!
Because of Jack...I say what the johnny more than any adult should.
Because of Jack...I try to choose happiness each and every day.
Because of you Anna...I know there are no strangers..just friends we haven't met.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am so sorry I didn't know you before you lost Jack, I love your writing. Even though it is now the past that you write about with heartfelt remembrance of sweet Jack I love getting to know your family ways even through the sadness. You are the first person I thought of when I heard the Justin Bieber story hit the news. I thought why now, why couldn't the story wait! Thank you for sharing these ironic moments. ((HUGS))

Ann Imig said...

Tears today--for your gratitude and awareness and love and grief.

All of it.

And for that darling boy.

Becky said...

This was beautiful, Anna.

and p.s. Biebs is TOTALLY innocent.

mia said...

Beiber is innocent!!! Yes... It all is ironic...I too try to choose happiness, sweat the small stuff and count my blessings. I love learning more about Jack what a very special boy he was, you should be so proud!!! Thanks for your posts ... They touch me and inspire me. I think of you all the time... Prayers and hugs xoxo

Leeann said...

Jack is WAAAAY cuter than any ole Bieber baby picture, for sure.

I wonder how it feels to you to write on this blog. Is it a burden, a blessing or both? I ask because I love to hear about Jack, love to hear about this boy that I didn't know but wish I did, but then I feel guilty wishing for this if it brings you more sorrow.

Anonymous said...

A beautiful boy. A beautiful life. Thank you for sharing him through your words.

Rach said...

I found losing Hannah really helped me put everything in perspective. Upside down? The way things should be? They way things ought to have been? I just don't know.

And, yes, I totally fell in love with a bitty bumble bee Jack who is WAY cuter than Beibs ever was. :o) What a beautiful boy, body and soul.

Hugs and prayers,
Rach

Anonymous said...

What a touching post about such a great kid...he's smiling down on you all.

Yankee, Transferred said...

The image of the three of you ending your prayers that way and crawling into bed together warms and breaks my heart simultaneously.

Leslie said...

These lines of thought must be so frustrating and beyond painful. I'm so sorry, Anna.

Of course, Jack was the amazing boy he was because of the way you set up your lives. That fact doesn't help now, I know. It's just plain ironic, which sucks.

Praying for you, Tim and Margaret right now.

Anonymous said...

You are an absolutely amazing writer. I hope that writing makes you feel a bit better. You have the ability to capture raw emotions and draw thousands of people you don't know to your blog...multiple times a day. You and your husband should be proud that you raised two beautiful, smart, and witty children. I am so sorry for your loss, but so happy that your family can continue to talk about Jack and the fond memories that you all shared. As you all settle into the new reality, I wish you all continued love and support of one another and a lifetime of health and new adventures. Jack continues to impact your family and your readers.

geri said...

oh anna, i laughed so hard at wise jack's comment "come on, you could look at cute baby pictures of ANYBODY..." what a delightful and insightful comment and boy he was.

Stimey said...

Your words have made me fall in love with your boy too. The bee costume helps. But it's not just the bee costume. I've fallen in love with him because he genuinely sounds like a wonderful, wonderful kid. It's not just that you three won't forget him, we won't either. I promise.

Steph said...

What awful, awful irony. Tears for the loss of your precious Jack. I have definitely fallen for your beautiful cherub. Wishing you and your family peace (and a king size bed).

Carrie said...

I think we have all fallen a little in ♥ with Jack

Jeanie said...

Ah, life's ironies. Adorable picture of Jack. He was such a handsome boy and, by all accounts, a great kid.

Anonymous said...

Yes... we think life goes one way and it suddenly goes in an opposite direction.
We want things to remain the same but they don't.
There were things that were a definite but now they aren't.
And when we get what we thought we really wanted it isn't.
Life just doesn't make sense at times and I wish I had all the answers but I don't.
What I do know though is that you, Tim and Margaret love Jack and each other. That is the reality. Love will always dissolve pain.
Always thinking of you Anna.

Miss Stewart and Students said...

I sometimes think your other readers will not appreciate my comments. Even so I have to tell you, that at moments, this post made me smile and even laugh.

Good luck with Lady Gaga. I did wonder at the wildness of it all last week when you shared it...

