tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post2399174931779326994..comments2024-02-11T02:09:23.512-08:00Comments on An Inch of Gray: ChoicesAnna Whiston-Donaldsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14921348961654008115noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-5487646847204793072013-08-27T10:18:21.475-07:002013-08-27T10:18:21.475-07:00I read your blog for years now. This post is so t...I read your blog for years now. This post is so touching and I have worried for you and your family(silly as we have never met). I haven't had or lost a child so I know I cannot say I understand this type of sorrow. But you seem like an amazing person with a wonderful husband and daughter. I think Jacks spirit will be with you forever, but I know he would have chosen happiness over mourning for you. I also know you have to believe God saw a more important role for him or saved him from something here on Earth. God spoke to you through and he sounded wise beyond his years. I wish you love, peace and comfort. Look for signs and I bet he will stay with your family through your lives... All the best to youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-6899479231669021082013-08-27T10:01:33.201-07:002013-08-27T10:01:33.201-07:00Anna, your writing is captivating and you express ...Anna, your writing is captivating and you express your feelings in a lovely way and raw way too. sorry sweet Jack an not be there to live your dreams with you..so sorry. just not fair. but you are staying positive. This last week I have been trying to focus on what I "do" have instead of what I "Dont" have. Its very difficult to do especially when you lose a child, its no small task. I choose to be okay today. just okay.<br />xoxo<br />TIffThe Hebbshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17906330838650590140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-33236493685422796052013-08-22T13:14:43.606-07:002013-08-22T13:14:43.606-07:00I choose to pray for you and lift you up! Your po...I choose to pray for you and lift you up! Your posted always touch my heart. Thank you for sharing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-85404728292037825272013-08-22T12:30:06.201-07:002013-08-22T12:30:06.201-07:00I thought of this song when I first heard of what ...I thought of this song when I first heard of what happened to jack "just give me a reason pink" cause not to long ago a friend of my step mom passed away she had 3 children Kylie Kayla and tommy. Tommy being very much like jack. After prior to her funeral I cried evey day to sleep and after the funeral I cried too. Even if your not realated too someone they still mean a lot to a person I hardly no her and I cried at her funeral it hit my family hard. The more I think about her the more I think about jack.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09110565322468529729noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-50743709635041264472013-08-22T09:16:57.095-07:002013-08-22T09:16:57.095-07:00All the 5th graders are going back to school as 6t...All the 5th graders are going back to school as 6th graders except for one. I am hanging on as tight as I possibly can. I choose joy. I will get down on my hand and knees, sift through the dirt with my bare hands, in order to find it. Bridget McCarthyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15989230513113751517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-87769313380531258212013-08-21T09:41:05.943-07:002013-08-21T09:41:05.943-07:00I have been grieving the loss of my brother for ov...I have been grieving the loss of my brother for over 8 years. Your posts always ring so true to how I feel and have felt over the years. You are an amazing person and I appreciate your blog and your perspective so much. It is good to know I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings. suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14989829341589201756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-37421288721242038112013-08-21T07:50:43.334-07:002013-08-21T07:50:43.334-07:00Oh, Anna. I feel like my choices recently do not r...Oh, Anna. I feel like my choices recently do not resonate good things to come. And the blogger's quote says it perfectly. I need to make better, different choices. <br /><br />I wish there were a way to give you an entirely different set of circumstances, that the choice you make daily to be brave or simpy not feed into the darkness didn't have to be. How I wish it.Arnebyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16445670708629187950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-36665506049120919402013-08-20T00:11:56.559-07:002013-08-20T00:11:56.559-07:00I find so much honesty in your writing...that is s...I find so much honesty in your writing...that is such a gift to us, and to yourself. <br /><br />I know when I think ' i couldn't handle it ', meaning the death of one of my children, I am referring to my brain. I have struggled profoundly with PTSD from an abusive childhood, and mental illness runs in my family. When I have thought on it, like when I miscarried a baby at 13 weeks, the 'couldn't handle it' part for me is that my brain would just collapse. I have been through a lot of trauma in my life, nothing like your loss of Jack. THe trauma I have been through has left me, at times, on the brink of 'losing it', and it has been those moments that give me the greatest compassion for those who suffer deep wounds and cannot recover. I consider myself 'lucky' to have had, for some reason, the ability to pull myself out of hell enough to recover, even