Dear Shadow,
When you dragged me across the pool parking lot just now in front of all the tennis moms you must have gotten a real rush. What did it feel like for you when my shin, knee, hip, shoulder, forearm, palm and finally, face, skidded across the dirty pavement and ended up in that puddle?
I sure wish I had known to expect the sudden trip so I could have unwrapped your leash from around my wrist, instead of flying through the air like a hooked carp.
Obviously my busy day of bringing home the bacon (ok, 50 bucks) wasn’t enough for you. The doggie bones from my quick grocery trip didn’t satisfy, either. When you brought me your ball, I played fetch with you. And then, instead of sitting on my rear reading magazines while the kids had tennis lessons, I decided to bring you along for a nice long walk.
And now, as we sit here in the car, me fuming and composing this blog in my head and bleeding on the steering wheel, all you can do is pant and give me that stupid, happy-dog look.
I guess it’s all my fault. I mean, you did see another dog to chase after, and it’s not like you get to do that every day. Oh yeah.
And when I miss my dear friend’s going away party in an hour as I pick gravel out of my shoulder, it’s not like she’s moving to Belgium or anything. Oh yeah.
And as the sheets stick to my wounds tonight as I try to sleep, and I say goodbye to wearing any flirty, shoulder-baring fashions for the next 100 years, I’ll just say thanks again, bitch.
Not Love,
Anna
When you dragged me across the pool parking lot just now in front of all the tennis moms you must have gotten a real rush. What did it feel like for you when my shin, knee, hip, shoulder, forearm, palm and finally, face, skidded across the dirty pavement and ended up in that puddle?
I sure wish I had known to expect the sudden trip so I could have unwrapped your leash from around my wrist, instead of flying through the air like a hooked carp.
Obviously my busy day of bringing home the bacon (ok, 50 bucks) wasn’t enough for you. The doggie bones from my quick grocery trip didn’t satisfy, either. When you brought me your ball, I played fetch with you. And then, instead of sitting on my rear reading magazines while the kids had tennis lessons, I decided to bring you along for a nice long walk.
And now, as we sit here in the car, me fuming and composing this blog in my head and bleeding on the steering wheel, all you can do is pant and give me that stupid, happy-dog look.
I guess it’s all my fault. I mean, you did see another dog to chase after, and it’s not like you get to do that every day. Oh yeah.
And when I miss my dear friend’s going away party in an hour as I pick gravel out of my shoulder, it’s not like she’s moving to Belgium or anything. Oh yeah.
And as the sheets stick to my wounds tonight as I try to sleep, and I say goodbye to wearing any flirty, shoulder-baring fashions for the next 100 years, I’ll just say thanks again, bitch.
Not Love,
Anna
Holy guacamole! I so want to hurt that dog on your behalf right now! (Leave me alone, Peta, she hurt my sister!)
ReplyDeleteOh no! That is truly awful (and of course it had to happen during summer when you want to wear cute, shoulder baring tops...) My favorite part of your post? When you are fuming while your lab is panting and has that "stupid, happy-dog look". I definitely can empathize with that situation!
ReplyDeleteOh dear. Bad dog! I would be furious! Don't you hate it when dogs are total jerks and then just give you their I'm-a-happy-dumb-dog look and you can't release them into the wild like you'd really like too.
ReplyDeleteI hope your wounds heal quickly and that your dog is extra special kind to you for a while.
Oy.
I'm not a dog owner, so I guess this might be a stupid question, but can't we just put Shadow down now?
ReplyDeleteOK, I'm just kidding. Kind of.
Sorry about your owie. Looks quite hurty. If only you had done it in the privacy of your own home, you could concoct a fabulous story about wiping out on your longboard while doing extreme sports or some such, you know, for the other tennis moms. But not now. No, Shadow saw to that, didn't she.
Yowza, Anna, that's an impressive wound. How big is your dog? She must be, like, an Irish Wolfhound?
ReplyDeleteOption #1 - eat a ton of donuts so that it's not so easy for your pooch to drag you.
Option #2 - eat a ton of donuts because, well, they're tasty.
Option #3 - post picture of your huge dog so that your blog members can chastise her roundly.
Oh my god. I can't believe how bad those cuts and scrapes are....that must have hurt so much. Bad dog! UGH!
ReplyDeleteOh Anna! The same thing happened to me a couple of summers ago. No dog was involved and it was totally my own fault (long story I'll tell you another time), but the wounds are SO similar.
ReplyDeleteI have to warn you, you will be stuck with a pink patch of skin for the next year and next summer that area will be a slightly different color/texture than the rest of your shoulder.
As soon as you get the healing part done, use the some anti-scar stuff religiously. It really does help.
This is a huge case in point for why I'm terrified of owning a dog who can overpower me...
Anna! Oh my goodness!!! I can't believe this. I hope you are feeling better. Although I have to say this does remind me of how I looked when I took that swan-dive in front of SPE. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI think you should write to Animal Planet so when their show "When Dogs Go Bad" airs, you can be on it. st
ReplyDeleteOHMYGOSH! That's some terrible looking roadrash! Sticking to the sheets is the worst. I used to race mountain bikes, and roadrash wounds almost always required new sheets. I'm so sorry. I hope you heal quickly. :-)
ReplyDeleteMy goodness. Those types of scrapes are so annoyingly painful! I hope you heal fast. If you need something to smile about you sure do have nice biceps!
ReplyDeleteOh Anna, I'm so bummed for you! Bad Shadow indeed. I'm struggling for some bright side comment, but it's not coming. Bad, bad Shadow.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon!!!
Wowza! Next time, if there ever IS a next time....for the love of YOURSELF, LET GO OF THE DOG LEASH! Then, chase the dog....I have two 100 lb. dogs and I know that the natural reaction is to hold on to the leash, but if I can't control them right away, I drop the leash, because I am not going to get dragged to the ground. You poor thing. Feel better, and have a few drinks. That always helps! :)
ReplyDeleteYou need a pinch collar (for Shadow). It won't hurt her, just remind her who's in charge when she gets the urge to bolt.
ReplyDeleteBut enough about the dog, I want to know how you stay so skinny on that diet of girl scout cookies and candy corn???!
Thanks for all of your well wishes toward me and ill wishes toward Shadow! Lisa G., I think the pics are more flattering b/c they were taken from a 7 year old's height.
ReplyDeleteAs for the pinch collar-- it is a life saver-- I won't walk Shadow w/out it. Someone took it off yesterday. We won't name names.
This was hilarious! That last line did it for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm not laughing at you, but with you?
Ouch! That looks so painful. I am so sorry that happened to you.
ReplyDeleteAnother example of why I am dogless.
Oh my god - that must be one big dog!
ReplyDeleteOUCH!!! I was cringing to look at it!!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I hope you're feeling better now! That kind of wounds are the worst because they really hurt!
ReplyDeleteSending good wishes your way - get better soon, I hope they don't hurt anymore!
Holy. Cow.
ReplyDelete