You Should Have Been in Pictures...

I try not to take the kids to the grocery store with me. This started when they were very young. They weren't the treat-grubbing types, but I've just never liked having to crawl through the store at a snail's pace when I can do it faster by myself. I don't enjoy shopping, and I just need to focus.

This Monday, however, they didn't have school, and I took them to the store. It went smoothly, and the only special request was by my son who wanted to spend some time "looking at the soda." To each his own.

A cute young woman came up and introduced herself as a casting agent for a grocery store commercial and said I was just the type they were looking for... Mom-ish. Not sure if they were looking at my hawkish nose, zits, or the two cute kids with me. I'm thinking it was the kids.

After we checked out, we walked over to the producer and had an audition right next to those uber-irritating self check-outs. Oooh...I hate those things! Make us do more work? Isn't grocery shopping hard enough?

Anyway, the very good looking producer did a little background research by asking us if we had a vacation home. No. Any interesting summer activities? No. Hmmmm. Not looking good here.

I thought the kids could save me, because they both have the acting bug. Molly came through when asked what makes her mom special: "She's kind, funny, thoughtful and caring." I will cherish those words. Especially when she's 16.

Jake said, "Mom. She's...Um." That was it.

I couldn't decide whether to look at the producer or the camera, so I did a crazy, sexy eye-dart between the two. Repeatedly. I'm sure it read well on film.

When he asked my favorite summer hobbies, the producer seemed a little put out that I scavenge for trash on people's curbs. Not exactly the Vacation-House-Speedboat-Driving Mama he was looking for.

Molly later said I should have extolled the virtues of the fresh, healthy groceries I find at *** Foods that help me maintain my "active tennis schedule." Geez, she's good. But it kinda made me question the integrity of the whole, "kind, funny, thoughtful and caring" thing.

Oh well. I didn't get a call-back.

I did, however, find a large grub and a prolific supply of grub poop in the package of fresh mint I had just bought. And I did make this discovery after I'd put it on my beautiful tortellini salad. Waah! (For those of you who have been reading this blog since the beginning, you'll remember this isn't the first time I've been grubbed.)

So, I guess it's okay that I didn't make the cut and embark on a fascinating journey ending up with my being awarded a star on the Walk of Fame. I know it's Acting, with a capital A, but I would have had a hard time gushing about a grocery store chain that sold me food with, shall we say, unwanted extra protein.