during an also very challenging adult life that has never been easy, either. Therapy, Buddhism, prayer, yoga, books, music, love- those things are choices I have made, but I am grateful that I was able to choose them. At times this has made me, not gonna lie, really fucking furious at other people. I get very angry at the level of pain I have endured to be told ' oh you are the strong one, i knew you could handle xyz. ' while somehow, other people 'get to' fall apart and not handle anything. But then I step back, every time, and think, ' Well, I could choose that. I could fall apart and just let go of it all.' But I know I'd be letting go of my daughter's chubby legs, my oldest son's hands on his bass guitar, the way music in my car on a summer day can make me feel fourteen, dancing in bare feet, champagne, mountains, rivers...all this world. And I realize, I don't want to let go.<br /><br />I'm so sorry for your loss, Anna. I just began reading you right before Jack died, and have found everything you've written about him to be... touching because of the way you loved him for who he was. I am that way with my kids... I see them for who they are, 'faults' and all, and I'm not afraid of it, the way some people are for their kids. I see you parenting that same way. Jack must have just had such a deep contentment living like that. Just knowing he could be Jack. xo<br /><br />Maggie Mayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14699674732274478502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-90745429303683953762013-08-19T09:19:57.295-07:002013-08-19T09:19:57.295-07:00Today I choose to count my blessings, rather than ...Today I choose to count my blessings, rather than my mistakes. Thanks for this post.<br /><br />We moved to a new town a few weeks ago, and my kids are lonely. I told them to pray for just one friend. Last night a neighbor brought her grandson by, who has been also eagerly awaiting a friend to ride bikes with. He is a lanky boy, with dark hair, dark eyes, and an olive complexion, and his name is Jack. For some reason, I teared up when he introduced himself because he, of course, made me think of your Jack. Also, the boys spent an hour poring over a container of Legos, which also made me think of your Jack. Just wanted you to know. xoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01728920369928437728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-92153552211035718402013-08-18T11:51:50.196-07:002013-08-18T11:51:50.196-07:00@Laura CA: I tried to message you privately, but w...@Laura CA: I tried to message you privately, but wasn't able to. Just wanted to express my sincere sympathy to you and to all of the other readers who are dealing with such deep losses. Also, I want to thank you for letting me know your kids were in the rain that day. Each time a mom does that, it eases my burden just a little. xo, AnnaAnna Whiston-Donaldsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14921348961654008115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-28508571045497180292013-08-18T11:09:44.896-07:002013-08-18T11:09:44.896-07:00Anna,
Have been following you since that rainy af...Anna,<br /><br />Have been following you since that rainy afternoon when my children played and delighted like yours in the rain just a few miles west, and woke up in horror the next morning when I learned how things had gone so terribly wrong in an instant. I have since learned firsthand how your life can go from normal, routine, superficial trivial, to chaos in a matter of seconds. Your blog means more to me now than ever. I am so grateful to have read as much as I did before "my" tragedy. Your story prepared me somehow, even if it was subconsciously. I'm so grateful that you continue to write with honesty, humor, and Grace and truly believe that you are doing what God means for you to do. Thank you and bless you.Laura CAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04735912228095736891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-30978877936477444612013-08-17T18:46:22.861-07:002013-08-17T18:46:22.861-07:00It's such a simple thing - but so hard to reme...It's such a simple thing - but so hard to remember: we do choose. <br /><br />That thought is empowering.San Diego Momma/Two Funny Brainshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15306750594430710740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-81712373612033475652013-08-17T16:31:41.131-07:002013-08-17T16:31:41.131-07:00I think you've made some incredible choices - ...I think you've made some incredible choices - like sharing your emotions but choosing to always do so in an eloquent, respectful, considered, but deeply honest way, this choice alone has as the comments indicate, helped so many people. I know that a blog does not simulate everyday life and the times you are frozen in pain, but the elements you show through your words would still be you. therefore I'm sure there must be plenty of good (with probably the ache of the not so sweet bittersweet) choices you've made, however slight, in the real of your world too. ReneeSeeing Each Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06469816981098332908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-69234584442775038172013-08-17T15:16:31.577-07:002013-08-17T15:16:31.577-07:00today I am just lost, unable to choose anything ex...today I am just lost, unable to choose anything except coffee. yes, I will definitely choose coffee. E.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-46806185368749290012013-08-17T11:17:22.701-07:002013-08-17T11:17:22.701-07:00Oh Anna.
I don't know.
