tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post8454856551599260512..comments2024-02-11T02:09:23.512-08:00Comments on An Inch of Gray: FragileAnna Whiston-Donaldsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14921348961654008115noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-11075952060290838062014-06-18T14:01:37.923-07:002014-06-18T14:01:37.923-07:00I know that waking up to hearing my healthy daught...I know that waking up to hearing my healthy daughter had died in her sleep at age 31--perfectly happy the night before and laughing on the phone to me about something I've now long forgotten--was traumatic and shocking. Now that I've had this long--15 years--to soak that in, I do think I would never wanted to see her suffer for a long, sad time--knowing that she would die anyway. She had an undetected heart problem, nobody knew about but God, and perhaps the x-ray tech who got her name wrong at the hospital..or the nurse who thought it was my x-ray instead of hers that showed an enlarged heart.She always said she wanted to die in her sleep; she was granted that wish, no matter how hard it has been on her little boy, and us. However, watching my mother die a slow , painful death was awfully hard, too. <br />The thing about God giving us more than we can bear is left up to everyone's interpretation, I guess. I'm still here. We're all still here. For some reason, I think we're still here...but maybe, just not doing with this "thing" what we're supposed to be doing with it, I guess. Maybe you are--maybe you just have, Anna!<br />Sherry's MomBluebird49https://www.blogger.com/profile/01195892307835553912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-86691369979821180092014-05-29T06:14:05.024-07:002014-05-29T06:14:05.024-07:00"I think that whole, "God only gives us ..."I think that whole, "God only gives us what we can handle" thing is a bunch of crap. Do we really think moms and dads with kids with cancer want to hear the flawed logic that their kid is enduring so much because Mom and Dad are just so darn strong?!? No way." So true and so well said. <br /><br />dwerrleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05917174708039425122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-9980005795621250852014-05-28T10:04:21.824-07:002014-05-28T10:04:21.824-07:00Beautiful post, Anna. I never bought into the &quo...Beautiful post, Anna. I never bought into the "God only gives us what we can handle" nonsense either. It seems wrong to imagine God would "give" us tragedy or pain. But I do absolutely, positively believe that He gives us GRACE. He gives however much grace we need to bear whatever life brings. IrishRN07https://www.blogger.com/profile/11904458918696728980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-33038607557405988752014-05-28T09:36:37.827-07:002014-05-28T09:36:37.827-07:00just checking in to let you know that I'm thin...<br />just checking in to let you know that I'm thinking about you today. Princess Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00868992133684014734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-73177093145818488982014-05-27T10:03:08.788-07:002014-05-27T10:03:08.788-07:00The way you write must be so therapeutic for you. ...The way you write must be so therapeutic for you. I know for me, it always makes me think and reflect on really all the important stuff in life.<br /><br />So sorry for your loss. still here thinking about you and your family EVERY day.Princess Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00868992133684014734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-19081382391825577032014-05-27T06:04:01.592-07:002014-05-27T06:04:01.592-07:00I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Anna...I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Anna. ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13959457718154564469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-3328801164792622042014-05-26T02:43:10.929-07:002014-05-26T02:43:10.929-07:00I have no wisdom next to such loss - whether a par...I have no wisdom next to such loss - whether a parents loses suddenly or slowly. It's awful all around.<br /><br />My thoughts and prayers are with your friend's family right now.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12586581766383380976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-58904436393771702232014-05-24T19:47:12.757-07:002014-05-24T19:47:12.757-07:00Maybe it's strange to say that I loved this po...Maybe it's strange to say that I loved this post, given the content, the heartache, the questions in this post. I loved it for those reasons. I've asked these questions, had the same thoughts. Your writing, your voice are powerful and wonderful and needed. Thank you, Anna, for your honesty and courage.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16993610522830649033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-7919576959472573632014-05-23T12:05:36.911-07:002014-05-23T12:05:36.911-07:00Did Anna enjoy a glass of wine. If so, toast to he...Did Anna enjoy a glass of wine. If so, toast to her life lived this weekend. Beautiful writing... I find a pop in for a visit about every 8 weeks- when I am ready for a cut and color! Jack gave you an amazing voice. lauraLaura Everyday Editshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10281306421663975839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-23161315455828684422014-05-23T11:05:02.665-07:002014-05-23T11:05:02.665-07:00I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I thin...I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I think a lot about the same things you express in this blog post. Your post was like a