It has been a week of highs and lows, sometimes in the same moment. The week started well with my passing a 3 hour glucose test at the lab! While most of my friends and neighbors were scrambling around getting ready for our impending blizzard, I was getting A LOT of blood drawn. The whole process made me feel sick and worn down, but that could have been residual issues from the stomach bug last week.
Margaret and I were sleeping at my dear friend's parents' house in anticipation of construction dust and fumes at our house, as we were having the kitchen floor refinished. I slept better than I have in months, and ate well too. It was wonderful to be away from my sickbed-exile and in my friend Cynthia's childhood home again, snuggled in her cozy bed watching Gilmore Girls with my girl.
The best part, however, was how both Cynthia's mom and dad MOTHERED me while we were there. I realized that even at age 46, I crave mothering; perhaps you do too. I feel like I've been on my own for such a very long time. They fussed over Margaret and me, giving us just one more bite of Lebanese food, one more piece of fruit, helping Margaret print out a paper, and searching for flights for me on the computer. Reflecting on how special this mothering made me feel, I now know I want to mother those who need it, whether or not we are connected by blood.
Tim had to leave town, which meant my finding the dogs a safe place to stay out of the fumes as well. Two lovely friends offered to help, despite crazy schedules and puking kids. The process of getting the dogs' things together, however, meant that the dogs and I were exposed to the absolute brunt of the fumes (due to a mix-up, the workmen showed up hours earlier than planned, while the dogs were still there). I had to get them safely OUT of the house, but I didn't want to be IN the house. Breathing those fumes has caused me a lot of anxiety about the welfare of the baby, but I can't undo it.
During my intense freak out about this (Why would God give us a miracle baby only for us to harm him doing something stupid? Will we ever get this parenting thing right? Why does Tim always go out of town at times like this?), my car broke down on a major road. So that was fun.
Two days later, my car back from the shop, I had a doctor's appointment. They said I should have been getting sonograms every 4 weeks due to my age, but no one had told me or given me a prescription. They gave me one for as soon as possible, but I can't be fit in for another 2.5 weeks, which will mean I will have gone from 20 weeks to 30.5 weeks between sonograms. Ergh. I was dealing with some serious insurance wrangling when I saw the first flakes, and it became clear I needed to get someplace fast and hunker down for the storm, so I headed home to sleep for the first time since Monday. It also became clear that there was no way I could make it to Charlotte, NC for a speaking engagement. That was really disappointing.
Tim is in town again. He says he smells no fumes anymore, but I don't buy it because-- male nose-- so I'm back in my bed (the farthest spot from the kitchen) with all the windows wide open, looking out at more than 2 1/2 feet of beautiful snow. It's like unofficial bedrest-- a theme for this pregnancy. Margaret is at a friend's house for the duration, so she'll have someone to hang out with. The dogs are their spunky, happy selves and are LOVING the snow. No plows have come to our neighborhood yet, so it will probably be a few more days before we go anywhere. I hope you are warm and safe where you are.
So, no words of wisdom here.
No faith or philosophy. Just a mixed bag of worry and trust. Impatience and patience. Anxiety and peace. My village has really helped me this week. Thank YOU for being part of it!
p.s. Here's a pic of my kids during a BIG STORM in 2009
