So grief puts a new spin on marital intimacy. Sure, the family bed thing comes into play. (Don’t worry, our therapist says that’s fine for now) Plus you have the exhaustion of mourning. Throw in the usual buzz killers: middle age, new braces on my bottom teeth, and a mouth guard. Super sexy.
But there’s one thing I hadn’t counted on. You know how the past year has taught me so much about heaven being so close? So RIGHT here? Well, most moms know how hard it is to turn off the multi-tasking mind during certain special moments… “Did I sign those permission slips? Can I pass off a store bought cake for the bake sale? Why is so and so acting weird? Did I really say that at the bus stop?”
Well, now I’m confronted with the fact that there are some things adolescents are never supposed to see. And if the other realms are so close… well, you know. Good luck getting that OUT of your head as you’re supposed to be getting INTO “it.”
I've decided I just have to trust God on this one. He knows how hard we’ve worked to protect our kids from inappropriate images and situations, and that continues on.
Turning off the lights must help too, right?
That's definitely something I never would have thought about. It's funny and a little creepy, all at the same time. I think trusting God is best in all situations...this one included!
ReplyDeleteTrust God.
ReplyDeleteThere is no other way, right, Anna?
xo
(and you're not a freak, you're honest and vulnerable and could do your own brene brown TED talks)
xo
I like to think that the soul 'sees' things differently (otherwise, we'd need to take our eyes with us into the next world)... so maybe the soul sees attributes and feelings. So with the lights off, maybe all there is to see is love :)
ReplyDeleteI'm going with the BIG MAN has a universal remote and He knows how to use the parental controls feature ;)
ReplyDeleteOMG, this post cracked me up. I have to say, I have heard that it is bad to tell little kids that a deceased relative is watching over them because....well, they think of it the same way as you are describing.
ReplyDeleteI do think that our departed souls do not watch us every second of the day and I'm sure Jack has no interest in seeing what you are thinking of, LOL. I'm sure he gets back to his heavenly Legos as soon as he sees the first signs.
Anna I totally have not been able to shut out that I feel like my grandmother can see me.... always. I have thought about asking a priest or psychic to tell me it is not so. I console myself that spirits see all the things we consider ultra private in a different less interesting way? Hugs. You are not strange lol!!
ReplyDeleteYou're not a freak. And now you've got me thinking about it. thankyouverymuch.
ReplyDeleteMy eleven year old was just asking me on Friday about what really happens to family and friends who die ~ "Can they see you and watch out for you?" "Do they always know what you are doing or how you are feeling?" and "How do you figure out who your guardian angel is?" After some discussion, he and I concluded that while they are not privy to all of your personal thoughts and actions ~ they can most certainly see you, hear you, share in your joy, and comfort your hurt when you need and want them to. They also have the right connections to find the perfect 'higher up' guardian angel to help carry you through the especially difficult times. So - they are always looking out for you, but not always looking IN on you. ;-)
ReplyDelete(aaaannd . . . if 'freak' is what you're going with ~ you are, without a doubt, the most fabulous freak I've ever "met." ;-))
Wishing you a happy week!
xoxo
Just the fact that you're thinking about "IT" is a good thing. I'm sure Tim agrees ;)
ReplyDeleteOkay, that is a totally weird concept, and now I can't forget it.
ReplyDeleteOy! The mind is a weird place! (I'm glad I'm not the only one)
ReplyDeleteI'm betting there's more interesting things to do in the presence of the Almighty than watch your parents!
LOL - this was so super funny and yet so tender at the same time. Some things you never think about until ... well, until you have to! Trust God and know that he is taking care of ALL things, including "that".
ReplyDeleteWell, I certainly am counting on a filter somewhere because I'd hate to think of my grandparents (and my mother!!) watching... EEW! ICK!
ReplyDeleteGod made intimacy. He's got you covered. Literally. :)
I really, really like what another commenter said about the soul seeing things differently: "All there is to see is love."
I remember those thoughts all too well when my grandfather died. Shortly after he died we moved in to his old house and took over his old bedroom. It was weird, only becuse I kept thinking if he comes back or is watching over us he will go some place familiar. It stopped bothering me quickly. After all this was the man that stood at the front of the church after my husband and I were pronounced Husband and Wife and said is him booming voice "now go and make me some great-grandbabies". As you wish Grandpa, as you wish.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could come up with a cute response to this cute post...I've got nothing, nothing at all, but I'll be thinking of you this week!
