Tom is a bit quiet and shy, so he’s not the most demonstrative guy in the world. Even with me. Before we got married, at our church's 3 hour mandatory communication class (yeah, we rocked that thing!), we had to write down our wants and needs for after marriage.
Here’s my list:
Here’s my list:
I need to sleep in until 9 a.m. on Saturdays.
I want to be told, on occasion, that I look good.
After 5 years of dating, I knew that I was marrying a morning person, who might be tempted to seize the day and drag me along with him into it, and I suspected he might also need a little nudge when it came to complimenting his wife.
I’m not a prima dona, or at list not too much of one, but we had experienced more than a few ill-fated attempts at compliments in the past. I had read somewhere that men want our needs spelled out for them, which is why I was so blunt. I was looking for-- “You look good. You look nice. You look pretty.”
You see, this is the guy who told me he was attracted to me for my personality. This is not sought-after information when you are 21 and as hot as you're ever going to be. This is the guy who, upon seeing me in my new floral, drop-waisted dress (it was 1992!) said, “You look HOMELY in that dress!”
Silence.
“Uh, it’s just so soft and pretty?”
“Okay, so are you trying to say I look “HOME-Y” in my dress? And if so, is this a good thing?”
“Yes.”
*******
Here’s Tom’s List:
I am not the enemy
I want to be told, on occasion, that I look good.
After 5 years of dating, I knew that I was marrying a morning person, who might be tempted to seize the day and drag me along with him into it, and I suspected he might also need a little nudge when it came to complimenting his wife.
I’m not a prima dona, or at list not too much of one, but we had experienced more than a few ill-fated attempts at compliments in the past. I had read somewhere that men want our needs spelled out for them, which is why I was so blunt. I was looking for-- “You look good. You look nice. You look pretty.”
You see, this is the guy who told me he was attracted to me for my personality. This is not sought-after information when you are 21 and as hot as you're ever going to be. This is the guy who, upon seeing me in my new floral, drop-waisted dress (it was 1992!) said, “You look HOMELY in that dress!”
Silence.
“Uh, it’s just so soft and pretty?”
“Okay, so are you trying to say I look “HOME-Y” in my dress? And if so, is this a good thing?”
“Yes.”
*******
Here’s Tom’s List:
I am not the enemy
Clean counters
Since Tom does not have a blog, and therefore a voice, we will not need to delve too deeply into the first item on his list, except perhaps to posit that w/ five years of dating me he knew that he might, perhaps, be my closest target when I got a teeny bit grumpy.
As for the second item, I guess he desired clean counters. We will not dwell too much on or judge him too harshly for the fact that he answered his questions in a non-standard fashion that deviated from the clearly established I want/ need format.
******
Soooooooo last night, with a newfound resolve to try to improve my self-image, or get some pre-Thanksgiving action, Tom took a deep breath and said, “Kids, you have the most beautiful mother in the world.” He looked uncomfortable, but he got it out just fine.
Molly: “No she’s NOT, I saw a newspaper picture of the best mother and it wasn’t her.”
Tom: “I never said BEST mother, I said most beautiful.”
Gee thanks guys. Kind of makes me what to go smear raw chicken all over the counters.
Since Tom does not have a blog, and therefore a voice, we will not need to delve too deeply into the first item on his list, except perhaps to posit that w/ five years of dating me he knew that he might, perhaps, be my closest target when I got a teeny bit grumpy.
As for the second item, I guess he desired clean counters. We will not dwell too much on or judge him too harshly for the fact that he answered his questions in a non-standard fashion that deviated from the clearly established I want/ need format.
******
Soooooooo last night, with a newfound resolve to try to improve my self-image, or get some pre-Thanksgiving action, Tom took a deep breath and said, “Kids, you have the most beautiful mother in the world.” He looked uncomfortable, but he got it out just fine.
Molly: “No she’s NOT, I saw a newspaper picture of the best mother and it wasn’t her.”
Tom: “I never said BEST mother, I said most beautiful.”
Gee thanks guys. Kind of makes me what to go smear raw chicken all over the counters.
18 comments:
That is too funny. I'm going to be laughing about that one all day!
We need to do lunch soon. Work has been a nightmare (as in I work for crazy people nightmare) - so maybe some time in December when things quiet down?
That made me laugh too. At least he tried! :)
Men don't always show their appreciation and love the way we'd like to but as long as they try, I'll give them some credit.
BTW, how about I crash the lunch? I'd love to meet you and Kate and I have been meaning to have lunch forever!
LOL - Dear Hubby has a long lost secret brother!!
Now go cross-contaminate the hell out of that kitchen.
Em
So funny! :)
Why is it when they try, it just goes all wrong? Love this!
Kate and Anastasia-- Lunch sounds great!
Oh my god that is so funny. I want clean countertops - where do guys come up with these things. This post made me laugh out loud!
LOL. Men, boys...they don't change much!!! :)
LOL,
I have a husband like that too, but at least we know when they do compliment us - they totally mean it :)
Too funny because that last line is exactly what I was thinking. Uh oh, time to rub something all over the counters!!! I have a very nondemonstrative husband as well. Every once in a while, he pulls a compliment off, but not often.
My husband does similar things. Like leaving me a Valentine's Day "card" on his way to work... handwritten on a paper plate, "Happy Valentine's Day. We're out of milk." You take what you can get and if it makes you smile that's bonus points.
I tagged you for a meme on my blog. Chose one of your posts that demonstrates life as a "real mom" and add it to the list. Hit my blog for details.
Ugh. The "Tess" comment is me. Long story short: one of my teens set up a mock profile using my gmail account for an experiment and when I picked up my laptop this morning, I didn't realize it was logged into the gmail thing. Blech. So all that stuff, above, from me.
It's the thought that counts...
First timer here, but I loved this post. Can you do the list after 19 years of marriage?
You husband is HOT. And his list is hysterical. Clean counters. Ha!
You are SO FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!
I was laughing so hard reading this that I almost woke up one of the twins. Gotta love Molly's comment -- you know Zoe would have said the same thing!
Oh my gosh, you are making me laugh out loud at work so I had to comment. I LOVE your sense of humor - "kind of makes me want to go rub raw chicken all over the counters!"
Also, I feel like I totally identify with you and your husband's relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for five years and he is totally like your Tom - more reserved, not stellar with compliments, etc. and I am more gregarious and "out there." It is nice to read about you all and that the marriage he and I imagine together really can work. Your family is wonderful and you're doing a great job.
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