It said, “A 30-something At-Home Mom…” Well, in a few short months the “30-something” will no longer be true (yikes!), and now that I have new job, my time “At-Home” is greatly reduced. Not that At-Home moms are home all day anyway, but I know you know what I mean.
When I consider my new look I wonder—is it too pretty and pristine for me? The colors and style reflect the things I love, and even the way I try to decorate my house. But, I wonder, does it fail to capture the Gray Areas? The gray on my head, along with the gray areas of mothering, being married, or being a friend?
Ever since I became a mom I’ve tried to be transparent with others, according to my own experiences. That’s one of the reasons I love the blogging community so much and wish I’d known about it when my kids were tiny. Everyone needs to be able to be real with someone. Face to face, this is sometimes hard.
I was lucky to have a few friends and my sister when my kids were very young, to whom I could say things like, “About 3 weeks after your baby is born you are going to start hating your husband for a while,” or “Are you so tired you wish you could go to sleep and never wake up?” or “Do you ever get mad at your baby when she won’t stop crying?” I think letting others know of our struggles, through blogging or face to face, and being real about the gray areas in our lives, helps both us and them.
I think of the idea file I keep of the dream kitchen I hope to have one day. You know I’m a house junkie, right? My idea files are my House Porn. Every kitchen in my file has creamy off-white cabinets, carrera marble or black soapstone countertops, and stainless steel appliances.
Throw in a laughing model dishing up dinner for well-dressed friends or placing a nutritious after-school snack on the capacious breakfast bar for a well-dressed (barefoot, flowing white dress—preferably smocked) child and the picture is complete.
The file holds the ideals, yet I know if I ever do get my dream kitchen, there will still be a stack of papers on the counter, waiting to be dealt with. Dog hair will still be ever present, and the pile of shoes will still seem to copulate and multiply when I’m not looking. A mudroom area, deep storage doors and even a walk-in pantry (oooh, sigh!) could help with this, but real life is still real life.
So I guess my new blog look is an ideal. It’s a peaceful break from the clutter that is every day life, just as my magazine photos provide an escape and a fantasy for me. Most importantly to me, however, is that this pur-ty blog is a place where I can write openly about my days—and some days ARE better than others.