ReplyDeleteYou might feel you are just bumbling along, but from my side of the street, you are all doing a marvellous job of appreciating living and doing the best you can... You will never forget that night, but you had your child for a while, long enough to keep you warm with loving memories... Of course it takes time to come up for air and to feel less numb, but its such early days yet... you're all doing fine, and after all, God knows and cares and your little one knew that.. so he is there with you all the time, him and God.. hugs from across the pond..J
ReplyDeleteI like to believe that those who pass on, come to us when we are most in need of reassurance or a sign.
ReplyDeletePretty sure that scenario isn't one of those times :)
Seriously, right?!? What can our loved ones see!?! Oh My. Always wondered that one. And. Choose to Trust.
ReplyDeleteI have never thought of it, but thanks for putting it in my head, now I am wondering.
ReplyDeleteI really think you are safe, so no worries.
Humor in the hard times is my mantra! Love it, live it, laugh it up.
ReplyDeleteNow you just need to get a comforter made from Harry Potter's invisibility cloak.
Can I just say that An Inch of Gray readers crack me up and inspire me, too! There are some funny comments.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be safe to assume that he would avert his eyes... One can only hope.
ReplyDeleteI thought the same thing after losing my parents, but i think you are right, God "protects" them (and you). By the way, does that cloud look like a heart to you?
ReplyDeleteYou.CRACK.Me.Up! I am so glad to know that I am not alone in over thinking. I love the idea of an invisibility cloak comforter, but I also think you are completely safe to, you know, do whatever. :)
ReplyDeleteSo glad I'm not the only one who has had this thought. I like to think "those moments" are when God calls Austin to play ball...or watch his baby cousins...or play chess with Moses. ;)
ReplyDeleteMy 4 year old was just having a core melt down. I was yelling at her and completely frustrated. I noticed the mail lady pull up. I went outside to cool off. Inside my mailbox I received my Jack magnet and his sweet picture. Peace just filled our home. I gave my daughter a hug, and talked to her in a nice way about her rotten behavior. ;)
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how angels show up right when you need them. Thank you Anna and thank you Jack!
John Edward says that those in heaven have no interest in the bathroom and/or bedroom habits of those of use on earth.
ReplyDeleteI wish that I knew what to say but I'm sure that worrying about this is not needed. That private stuff is just between you and your husband. There is a reason it is called private.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to concur that you are not a freak in the least.
ReplyDeleteFirst time time I heard of such a concern was when a friend, who sadly lost her brother a few years ago, had the opportunity to move into his empty flat with her husband, as the flat was owned by her family. She turned the chance down for this very reason...!
Not that I want the moral of the story to be that you should be concerned : )
I'm sure, absolutely sure, that loved ones 'watching over us' is to be interpreted a bit more liberally and bit less literally...
If you, Margaret and Tim are all at different places, how could Jack watch over you all at the same time, in the most literal sense? As a christian, you consider God omnipotent of course. But our loved ones are not God, are they?
It might be comforting to think that on the occasions that you and Tim are getting intimate, Jack is watching over Margaret : )
Sending you love and best wishes and, even though it's none of my business, sending you my warm approval that you and Tim are expressing your love for each other thus : )
I made love to my husband for the first time since my dad passed the other night, when we were done, I cried. I bawled actually and I felt guilty for enjoying myself. I feel he is with me all the time, but after a long time of thinking, I know my dad wouldn't watch even if he could nor would Jack. I think trusting God is the answer. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteoh dear sweet woman, you make me tear up as I smile. This post reminded me that I wondered about that after my grandmother passed away. Thank you for your writing. Wishing you much peace and love.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Oh, Anna, you too?? ;o)
ReplyDeleteI just keep telling myself they don't want to see it any more than we want them to. It's all good.
My Jack magnet arrived today and was promptly slapped on the back of my van. :o) Thank you.
Hugs,
Rach
I had to read this 3 times to get what you were saying, you crack me up one minute and make me cry the next. Just shut the door ;)
ReplyDeleteLOL Anna!! I can actually relate to this though because I had those thoughts after my dad died. I didn't want him to see me in that light. I also had thoughts about my mother in law anytime I was in an argument with my husband. I knew she would be frowning down at me. I think you're right though--God has got our backs! :)
ReplyDeleteLove you.
Annie
Maybe I'll be stepping on some toes here, but I think quite differently than you guys about heaven. I think our loved ones are having an awesome time with God, Jesus and all the people who have gone to heaven. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd what the Bible says about no tears and grief in Heaven, I take as strong evidence that they are not watching over us. Because I don't think my grandmother would be happy to see the family argue, my parents getting divorced, family members struggling with depression and drugs etc.
