Having 3 at our table for four was excruciating, as we tried out our "new normal" for one of the very first times.
We talked about the beef and broccoli, and I said how Jack would have probably done his whole dramatic fake throw-up thing if we made him eat it. Margaret defended him, saying that during all of those years of forced broccoli consumption, it had been REAL throw up. Ewwwww. Kind of like when we made her eat quiche.
I guess you can imagine our dinner table has not always been as...sedate...as it was last night.
Fortune cookie time came, and Margaret opened hers first.
It was a tad too "alternative lifestyle-ish" for her 10 year old sensibilities, so she passed it on to her dad:
I hope so, I sure do. Please pray for us.
Then came Margaret's new one:
Yes, Dear God, yes please.
And mine? 
Sounds about right.
Then we told Margaret about how, when we were dating, Tim and I got two of the EXACT SAME FORTUNE COOKIE MESSAGES one night.
They read, "Being Faithful to a Trust, Brings its Own Reward." We thought that was pretty cool and that maybe, just maybe, after nearly FIVE YEARS OF DATING it meant this whole "Tim and Anna" thing could work for the long haul.
We asked Margaret if she thought that sounded romantic.
"Romantic? I'd just call that budget cuts at the old fortune cookie factory!"
It's good to have laughter amidst all of these tears.
115 comments:
Laughter is a gift. (And mmm...fortune cookies) xo
Oh, Anna! I have been praying that you could laugh about something! Margaret sounds like a smart girl, even if she is a little cynical :-)
Love this. Laughing along with you...crying along, too. Praying above all.
Healing thoughts are being sent to you and your family every single day. I'm glad you had a little laughter after so much pain.
I love a snarky kid. My daily wish for you and your family is peace and love, and memories that will bring you smiles when they stop bringing tears.
The fortunes sound about right! Love you.
Thank you for sharing with us.
I laughed out loud.
Sitting here at work still, and thankful for a laugh for you, for me, what a blessing!
That girl!
That was a hilarious response! Love it.
Pam
Praying for you and your family. I hope that you and yours feels the presence of the Lord at all times. Much love and blessings in this trying time. Rest in His arms, for He is faithful.
L
Anna,
I'll bet it feels so good to have a nice laugh! Bless Margaret's little heart!
Hugs,
Kim
Loving you and praying for you all. Just want you to know I haven't stopped. Thanks for the smile.
What a little cutie! She sounds like quite the character! Everyone needs a bit of comic relief. Bless her heart. Still keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
A total stranger here!
I have been praying for you and your family ever since I heard the news about your beautiful Jack.
He has forever changed my way of thinking.
I was introduced to your blog because I am a follower of Momastery. I also have a mutual friend, we live in the same town and I teach at a school who made your family a card. I ignored my husband and two boys for a whole weekend and read EVERY POST and now its under my favorites!
Thank you for sharing your life, you have taught me so much!
A new blog friend (luv2run)
Praying for you.
Praying for your marriage.
Praying for Margaret.
Knowing that Jack is face to face with his Savior, and knows the answers to his questions.
oh, margaret sounds hilarious and like a ray of sunshine! i am still over here praying. i am also so glad you, tim, and margaret have each other. sending you a big hug and much love and prayer.
Laughter through tears--one of God's greatest gifts. You and your family have been on my mind. Strange how I had never even seen your blog, followed Vodka Mom over here at such a sad time, and now I know I'll never be able to forget you.
I'm happy to see you here again. Like everyone, I too think of you and the rest of the family daily. Carlton and I had Chinese on our first anniversary, and we got the same fortunes "Stop looking for happiness, its right next to you". Almost 10 years and he's still right there next to me.
One word comes to mind...brave. I am proud of all 3 of you for being brave and trying to attempt a new normalcy. Margaret has her mother's wit.
Anna...I know it sounds crazy to tell you how much I have been thinking about you but it's true. My heart is heavy for you. Thanks for a "normal" post.
Hugs. Julia
I have thought about and prayed for you every day. There are no words to describe the sorrow I feel in my heart for you. As I read your blog, I am blessed to witness such a deep and wonderful love you have for your family. I have told my 10 year old every night I am proud to be his mom ever since he was little. Your son was truly blessed to have been loved so deeply by you. I am sending you my love and prayers. God Bless You.
