What I'm thinking about:
"We survivors, we who are left behind, know the frustration of helplessness. We carry on because it does not help if we don't. We function, not out of strength, but in the absence of any alternative." Samantha Mooney, "A Snowflake In My Hand"
"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing." C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"
"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." I Corinthians 13:12, NIV
"I shall hear in Heaven." Ludwig von Beethoven, last words
Funny Anna, I thought of the same Corinthians verse driving to work today. We just must have faith. As for me, I am thinking about you, Tim and Margaret today. Hugs and love to all of you.
ReplyDelete"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing." C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"
ReplyDeleteThis is so true!!!!! There is a restless anxiety that accompanies grief. As is the same with fear. I remember when I lost my daughter sometimes feeling as if all of my emotions (grief, desperation, longing, sadness, anger, disbelief, fear, hopelessness) were going to send me over the edge and I might really lose my mind. There are times when I look at Jack's pictures and feel that same sense of disbelief, sadness and an intense desire bordering on desperation to just pluck him out of heaven back down into your lives. But we do have to go on, don't we? Trusting God to hold us up as we put one foot in front of the other. I am always praying that as your family does this God will meet you with fresh waves of mercy, grace and peace.
"We carry on because it does not help if we don't. "
ReplyDeleteThis is how I feel. We are slowly losing my mom. In many ways, I have already lost her. And yet I often feel that I don't have a right to grieve because she's still physically here, so I haven't actually lost her. Except that I feel like I have. And my father and my brother and I keep saying (because what do you say when people ask you how you/she/things are?), "It is what it is", and then we keep going. Because what else can we do? The rest of the world doesn't wait for this long, slow goodbye to be over.
Sorry to vent...having a bad day today. I'll keep praying for your family. Thank you for continuing to write. It's not the same situation, but your writing has helped me in a lot of ways.
A friend of mine just posted this on fb and I thought of you.
ReplyDeleteThe Journey
A journey ends at it's destination
... where your hopes for the future may lay
it's not so much about the trips duration
but what happens along the way
it's about who you meet and what you'll see
that can make this trip a thrill
it's about who you are and who you'll be
when you top that last hill
so your destination does not have to be a ending
but a begainning to a better day
it all about the journey
and what happens along the way.
5/4/12 Larry Ryser
Jack packed ALOT of life in his journey, so many great memories.
Thanks so much for sharing. I have been interested in knowing what you're reading these days, what gives you comfort or a different perspective...How true it is that there is a restlessness with loss.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
These lovely and moving quotes and verses have the knack of making me feel better, yet somehow worse too. The feeling of being understood can sometimes feel like a punch to the gut, I think. A punch to the gut followed by a comforting hug.
ReplyDeletelove,
jbhat
Carrying on is hard. You are a miracle. Love you.
ReplyDelete"Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal." - Thomas Moore
ReplyDeletePraying for you. Crying with you.
-Maureen
"We function, not out of strength, but in the absence of any alternative".
ReplyDeleteSo so true. When Nick died, people would ask me "how I do it?" or tell me "how strong I was, I couldn't be that strong."
My answer to both was, I have no choice.
As always, sending prayers and understanding.
Those are excellent quotes. I love the quote by Samatha Mooney. Very powerful and so deeply sad.
ReplyDeleteI read your later post and then this one, and it wasn't until, "I will hear in Heaven," that I wept for you.
ReplyDeleteBecause as much as I can work to comfort you by reminding you what our faith has us know, that we will all be together in Heaven again soon and then none of this will matter, I recognize it all matters now. It all hurts all too much now.
My friend Helen lost her daughter to leukemia in 11/2010, and she just wrote on someone's wall that she feels physical pain over it. She has had much joy in her life the past year and a half, but life blankets us with compartments, and no matter how happiness touches her, it is still covered in great sadness. When she looks at her baby grandson, she misses Vicki and her "auntness."
Yesterday would have been my father's 84th birthday, and though he died at 72, I miss him still. I cried still. But men are meant to die in their 70s, their 80s, not before they are men.
Anna, I carry you. It's really all I can do. I lift you up in prayer daily. It's all I can do. And my prayer is that you still feel held. It is what He does when we understand His plan not at all.
C.S. Lewis' words have struck a chord with me in the past as well.
ReplyDeleteGrief ≈ fear... yes.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking about you tomorrow hoping that you will feel the presence of Jack with you!
ReplyDelete"We carry on because it does not help if we don't. We function, not out of strength, but in the absence of any alternative." That quote is extremely profound and exactly the way I picture it in my mind when I think of you survivors and how you are able to go on living. I know it probably doesn't help, but I can tell you that your strength amazes and inspires me every day!
ReplyDelete