I find comfort in that she is happily hanging out with Jesus, ignorant about the pain down here.
God is watching over us and helping us, and with the Almighty God by our side, loving us with unconditional love, what else do we need?
And as for your post, God created the intimacy for married couples to enjoy, so I think He can help you getting focused.. ;)
You crack me up.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's a problem. When the rich man who didn't help Lazarus went to hell (Luke 16:19-31), Abraham said, "between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us."
Now, I know you're not in hell (except metaphorically speaking at times) but somehow I always assumed that applied to earth as well. He's there on the other side of that chasm and when you're getting busy, the walls rise up a bit so he can't peer over and see what's going on.
Am I a dork? Is that even helpful?
And here I thought it was difficult to stay "focused" with two labs pawing on the other side of the door.
ReplyDeleteYou are delightful and so very funny.
I think your readers are right on when they say Jack is too busy to concern himself with earthly goings on. His parents earthly goings on especially :)
What happens in Vegas...
You are so funny, Anna. Yours is the only blog that makes me laugh and cry. This one definitely made me laugh! <3 U!
ReplyDeleteOh, my....I've always wondered about that same thing. Like my daddy who is on the other side.
ReplyDeleteDrink 2 glasses of wine and go to bed. Things should happen without a care.
xoxo, Julia
I am cracking up!!!! I am glad you have been able to maintain a sense of humor through everything. I have wondered the same thing though. Both of my parents passed at a young age and I am married with kids of my own and often wonder if they can "see" what we do as a married couple. Yuck!!
ReplyDeleteI received my magnet today and the gorgeous photo of Jack. Thank you so much!!!!! We will display both proudly!!
ahaha! And here I was feeling funny whenever I raised my voice to my kids -- always thinking, "Ugh! Did Jack D just hear me?!" and feeling so guilty about it. I'm with the others in thinking it really wouldn't be a just and right heaven if we had to envision our parents (or frankly, most people!) in that way...fingers crossed we're all right! xo always.
ReplyDeleteYou are so funny. Thanks for making us laugh and cry and for all your beautiful sharing!
ReplyDeleteAs for the sex part, it is sacred too and I'm hoping I understand it all more fully some day in heaven. But it is beautiful and sacred and part of what God created in us.
Lots of love to you.
Oh god this is funny. And strangely coincidental - I was showering yesterday and thought to myself, as I do sometimes, "If Papa [my grandpa] is with me always, what about NOW?" And then I seriously did think about you - what about Anna and Tim with Jack?? So that's weird. What I always come up with is something along the lines of (though not nearly as eloquently expressed) what a previous commenter said about souls seeing differently. The same way I feel my grandfather's presence MORE when I call to him, even silently, I think he stays away at the times I WOULDN'T want him there...
ReplyDeleteI second the comment about rereading 3 times (in my case 4...it's been a long day). Finally got it and can't stop laughing. You're hilarious and refreshingly real. God has brought you through so much...I can't believe he'd just leave you 'exposed.' That's a good one to put on the 'things to ask God when I get to heaven' list.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for getting it on!
ReplyDeleteWow! A good friend told me the more open you are to signs the more you will see them. These are amazing. They definitely stop me in my tracks! Just got my magnet and picture of Jack-thank you. I will treasure them both.
ReplyDeleteKaren from Memphis
Yes, definitely trust God on this one!
ReplyDeleteI so love you and the way your mind thinks! Want to know what pic came to my mind as I read this post?...
ReplyDeleteGod quickly saying, "Hey Jack! Come over here and look at this awesome cloud formation! What shape would you say that was? Tell me a story about it ok?"
Distraction is key.
Oh my! Glad I read these other comments...I was thinking you were talking about Margaret being SO CLOSE, as in the same bed...so not like you!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha....I love the way you are so honest in your writing. I wondered the same thing after my father died. Then after my grandmother died, my cousin....and so on. What I decided is that "it" probably is one of those things that we come to understand in Heaven, and that even if they see us doing "it," "it" doesn't mean the same thing on the other side. Maybe it is a beautiful act of love, or maybe they just smile knowing that when you get to heaven, you'll see that it's really no big deal. Still, I had to laugh to see that other people are freaks like me! I thought I was the only one who worried about something like this!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm going to go with what a few people have said here. God has the parental control thing going on. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm going to catch up on the rest of your posts, dear, funny Anna!