Anne
Anna,
What a gift to read your story tonight--how in the midst of so many tears, there was a reason to smile again. I've loved reading your blog, and although I've never commented, I wanted to tonight. I've been praying for you and your family day and night. I pray for your heart, your marriage, your sweet daughter. I, too, am a mom. And most of all, that's how I pray for you, one mom for another. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
She's a spunky one! Thinking of you, and praying for your heart, which I know is shattered into billions right about now.
I don't know why a little slip of paper inside a cookie can seem so... prescient... but I must admit we keep the ones that mean something. I'm glad to hear there are moments of laughter and sarcasm amidst the tears. Thinking of you.
Loving so much that you had a family laugh together at the dinner table! Praying, praying praying for the 3 of you.
We have strict fortune cookie rules. You get your fortune, no matter what it is. Although, you can tell someone else it sounds like it was for them. We act like all spooky and magical while passing them out. We're dorks.
Sorry for your loss.
laughter and normalcy rule the day. But so does the fact that Jack is coming up in all things. And he should. And he will. And I am sending you love love love.
I have been lurking on your blog, not knowing how to even begin to put into words anything that would help you. This post made me cry more than your others, for some reason. When the shock is over comes the day to day real healing and I've been praying for your family. I, too, am glad to hear you are talking about Jack with Margaret, keeping him at the table, even though he isn't physically there. He sounds like such a special guy, and unfortunately it's true when they say only the good die young. It's always the shiny kids that are taken early, but already it's clear that Jack has taught so many so much in just 12 short years. Know that I am here, another mom, trying to take some of your pain, if I can. Keep laughing, even if it hurts!
Margaret is adorable!! I'm praying for her heart so much.
And for you and Tim, and your marriage. That you'll grow strong and more resiliant through this, pull together and not apart. There is no greater loss than that of a child...
My heart is with you all.
Glad to see a new post....This is the part of grief that always seemed the hardest - not the services, not the initial shock - but the little, endless, surprise shocks day after day of the "new normal". (There should also be another word to replace "normal" - "normal" is entirely inappropriate to describe life after losing a child, I suspect...)
Your Margaret sounds great...
laughing and crying with you, always in thoughts and prayers..
Hi Anna,
Continuing to pray for your family. I am glad you can laugh. Laugh when you can and cry when you need.
Praying,
<><
Continuing to pray for your family. Lots of love.
Your loss is unimaginable. I pray for you every day. The photos and story of your son have touched my heart in an unusual way.May God bless your marriage, daughter, and you in particular.
I think I love your daughter. I think of you every day Anna.
Oh wow - your labels are - I don't even have the right word for them Anna. I'm glad you had a little laughter in there with the cookies. I'm so glad your community is feeding you - not having to think about something as mundane as dinner every night is hopefully a help. Love to you and hugs and prayers always! xoxo
Thank you for writing Anna. I have never met you but have been thinking about you, praying for you, and heartbroken for you one thousand times a day these past few weeks. I lost my brother in a tragic, senseless accident when he was a teenager and I know the pain that follows the chaos of everything. Family leaves town to go home, friends start to move on, even when you aren't ready... I can tell you though, that we are okay; my family is okay. We laugh and live and feel joy, real joy. I miss my brother everyday but it isn't so painful. My mom is okay too Anna, and even though you have a tough road ahead of you I know you will be okay.
"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." Amen to that, Truvy.
Your post was like a springboard for my heavy heart. I have so much hope for you in the road ahead. To add to Jack's verse, nothing is impossible with God...or Tim and Margaret...or Jack watching over the three of you from his broccoli-free paradise. Sending you and your family so much love.
Thank you for sharing. I've been praying for you and your family.
So you didn't tell her that you are suppose to add "In bed" to the fortunes then?
;)
I see your daughter got your amazing wit!
Take all the smiles and laughter you can get, stuff them in your heart and know they are hugs from your sweet son.