Blog on sister. And yes, my love, I continue to pray for you.

Kelly said...

Wow...I can relate to your story soo much. Our son too is able to do so much more now than ever before. His sister/best friend passed away 6months ago. He sleeps with us and has unlimited tv/computer time too. And I have alot of guilt because my daughter doesn't get to enjoy this or my new appreciation for the small things. I follow your blog everyday because I know how you feel!

L said...

Love you. Hate this upsidedown life. And yes, way cuter than Biebs! (no offense Biebs, but look at that bumblebee!!). Love you so very much.

Meredith Self said...

Inside out and upside down. My goodness.

Flip flopped; blisters and all.

And yet, a constant---

--the love, the grace.

love you

New Mom said...

We do love Jack because of your loving descriptions of his beautiful life. It's like he is now receiving all the love that he should've accumulated in a whole lifetime and I so wish for your family that he could've been here to experience it. But how neat, that we "strangers" can look forward to one day meeting someone who we didn't have the pleasure of knowing here on earth. Through Jesus we are all family. Thank you for writing.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the touching post, Anna. My heart is with you.

Lindsay said...

oh that sweet Jack...SO much cuter than the Biebs. ;) thank you for sharing your heart..praying for peace and comfort for you, Tim, and Margaret.

Aimee said...

Jack sure was a well rounded/wise young man and I bet he would've had me rolling with laughter. :)

Thanks for posting Bumblebee Jack (my favorite!) again, definitely a SUPER STAR in my eyes!!

P.S. I sure hope Lady Gaga wears something conservative.

Dawn said...

I think of Jack, the young man I never met, regularly now, as do many. I think you should pull all these posts into a book. It would fund some scholarship in Jack's name.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Even though you didn't write about him as much as you did Margaret, I was always so touched by the Jack stories... And I always related to him and his caution while approaching the world.

You are all a constant in my thoughts. I love you Anna.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Bumblebee Jack defines cuteness, but I have to say, there's more than a hint of wisdom in those eyes too. I know he'll be chuckling at you all as you watch the AMA craziness, Lady Gaga and all. Hope the Biebs is innocent (but I wouldn't put money on it.) Ah well, you didn't raise him.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Anna: Tonight my family and I were with your little family at VPC wrapping boxes, and putting items in them for Operation Christmas Child - in honor and memory of Jack. Madison and I sat and watched the kids playing games and eating snacks and she whispered to me that she could not stop thinking about Jack and I told her 'me, too.' Madison went on to tell me that in DCS on the day after Halloween, the kids in the class would give all of their WarHeads to Jack. She told me the three flavors and that Jack's favorite was 'mega-extreme.' Our family was so blessed to see you, Tim and Margaret and hug all of you. I could not help but remembering when you and Tim started the Friday night gatherings when Jack and Madison were in third grade and it was 3/4 Club. You got out of your car in carpool line at DCS and were handing out the postcard invites to all the 3/4 parents in line. That group was there tonight b/c you and Tim got the ball rolling 4 years ago. The kids tonight packed boxes that will be shipped all over the world - Jack is sending ripples out all over the world...there will be children who hear about Jesus Christ as a direct result of you, Jack, Tim and Margaret. G-d bless your family -- Jack's presence was palpable to our family tonight -- may the Lord cover you all with comfort, strength and healing. I am in awe of your strength, love, poise and your ability to put your feet on the floor every day. Much love. Covering you in prayer -- Mariann Alicea

PeachPrenni said...

My God you are a gifted writer!!! The best..I mean truly amazing. I could read your words all day. And again..you leave me bittersweet with a big smile at that chubby bumble bee and a longing in my heart because I never knew him. God Bless you sweet Anna!

Jennifer said...

I came across your blog not long ago and learned of your tragic loss. I am so, so sorry and can't even begin to imagine how much you miss your precious Jack.

Not long after reading here, my 9 year old son and I were alone in the car one day, which is rare, and he said to me totally out of the blue, "Mom, I really hope I'm still a kid when I get to go to heaven."
Me, trying not to lose it because I immediately think of you and Jack, I ask him why. He proceeds to explain to me that when we go to heaven God has a mansion waiting for us. And he doesn't want a mansion that's filled with the things that he would like as an adult. He wants a mansion filled with all of the things he likes right now. Like Legos. I had to smile, because I thought of your Jack, in an awesome mansion, filled with all the most amazing Lego sets that he could ever want, and my son, who, in child like innocence, would love to be up there playing with him.

