On soaking, rainy days like today, when phones beep with flash flood warnings, my family is on many hearts. But to me, they seem like any other day.
Why, I wonder?
I think it's because when I think of Jack, I think of his laugh, his understanding, his compassion, his great love for me. His hair, his speedy talk, his interests, his sleeping figure, his vise grip on my hand in the dark. Some memories are growing hazy, and I wonder what I've already forgotten, but I can't forget his essence, his soul, his love, his space in my heart. They are with me right now.
Even though I am less than a mile from the creek where he died and must drive over it many times a day, he is not the boy in the creek to me, and for that I am grateful.
I think that's why today can just be another day.
I'm glad to hear it! Although, I confess, I thought of Jack today, too...
ReplyDeleteMe too. I am glad to read this!
DeleteExactly -- Jack is so much more than the way he died -- I can completely relate to this. Although where Liz died is about 70 miles from where we live, I drive my the cemetery where she is buried numerous times every day and it doesn't bother me because I know she isn't there.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful days like this don't haunt you.
ReplyDeleteThrough your book and your blog, Jack has become more "real" to me than any other child whom I have not met personally. I am a teacher, and I think of Jack in the same way that I think of students from years past. Funny stories, cute pictures, etc. I was feeding my baby before bed two nights ago, and I was thinking about how Jack told you he was afraid of being bored in heaven, and how you and a camp counselor helped him feel better. I was looking around my baby's dark room and trying to imagine heaven, too. Thank you for continuing to share your story. <3
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful and inspirational and affirming of Jack's strong presence in your heart, rainy, floody days and all. It is so nice to read about how those beautiful things inspire stronger memories, if that makes sense. I find myself stumbling over words, but in my heart and head what you wrote makes so much sense!
ReplyDeleteLots of love,
Claire
Beautiful.....I say with misty eyes.
ReplyDeleteLove you Anna!
ReplyDeleteYou've brought your beautiful boy alive to so many. I know him through your blog and thought of him today too - but more in the sense of who you have described him to be than the way he was lost. Sending you love always. Thank you for sharing him with us!
ReplyDeleteI pray there will be a day when all I remember is the wonderful memories about my son, Ryan. Right now it's mostly the painful loss of him. I do have a few rare occasions when I find myself smiling at a beautiful memory of him. I hope as time goes on they will come more often. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI too am glad that it's not excruciating for you to face a stormy, flash flood-y day.
ReplyDeletelove,
jbhat
Thank you for sharing your heart in this---I have often wondered how you feel when storms hit the DC area. It is so good to know that although grief will always be there in one's heart for a lost loved one, it isn't so crushing at all moments. You have shared hope and joy in this life and so much gratitude today.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have that small bit of grace in your grief. As far as forgetting things about him, Rachael (Hannah's mom...I'm sure you know who I mean)...said the same thing the other day on her blog. I hope this doesn't sound trite, but even if you can't remember everything at least you know you were fully there for everything. If that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI'll add to another commenter, I also feel like I know Jack. You've done a great job there.
<3
ReplyDeleteYou have wonderful, happy memories of Jack. May it always be so.
ReplyDelete