Thinking of you from Michigan
Thinking of you. Love you. Missing Jack. XOXO
Anna - I think about you so often that I'm starting to wonder if it's a form of stalking. You are always in my heart. xo
Awesome. That made my heart smile and sigh.
I just want you to know that I'm still thinking of you and your family. I hope for healing, even in brief interludes, in whatever form that takes.
Oh Miss Anna,
I'm so glad you're sharing your way through this. I think about you every day. God Bless!!
Annie P.
You are so kind to share this story with us--though we may not know you in person, we think of all of you often and that you are finding laughter through your tears is something indeed.
Ditto to Mary beth above. Lots of love and prayers, I have been reading for years and not going anywhere. I still keep thinking this can't really have happened, and praying for you often.
I agree with the speckled trout regarding how time does its slow work and eventually memories bring far more pleasure than pain. Definitely healthy and wise to be talking about Jack and not keeping it inside. (My family's unhealthy dynamic growing up.) Margaret's defending her brother's gag reflex over broccoli makes me smile. I agree with everything except Marinka's comment regarding the relative tastiness of fortune cookies. Really? Mmmm?
I love you. I'm so glad that you are still able to laugh together. Margaret is adorable and I love her too. Thanks for sharing.
Amy in Belgium
Still praying for you, every day.
Kristen
I like Margaret.
When I was struggling with the decision to get baptized (and leave my French boyfriend because I wasn't sure God could give me anything better than what I had), my future (French) husband was about to be baptized across town the very next morning after coming to church an atheist for the very time the same day as me and then studying for 6 weeks along with me.
I couldn't seem to make the decision for such a big change in my life so my friend brought me out for Chinese to lighten things up.
My fortune cookie read "Your secret desire to completely change your life will manifest itself." And I woke up the next day ready - I don't know how.
The carrying on is, in some ways, harder than the shock. Sending you love and prayers as always.
You have single-handedly boosted the fortunes of the fortune cookie industry, because all of us--strangers and friends alike--who have been following your journey and praying for you in whatever form we pray--are now so grateful to those little crispy envelopes for giving you the gift of a giggle. And, of course, Margaret is probably right. Loss of quality control at the fortune cookie factory.
As absolutely heartbroken as I am for you ... and trust me when I tell you I am .... how is margaret doing? i cant even begin to process her pain.
We are all here for you. Whether u want to scream, be angry, cry, curse at the world, laugh, hope, heal, love, remember.... we are here, to go through it all with you. And were not going anywhere.
Xo
I'm so happy that you have some laughter coming back into your lives even mixed with tears is a blessing. Praying for you all...((hugs))
What is that they say, that 'normal' is really just a setting on your dryer? Yes, there will be a new 'normal' for your family. Getting used to it will not be a linear process. Allow yourself set-backs, challenges and occasional triumphs. It's ok.
Taylor once got a fortune cookie that said "disregard previous cookie". Talk about budget cuts at the cookie factory!!
Peace and hugs, my friend.
Anna-
You and your family are just amazing!!! I continue to keep you all in my daily prayers. Love you- Beth Gourley
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Laughter is a little piece of hope. Anna, it is wonderful to hear your voice here.
Praying.
Ann
Your daughter has quite the sense of humor and it's good to see it is still there through the sadness. I'm thinking of you and praying for you often.
Ran in honor of Jack this morning!
Every step was to give you and your family the strength to find the joy out of today!
Thank you Jack for giving me the strength!
luv2run
You just made me realize that we haven't received fortune cookies in quite sometime in our chinese take out orders! Margaret is quite the smart girl, I like her insight.
Anna, I am another who had never read your blog, but was introduced by an aquaintance of your sister, during this tragic time. I am the mother of three boys, one close in age to Jack. Your story, Jack's story, has so inspired me to live more in the moment, to nurture more, react less. It is my prayer that sometime in the future your family will take at least a small measure of comfort in the knowledge that so many have been inspired by Jack, your family, and your words. We share your grief, and we pray. I wish there were more we could do. May God's grace carry your family through this horrible tragedy.
With understanding and love from mother to mother,
Jerri F.
I continue to pray for you and your family.You all have been in our thoughts and prayers.Good to hear you can laugh a little.Laughter can be very healing.