commentary that sometimes runs through my head. I don't know if one is easier or one is worse. They both suck tremendously. I also feel the same way you do about being a 'third/last child'. I do feel like a crumble--that the most minute decisions can paralyze me at times. However, I am certain you would have been the strongest advocate and undaunted if this was something you needed to do for one of your children. <br /><br />Even the most scattered of us can pull it together for a loved one. Ironically, when my dad had a recent terminal illness scare I was the one of the three siblings that did deal (alongside my mother) the most with the hospital. I was the one to drive my mom home and take them both home the day of the release. I was the one that spent that first dreadful night in the hospital with him even though I was told visiting hours were over. I was the one doing every research imaginable. Anyone would have thought it would have been my sister, the oldest, who seemed to be in disbelief/denial. Life is unpredictable anyway you look at it. We sometimes suprise ourselves and life is a never-ending surprise to which none of us know the ending.<br /><br />I love your writing. It is so raw, honest and compelling..does that make sense:). I look forward to your book. Best, NoVa Mom JenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-15487313665632380872014-05-23T10:44:09.444-07:002014-05-23T10:44:09.444-07:00Loss and grief are so complicated, whether sudden ...Loss and grief are so complicated, whether sudden or prolonged. Fragile is the perfect way to describe it. Hugs to you this week, as always. Also, thank you for those links. Off to check them out now.<br />I can't find my bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02613321200230079978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-79152813276538573702014-05-23T09:52:39.916-07:002014-05-23T09:52:39.916-07:00Yes, the things people say at the moment of crisis...Yes, the things people say at the moment of crisis can be EYE OPENING. Well meaning but really inappropriate. Like the phrase you mentioned but another one is "God needed another angel." I have two thoughts about this genre of comments. One is, I suddenly noticed that when someone says something like this, it is so very irritating (at times infuriating) that it has actually snapped me out of my grief (distant past) for just a couple minutes. But in those few minutes the grief went away! And that was a relief! (Yes, the grief was replaced by anger, but that's OK. Anger feels better than grief.) So it can sometimes be a plus (sort of). The other thought is that platitudes and cliches come out when people are overwhelmed and don't know what else to say. So it's hard to fault them. (Although the one you mentioned is PARTICULARLY maddening.) <br /><br />It would be useful produce a small pamphlet of things NOT to say when someone is grieving.<br /><br />A very dear friend of mine said the following when my father died suddenly many years ago, when I was 20: "It happened perfectly, right before the semester began but after my vacation."<br /><br />Now THAT is so inappropriate you just have to laugh hysterically. (BTW, I'm still friends with her. She doesn't hear what comes out of her mouth sometimes.) E. in VT.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-72645377010531474952014-05-23T09:30:16.252-07:002014-05-23T09:30:16.252-07:00Great verbal expression of your heartfelt love and...Great verbal expression of your heartfelt love and loss. <br />God bless and comfort you and all who grieve.<br />The book or movie HEAVEN IS REAL may be useful to some.Justine Selzernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-79590909391700676172014-05-23T09:20:29.308-07:002014-05-23T09:20:29.308-07:00Anna-interesting how so many events take you strai...Anna-interesting how so many events take you straight back to the day your son passed on. The same feelings come flooding in. Almost crippling again, for me anyway. Death sucks. It's just not fair to lose a child...hey was wondering if you got my comment about my race I am holding in memory of my son Ollie who drowned too. I am teaming up with other families and trying to bring as much awareness as possible to water safety....do you want to be a part? Maybe your thoughts on water safety? Let me know. You can email me. <br />tiffanybhebb@gmail.com<br />The Hebbshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-32133557995566917742014-05-23T06:45:03.482-07:002014-05-23T06:45:03.482-07:00Oh Anna, I'm so sorry about your friend. I, of...Oh Anna, I'm so sorry about your friend. I, of course, know about the other side of death - the slow, drawn out, know it's coming thing. I think the initial shock of hearing the words "terminal cancer" is like the sudden death. I did certainly have time to imagine what Joey's death and funeral would be like, and I think that helped me tremendously. Of course, when I was in the thick of it, I wished that it would have happened suddenly. But you are right, my sweet friend - they both suck. Hugs and prayers to you and your friend's family. Kathy at kissing the froghttp://www.lifewiththefrog.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-68656564142025149232014-05-23T05:20:37.660-07:002014-05-23T05:20:37.660-07:00I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend Anna....I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend Anna. Just another reminder to appreciate the people we love and the lives we've been given RIGHT NOW.Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09547046112210413940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-77488009952493521202014-05-22T18:14:40.399-07:002014-05-22T18:14:40.399-07:00I have wondered about the sudden, unexpected vs th...I have wondered about the sudden, unexpected vs the long, slow, painful many times. I am so glad that Sully didn't suffer. But, wow! A phone call at work saying your healthy 16 wk old was down for a nap and is now not breathing and they're doing cpr on him is, well, indescribable. Watching your child slowly weaken and in pain while fighting is, well, also indescribable. There is no comparing grief. What I've learned is that each persons grief is the worst for that person because it is what they are going through. Our stories are different, but our kids are still goneAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05327574737954838250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-28535888193742797322014-05-22T13:51:11.138-07:002014-05-22T13:51:11.138-07:00Sad, beautiful, true.
I'm so sorry you've ...Sad, beautiful, true.<br />I'm so sorry you've had to write these words.julie gardnerhttp://juliecgardner.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-89348620459253288272014-05-22T12:31:39.295-07:002014-05-22T12:31:39.295-07:00When I was 14 (32 years ago) my dad was dying from...When I was 14 (32 years ago) my dad was dying from cancer. Around the same time, my best friend's dad left her mom and took up with another woman, who had two kids - in other words, he left a family with two kids for... another family with two kids. We used to debate which was the least crappy deal: That I no longer had my dad? I can never tell him I love him again - YOU could, if you wanted to, I said. She would counter, yes, but you KNOW your dad loved you and would still be with you if he could - mine is in the next town over, having chosen to be with another family, and that hurts. Like you, we never could decide which was "better" because both situations sucked.<br /><br />While I suppose it's the lesser of two evils that we had time to "prepare" for my dad's eventual death, that was very small comfort to two young girls and a mother who much too young to be widowed... or to my grandmother, who told me on the night he died that no mother should have to bury a child - even a 41 year old one.<br /><br />I take comfort in knowing that someday, we'll all understand why. I know your faith is strong and you are just as eager to understand as I am. Meg McCormickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01226110990838922422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-17855023584061309362014-05-22T10:27:10.509-07:002014-05-22T10:27:10.509-07:00You speak great truth Anna! I am so sorry for your...You speak great truth Anna! I am so sorry for your loss. xoJoyce Ricehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17956737305582662953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-75685383482099111752014-05-22T10:21:06.209-07:002014-05-22T10:21:06.209-07:00I, too, lost a friend very suddenly. A week ago, ...I, too, lost a friend very suddenly. A week ago, I woke to a text that he was gone and I'm still in a state of disbelief. I am kicking myself for not reaching out to him, as I had intended to. Just one last time, to let him know that I was thinking of him.<br /><br />The night of his wake, I did have a dream that I saw him and was able to give him a hug and a kiss and tell him that I loved him. My fervent prayer is that he knew how much he was loved and how many he was loved by.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-65820477134519144962014-05-22T10:20:21.518-07:002014-05-22T10:20:21.518-07:00I've always struggled with the concept of &quo...I've always struggled with the concept of "God never gives us more than we can handle" too. I believe He often "gives" us more than we can handle because sometimes that's what it takes for us to turn to the Savior who will ease our burden or strengthen our backs to better carry the load. Love to you and your family.sweetpagenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03465439998662620384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-44939385046568321432014-05-22T10:17:29.518-07:002014-05-22T10:17:29.518-07:00I used to use the idea of 'God doesn't giv...I used to use the idea of 'God doesn't give you more than you can handle' to get me through things...mundane things in comparison to what you have gone through...but tried it out nevertheless. And then someone pointed out the fact that no where in the bible does it say that. (I have yet to verify that, but I'd like to believe her.) In fact, her theory was that God gives us MORE than we can handle to act as reminders to go to Him when things get hard. I'd like to think that some of those tragic events that bring us to Him are not meant to be 'reminders', but times when all the other reminders will help you find the comfort in staying closet to Jesus.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-78758944933922589062014-05-22T09:50:13.311-07:002014-05-22T09:50:13.311-07:00I agree with everything you've said here. The ...I agree with everything you've said here. The is no way to compare one death with another. Yet, the point you make about each are compelling. I am the be-in-charge, never-give-up, fighter type, so I think I would like the opportunity to "save" somebody I love. But, it would be so hard. I'm grateful that even though there are many things in my life that I can't handle, God is there to support and sustain me...it's the only way.Sybil@PeaceitallTogetherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00553263217267565072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-89165798745273791612014-05-22T07:56:08.961-07:002014-05-22T07:56:08.961-07:00Love to you AnnaLove to you AnnaKerrynoreply@blogger.com