Prayers from Colorado....

Dana @ Bungalow'56 said...

He truly was one of those "cute" babies people would turn around to look at wasn't he? Justin Beiber doesn't even touch Jack in the cuteness department.

Dana

The Empress said...

I am a hot slobbering amess right now.


Life..knocked off kilter yes...how could it NOT be??

Melissa said...

Thank you for reminding me to be grateful. I cry every time I read your posts. Somehow, you, a stranger, and your beautiful family are imbedded in my subconscious, and yes, as you wrote previously, your experience is my worst nightmare. Some days I can't bear to read your posts, because they scare me so much. I pray for you and I mourn for you and your family. It all seems so unfair.

Rene Foran said...

Beautiful, Anna.

This is all I'm reduced to saying after reading your posts.

Doesn't make it any less true.

Life is a treat full of tricks, isn't it ?

Cynthia said...

Ouch it hurts so much.

Jack has made me a more laid back mom in many ways.

Love you

Lady Jennie said...

Now that is cool about the neighborhood Bible study. And what a sweet baby picture. He's adorable, but not anonymous.

Kim @ A Brush of Whimsy said...

Those eyes of his!!!

Kara said...

I truly love your writing. I love the transparency and authenticity. I can feel the weight of your pain but it is balanced by the joy of your love. Is that irony? I love that even though your little boy is not on this earth I know him through you. I love that even though I often shed tears (and laugh and howl and cringe) while reading your posts I also am buoyed by the transcendent love you choose. Still praying in our little corner of the world.

katie said...

My heart and prayers are with you everyday. How to make sense of life when your heart is broken in million pieces…I pray for peace, more moments of comfort each and every day, and that your memories of Jack stay vivid, yet less painful.

Lesley said...

You are amazing in your ability to weave such beauty and commonality through each of your posts. Your son is this wonderful, in no small part, because of who and how you are as his mother.....and the fact that you share so much of that with us can only make us all better, and kinder and wiser, and sadder, and happier and more aware of what we do with each day. Know somehow that what you put out in the world, through your love of Jack and Margaret, transforms itself as the words appear on the page into something quite miraculous

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

More hugs from Australia.

xoxxo

Meredith from A Mother Seeking said...

As always, I love what you have written. Your blog never ceases to amaze me.

I am hoping you might hook up this piece or another to my brand new Link Party. It will start tonight and it's all about gratitude, even in the most difficult times. This will be the first run!

I'd be honored to have one of your many amazing posts linked up.

Meredith From A Mother Seeking Come find me on my blog, A Mother Seeking...

Leah C said...

Life is full of ironies we can't explain; some hurt so very much and some make us smile. A profound and beautiful post, dear Anna. Made me cry, made me smile and it made me "love" Jack...the sweetest boy I never met. I think PeachPrenni put it best-- bittersweet. Hugs & prayers...

Anonymous said...

I certainly have fallen in love with him!

Laura said...

Just logging on to say I'm thinking of you and your sweet family. A family I know only through your incredibly heartfelt, humorous, inspirational, and most talented writings. Your Jack was wise beyond his years - and will continue to change the world for the better with each new person he 'meets' through your generous sharing of him through this blog.

I never actually met him - but I know I'll never forget him.
Continued prayers for strength and healing.

Nan said...

Beautiful...

needsatimeout said...

Thinking of you not much else I can say.

Laura at Ms. Smartie Pants said...

And I would add that it's ironic that the hit song right now is, If I Die Young. I think of you guys all the time when that song comes on. Actually, thought about you all day today. Just praying that your feeling the love and know that we know this is very difficult for all of you!

Heidi said...

Love you, Anna.

Susan said...

Your adventure sounds SO exciting and I couldn't be happier for your girl.
She so deserves this.
That last picture of Jack ~ I didn't need it to say I already loved a kid I don't even know. I have cried so many tears for him, it was inevitable. xo