Oh how I'm praying for you...and one of the things I'm praying for...is that laughter never leaves you.
Dear Anna. I am happy that you could share a tiny smile over something as small as a fortune cookie. Life is all about the little moments -
Continuing to think of you and your family daily.
Dear Anna, Thank you, thank you, thank you. Praying, praying, praying. Both you and Glennon have inspired me to live out loud through blogging--the only danger being that one may end up living in Blog-Land on all days off and not coming up for air. Margaret is way-cool. Looking for ways to support each of you...
Your girl is a treasure. Huge love to her and to all of you.
Praying for your family. I hope you can find some laughter even though this time is so full of pain.
I read somewhere that laughter is the #1 way to heal grief and heartache. Fortune cookies sound like a good way to start.
xoxo
Cat
I read somewhere that laughter is the #1 way to heal grief and heartache. Fortune cookies sound like a good way to start.
xoxo
Cat
checking in on you to let you know that you are all in my thoughts. I got a fortune the other day that said I would meet a man on my travels. I'm booking twelve trips right now just to make sure my fortune comes true.
lots of love and hugs to you all.
happy to hear that there have been some moments of laughter among the tears. thinking of you often.
Thinking of you and your family every day...praying for you and happy to read your post even with tears in my eyes. Your beautiful boy is watching over you all...xxoo
I'm another mom who was introduced to your blog through mutual friends... I also grew up in your town & went to VPC in the days when Bonnie & David Wright were leaders for the youth choir & youth group. Since hearing about Jack, I've looked so many times at my 3 little boys & felt utterly grateful while simultaneously guilty that you, your family & Jack would somehow be the ones to "teach" me again to cherish each minute. Thank you for sharing. I am praying for you and I will keep praying for you. JMJ
Margaret will be a gift in your lives, as she already has been, I'm sure. Your family's pain has touched my family here on the West Coast. We are praying for you and thanking you for sharing.
Chills.
I have been saying for years, and speaking for years, on how humor is a gift from GOD.
I have never felt more sure and convicted as I do now.
I will be using this example in my presentations.
It doesn't mean you don't mourn, it just means that God is helping you survive: as HE knows how.
xo
Your post makes me believe that messages from cookies can be true. You and your family have such a beautiful and strong spirit. I hope you will continue to share it with us. May the road forward lead you to a peaceful place.
Dear Anna,
I have tears in my eyes when I read your post..I know I am not alone when I say that I think of you every day and check your blog every time I go online, to check on you. I am thankful to hear about your family dinner...he is not at the table but he is watching over you (maybe happy not to have to eat the broccoli) and I am sure he is happy to see you guys smile. I am hoping you continue to find joy in your memories. I will never stop thinking of you.
Shoshana
Okay - so I shouldn't bring a lasagna tomorrow? Just kidding - I knew you'd be well supplied by your neighbors and church community. I had something else in mind anyway.
A gender specific fortune cookie?! Now that's something I've never seen. Rather sexist if you ask me...
Love that Margaret!
♥
Oh....I am so sorry for your loss. Just looking at the pictures of your handsome, precious son brought tears to my eyes. It is not an easy path to walk. You are certainly in my heart and in my prayers.
I wish you laughter both in your memories of Jack and for the future.
What a hard adjustment your family is going through at the moment...
You show enormous grace, which in itself cannot be easy at this harsh time.
If you can, all of you, please ensure your love tanks are topped up every day...
Continuing to think of you, to root for you and wishing you peace. All my love.
I can imagine Margaret's little nose crinkling up in disdain :) love to you and your family Anna xx
Hi again, I'd like to add that while I busy myself wishing you laughter and peace (which I do), I'm not forgetting your enormous loss. I hope wishing you laughter does not sound insensitive. I can't even imagine your pain. I'm so sorry you have to go down this road.
With love.
Anna,
I'm one of Liz's friends from Indiana. Our church is praying for you all. Jack certainly is a gift to us all. I'm keeping you close to my heart.
That Margaret cracks me up. :)
Aww, those are fantastic! I've never seen a fortune cookie with anything gender-specific before.