But it seems like my...Oh Anna.<br /><br />I don't know. <br /><br />But it seems like my miscarriage was what pushed me over the edge. I had a lot to grieve about before, but there was always something to look forward to. I can relate to what you say about your mom and how having children - that beauty and innocence - can take the edge off of grief.<br /><br />But then you lose your child. Sometimes it's like we keep getting cut down until there's nothing left to hang onto - but God. We get to the point where there's nothing tangible left to make us say "I have THIS to live for" (or at least that's how it feels to me).<br /><br />And then grace proves an even stronger cord than I imagined.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12586581766383380976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-83586526624540328522013-08-17T10:11:23.775-07:002013-08-17T10:11:23.775-07:00Hi Dear Anna, I have been following your blog for ...Hi Dear Anna, I have been following your blog for a while, but have rarely commented. I am today, because I just addressed the same subject on my blog. I too lost a child, in very different circumstances. When I gave birth to her at 37 weeks (full term), and she was placed in my arms, she was already dead. She never took a breath in this life. She was my first, and I cannot express the hellish heartbreak and darkness I went through over the next 9 years, even though God gave me two more babies.<br /><br />I'm struggling with the choice to continue to trust, and be positive this year because she would be a senior in high school. Of all of the milestones I have passed without her...and it was all of them because she was stillborn, this one is the most difficult. I should be planning senior pictures on our beloved beach, looking forward to graduation and open house, and none of it was ever to be. I miss her SO MUCH, and I truly never had her. I miss her for her brother and sister who would have LOVED to know her. I miss her for the people that got to meet her and hold her and love on her for 2 precious hours. I miss her because I wanted a little girl first SO badly, and I LOVED her name. For one split second I almost saved the name, but it was hers. Madison Elisabeth. <br /><br />I am so thankful for the people in your life who remember Jack to you, and I hope that always happens. I have a few friends who do that for me, but NO family. It's as if she never existed, and that is sometimes so heartbreaking and maddening. I have the pictures that provd she was here, and I have a little gravestone that I go sit by from time to time, just to let her know that her mom remembers...and will never forget (even though I know she's not there).<br /><br />I posted a little video montage of Madison, as her 17th birthday is coming on August 26th. The song I used has brought comfort to my heart, and maybe it will pour grace on your heart as well. I'd be honored if you would visit, and watch it. :)<br /><br />From one momma who has been there...though in a much different way, I will never forget Jack. I think of him often as I remember the children of my many "sisters in suffering". <br /><br />I pray for peace, I pray for comfort, and I pray for grace to make it through this grief journey we are both on. It will last until we are reunited with these beautiful people. Jack is amazing, and I'm so thankful you have shared him with us...<br /><br />Grace to you,<br /><br />KathrynKathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11971540420947426918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-31274393229493090082013-08-17T09:06:33.547-07:002013-08-17T09:06:33.547-07:00Some days this...“hang the hell on and don’t get s...Some days this...“hang the hell on and don’t get sucked so far into the depths that I can’t get out” kind of thing...is the best we can do. Not every day can be about choosing joy. Joy overall, over our lives? Yes. But some days, sometimes it's just about getting through and hanging on. <br />Love you. Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01897963154223770756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-24506693094907329692013-08-16T19:12:10.874-07:002013-08-16T19:12:10.874-07:00We have a choice, but it's very painful. In o...We have a choice, but it's very painful. In one sense, I think I could easily crawl into a dark hole and stay there for the rest of my life. But, I had a cousin whose son was murdered, and he basically stopped living after that. I don't want to be like that, so I have to keep trying. However, I am sad every day, I cry constantly and I think of my son all the time. But I try to present a pleasant face to the outside world and I save the sorrow for my private time.GrahamForeverInMyHearthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15567227324094005373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-83917629672461991512013-08-16T16:08:20.255-07:002013-08-16T16:08:20.255-07:00Brilliant again. I have s dear friend who lost her...Brilliant again. I have s dear friend who lost her husband at 44 -- she was 45. She told me that each day when she wakes, she thinks the Lord must have something for me to accomplish this day. There is always someone to reach out and touch. Jamie Mileshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03464973297373372882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-81716297465632976392013-08-16T06:50:02.375-07:002013-08-16T06:50:02.375-07:00Sometimes hanging on is the solution, until a joyf...Sometimes hanging on is the solution, until a joyful moment comes along.<br /><br />Love her joy.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12698639192350525353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-30203470964845509312013-08-16T06:32:01.035-07:002013-08-16T06:32:01.035-07:00We definitely have a choice. I love the one you ma...We definitely have a choice. I love the one you made...and I love how Margaret's picture exemplifies it. Lisahttp://www.betweenhopeandahardplace.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-36101013906147670552013-08-16T05:52:21.966-07:002013-08-16T05:52:21.966-07:00I love that quote: “I am responsible for everythin...I love that quote: “I am responsible for everything that stays in my life.” It's so true. Our losses will never leave us, but we can decide how the rest of our lives will go. Hugs!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11482637793828446755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-54563237554375266612013-08-16T05:30:13.584-07:002013-08-16T05:30:13.584-07:00I can so relate to this. We chose to LIVE. To re...I can so relate to this. We chose to LIVE. To really live, not just merely be alive. Does that make sense? We chose to continue to look for and find the joy in life that Hannah sought and constantly found. <br /><br />I attended a few Compassionate Friends meetings and was struck by the women who were 10+ years out from the loss of their children and were still so bitter and angry. They terrified me because I didn't want to be that. <br /><br />It really is all about what we chose, isn't it?Rachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317328366288947798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-41920757370192762062013-08-15T19:19:31.630-07:002013-08-15T19:19:31.630-07:00You're calling it "being positive", ...You're calling it "being positive", but it sounds a bit more like the thing that helps you get through life is being real. <br /><br />And it sounds like you got that from your wonderful mom, who was so open, even if it was confusing or mortifying for you, at times. <br /><br />Sure, you would have enjoyed a lavish kind of parenting with lots of personal time, but you accepted motherhood with all its frustrations-- just like her. <br /><br />You haven't let life shrivel up that wonderful openness, even if losing Jack is bringing up memories of a young, vulnerable, lonely time, when you had other losses after you lost your mom, as if that wasn't already unbearable.<br /><br />From that great photo of Margaret, I see that she has a loving and brave spirit that she gets from the women of the family--no offense to Tim, of course.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7334921515741798160.post-63634381395294878582013-08-15T19:06:32.478-07:002013-08-15T19:06:32.478-07:00You are SO awesome.You are SO awesome.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com