When I was 23, I moved halfway across the country. My parents took me and a dozen of our closest friends for Chinese food. At the end of the night, I cracked open my cookie and the fortune said "you will find travel and romance in your future." My dad changed his mind about my leaving. I jumped on a plane a week later, and four months after that, met the man I'd later marry.
Fortune cookies can be totally romantic.
We attended Mass today, Anna, and offered it for you, T, and precious M! God is most certainly in your lives every second of every day as you muster the courage to continue living the best way you can. You are a gift to us in showing us the real meaning of Faith. AND, M is just PRECIOUS and ADORABLE!!! I thought that the day she came to our door to collect canned goods. HUGS.
Irene and Family
Dearest Anna,
Mike and I went to Church tonight and offered the Mass for you, T, and M. God is most certainly in your presence in every second of every day. How else would you have the courage and strength to continue living as you are? You are a true light of Christ to all of us as you push on with life in the midst of Jack's passing to new life. We think of him all of the time. AND, M is just PRECIOUS and ADORABLE. I thought that the day she came over to pick up canned goods for a food drive. Keep finding HIS love for you in moments like you just describe about Margaret's wittiness in your blog. HUGS and PRAYERS.
Irene and Family
I am so sorry for your new normal. I am so sorry for your tremendous loss.
Hello My Anna,
Much love from me and Livvy tonight for you, Tim, and Margaret. Your smile is a very precious gift to the world, I am so grateful you smiled again if only for a little bit. Once again, thank you for giving me another moment to thank Him for sending you into my life.
Your melody lane sister.
It makes me happy to think of you smiling and laughing.
I have been thinking about you a billion times a day. I have been clinging to your example of faith. A lot has happened.
Just yesterday we received a special gift of laughter. We were visiting my little one... on her 5th day of inpatient treatment. It had been weeks of tears hoping she would not sink further into depression. We were filling out her "home contract"... and I was silently praying like crazy she would feel safe enough to return home.
She read the prompt on the contract aloud, "What can my family do to help me?"
She said and wrote, "Keep an eye on me"
Jeff's millionth attempt to get a smile in just a few days, "Which eye?"
And without thinking she said, "The left eye".
We all dissolved in laughter. We all felt brand-new for a moment.
I have been praying for you... every moment I start to lose hope, I know you might be suffering more.
Every moment I experience some joy, I know you surely need more than me.
With prayers
That Margaret never misses a beat!
I'm so inspired by your posts here, Anna.
I think you are my hero.
Sending huge love and prayers to you and your family.
XOXO
Anna
I've commented a couple times and just want you to know that my kids are praying for "Jack's Family" every night. They treat each other better after I shared what happened to your family. Much love.
Anna, I think of you and your family so often. I pray that the Lord heals your hearts and eases your grief. I do not know the pain of losing a child, but I have 3 cousins who have lost a child and my cousin was killed as a teenager. I have seen the toll this has taken on my cousins and my uncle and now that I am a mother, even the thought of what that would be like sends me into instant tears. When I read about your loss it caused such a sadness for me. It is a pain that no parent should ever have to feel. I am so sorry.
I echo the sentiments that so many others have before. I hope to be a better mother, I hope to raise my son as well as you raised Jack. I pray that I can set as good of an example as you set for your children. God Bless you and your family.
This morning in church we sang "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and I really needed to hear it, and as I sat here writing this I thought of the sermon this morning and this hymn...
"Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!"
Dear Anna,
i have been reading about the loss that you and your family are going through right know and i just can't seem to get it out of my head. Today i listened to Jack's memorial service... what a strong woman you are and how beautiful did you speak about Jack. i hope that you and your family find strenght in each other every single day. i've read a quote which i think is beautiful, i hope i can translate it good enough...behind every tear of sadness lies a smile of remembrance. love Ada
dear Anna,
i recently have been reading the terrible loss you and your family are going through. I just can't seem to get it out of my mind. Today i listened to the memorial service for your beautiful son Jack. What a strong woman you are and what did you speak beautiful about Jack. I hope you and your family will find strength in each other every day. I saw a quote which i think is beautiful, i hope i can translate it right: behind every tear of sadness lies a smile of rememberance. Love Ada
Sending thoughts and prayers and wishes for more laughter over the dinner table.
Anna Lefler wrote in her comment that you are her hero. You are mine too. Your whole family is.
That was very funny, but at the same time, I was laughing through tears.
You post about that night (or not) when (and if) you are good and ready. You are in charge here, yo. : )
jbhat
Anna,
It is odd how normalcy sneaks its way into our sorrow. Laughter is the best kind of normalcy, I suppose. I am thankful it made its way into your evening, even for a moment.
Much love and many prayers for you and your family.
Tasha
Please be very, very kind to yourself. Wishing you much love and peace. Your family is in my prayers.
Oh Margaret will go far in life!
Margaret is awesome.
All of you are never far from my mind...
I really like this site, and hope you will write more.
I agree with Jenn @ Juggling Life - you are so kind to share these stories with us. None of us can truly understand your unique pain. I pray for you (along with so many of these other readers) so often. I was awake in the middle of the night for some reason last night and was praying for you, Tim and Margaret over and over. I'm at work praying for you, I'm on the phone and praying for you while half listening to the speaker. It truly is happening so often.
We do pray specifically for your marriage, for Margaret, for the small things you have to do every day. We pray for the Lord to win all of the spiritual battles going on around and in each of you daily.
We know you will all get through this grief differently, and I pray that you each understand that your grief is expressed differently and that the Lord helps you love one another through it, and despite the differences. We pray for Tim and his job, and helping him through that. We pray for you, Anna, taking care of your family and home and being faced with sadness in every room. We pray for Margaret and the bond with her brother that she's grieving the loss of.
We know that our words aren't going to provide sufficient comfort, that only our Creator can provide that, so we have been BEGGING him for it on your behalf. The Lord will prevail here, in your wonderful family. We're praying for joy and for the peace that passes all understanding that He PROMISED us when we go to Him.
Always praying,
the Barkleys
So generous of you to share your evening with us. Jack is with you through your memories and love and it's so great that you can talk about him with love and humor and have him with you. Margaret is a love...please embrace her from all of us in blog land.
I'm glad that you had some laughter at dinner together. Still sending prayers to your family.
Hi, Anna...
Just wanted you to know I, too, continue to pray often. (I check back here so often to see how you may be doing, I kind of feel like a stalker....I think the Lord has just laid your family on my heart....
Love and hope,
Lisa G.
Hello - another total stranger here. I have been praying for you since I heard the news from another blog I follow. This post struck a particular chord with me because I remember a few days after my sister passed away 10 years ago, my mom asked me to set the table. I pulled out enough silverware and plates for our family of five and as I began setting the fifth place setting, I realized I had an extra place setting - it was just automatic and had to re-program myself for four. I shed a few tears hoping my mom wouldn't see them as I discreetly put away the extra plate. We had a dinner similar to the one you described, and we still do 10 years later. Family celebrations are still difficult, but we always find a way to include my sister's memory - even putting Christmas lights and decorating a Christmas tree at the cemetery since it was her favourite time of year. I am so sorry this is your new-normal, but I will continue to hold you in my prayers and hope you have many laughs in the future.
So very, very sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.
My name is also Anna See and I randomly stumbled upon your blog via good ole Google. Sometimes there are simply no words but having experienced tremendous loss as well I know that God has a plan for everything...even if we don't quite understand it. Your strength and faith and support network (online included!) will help you through."The world's loss is heaven's gain when God took you home."
Best,
Anna See
I remember not long after my nephew died, one of his teachers sent a lovely letter to my sister and her family. I was there when she received it- and it was lovely. She told some stories that had us laughing, and it felt good. She told one in particular, about when he told her he was going to the doctor for his headaches. She said, "What kind of doctor?" and he replied, "A gynecologist i think." The teacher said, "You know, if you're going to a gynecologist, you have bigger problems that just headaches." And we laughed and laughed. sigh.
LoL! I love Margaret's sense of humor!
Very funny. i am glad that for a moment the "new normal" worked for you!!
Lynn
I love her sense of humor and I love you... even though I do not know you.
OMG....she is a crack up!! ha!!
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